Hello there :)

After years of being in denial and scared to explore this, I have realized that I am bi.

I (28F and cis) have been with my partner for almost 7 years and we recently got married. Thankfully, he has always been supportive on this front (it helps that he is bi too). The first time I talked to him about this back in 2018, he asked if I wanted to explore this outside of our relationship and we discussed non-monogamy, but then realized it wasn't for either of us (something that has been solidified over the years in more conversations). Honestly, I ignored any thoughts I had about not just liking men until I learned about different types of attraction a while ago. I also realized I'm demisexual, which has been very helpful to factor into this whole process. I've recently accepted that I find everyone attractive but don't want to explore anything sexually or romantically outside of my relationship.

It took me ages to understand that I don't need to do so to accept this part of who I am. Still, I'm scared that the legitimacy of my identity will be questioned because I've only been with cis men... Heck, I've already been questioning it for myself. Clearly, there's a lot of internalized bs for me to work through here and I'm gonna do my best to keep learning and unlearning!

I'm also worried about how a few people in my life might react if I decide to tell them, though most of my friends are very understanding, especially those who are queer. Those I've told have already been validating me and reassuring me that it's okay to think about this and accept this part of myself while still being in a monogamous marriage with a man. They've said it doesn't have to be one or the other, which is been such a freaking relief to hear.

Having said all this, I am still having a hard time particularly as a woman of color living in North America. I come from a country and culture where this wasn't something I even knew how to think about—let alone safely explore—until I moved to North America many years ago. I also think my family may not get it since I am in a hetero-presenting relationship, or at least, I'd have to do a lot of explaining.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Thank you so much in advance! <3