Hello, I am on my second draft of a story following a character named Lucas Waston tag name Phantom. He is part of a group called the Eclipse Messengers that works as a liaison between the gangs in the City of West Cliff. The gangs are always up to something and this time Phantom gets a front-row seat.

I'm working on my second draft after so long. I wrote the first draft senior year of high school and didn't have a chance during college to work on it. Now I have the time and looking for feedback. For the second draft im planning to make it a lot darker and not like it was written by a 17-year-old.

I have loads of ideas and would like to hear feedback on parts of the story you fill should have more. I guess the biggest helps would be plot points, plot holes, and overall where should I add more detail or where would you like to see detail added? Both scenery and characters.

I can send you a link to the story. I have a handful of lore on the world that I was able to work on during college. And if I get good feedback I was hoping to make multiple stories in the same setting.

Warning the story and future story has profanity and violence to almost all degrees. And well a lot of crime. Just a heads up.

Lastly here is a snip of my writing from a scene from the story. Enjoy.

"The city is a war zone and we always have to stop the battles. It never fails to hear sirens, or screams or gun shots. It’s a terrible feeling not to feel safe. There are wars between factions every day.

The colors of black and white bring the Ebony Knights there is no escape, no. They trap you and beat the living shit out of you. They make sure that all you see is black and white.

The colors of blue and grey show the Cross Bones and their need to destroy the city. The blue and grey are a sure sign of trouble of the acids that make this city rot.

Purple and red make the colors of the Royal Flush, the bright colors show they like to get noticed. They like to show they have the money to buy the bright clothes, and the power to wear them.

Crimson and black are colors that you might never see again. The Crimson Masks make short work of someone if they want to. The color of their masks is all that’s left after they show up.

The green and grey of the Screaming Banshees are everywhere. One moment there is a small spot of green in front of you; next thing there is a wave of green headed right for you. I also hear people say that when a fire starts green is all you can see standing inside it.

Then there is the city seems grey and industrial, but really there are five major colors: Black, Blue, Purple, Red, and Green.

I look around and think what are we? Then I think: we’re grey like the city, or any color we want to be. We aren’t trying to paint the city a certain color. We are trying to save it, trying to free it. This talk of making the city ours, that’s what all the gangs say, what all the gangs want. They want control. That’s what is killing this city, the thought of greed, the thought of power. That needs to stop. It’s what needs to be done, to stop this city’s hell!"