Apologies if this has been reposted before. I stumbled across it in r/AITA and thought it worth sharing in its totality.

Remember, I am not the Original Original Poser (OOP), that would be u/Icy-Reserve6995/ posting on r/AITA sometime November 2021

AITA for deleting my friend's wedding photos in front of them?

Not the A-hole

I'm not really a photographer, I'm a dog groomer. I take lots of photos of dogs all day to put on my Facebook and Instagram, it's "my thing" if that makes sense. A cut and a photo with every appointment. I very seldom shoot things other than dogs even if I have a nice set up.

A friend got married a few days ago and wanting to save money, asked if I'd shoot it for them. I told him it's not really my forte but he convinced me by saying he didn't care if they were perfect: they were on a shoestring budget and I agreed to shoot it for $250, which is nothing for a 10 hour event.

On the day of, I'm driving around following the bride as she goes from appointment to appointment before the ceremony, taking photos along the way. I shoot the ceremony itself, and during the reception I'm shooting speeches and people mingling.

I started around 11am and was due to finish around 7:30pm. Around 5pm, food is being served and I was told I cannot stop to eat because I need to be photographer; in fact, they didn't save me a spot at any table. I'm getting tired and at this point kinda regretting doing this for next to nothing. It's also unbelievably hot: the venue is in an old veteran's legion and it's like 110F and there's no AC.

I told the groom I need to take off for 20min to get something to eat and drink. There's no open bar or anything, I can't even get water and my two water bottles are long empty. He tells me I need to either be photographer, or leave without pay. With the heat, being hungry, being generally annoyed at the circumstances, I asked if he was sure, and he said yes, so I deleted all the photos I took in front of him and took off saying I'm not his photographer anymore. If I was to be paid $250, honestly at that point I would have paid $250 just for a glass of cold water and somewhere to sit for 5min.

Was I the asshole? They went right on their honeymoon and they've all been off of social media, but a lot of people have been posting on their wall asking about photos with zero responses.

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Followed up about a month later with: AITA for deleting my friends wedding photos in front of them? (UPDATE)

I previously made a post you can find here and want to provide an update. This is a throwaway account so I'm sorry for not replying to every DM but I hope this answers many of the questions people had.

Immediately after the wedding they went off for their honeymoon; they went to a cottage up north and didn't use social media for a week. In that time they got lots of requests for photos on Facebook and I didn't reply to anyone because, to me, this was done and I didn't want the headache of dealing with the fallback. I don't know a lot of these people, its their circle of friends, so I thought it was best they handled it.

The bride contacted me when they returned and asked me my side of the story. I don't know when the groom spilled the beans but he wasn't truthful about it. He told her I had camera problems and lost the photos. I told her plainly what happened and told her that while I felt guilty, it's no way to treat someone doing them a favor. She wasn't in the know about any of this, and asked if there was any way we could mend this.

We got to talking and I've agreed to do a reshoot for some photos later in the season. She wants some photos of just them in an outdoors shoot, photos of the rings, some artsy-fartsy shots, and that's it. She offered me the original $250 and I agreed under the condition I bail at word one of crap from either of them.

As for the original photos, I offered to bring my SD card to a place that could attempt to recover them, but at their cost, and she declined.

Word did get out on social media about some of this and we agreed to sweep it under the rug and try to defuse or play down what happened. Of the few comments I did read, they were wholly against me because the story is twisted with the "her camera died" narrative the groom spun. I'm upset but not enough to make a big deal of it. None of them even know my name.

I did make two interesting connections, though: the DJ was privy to the situation (he was the person I vented to originally) and he asked if I'd shoot their band at an upcoming event. Additionally, the minister asked if I'd like to shoot some promotional images of his church and choir. Not sure if I'm cut out for anything but pet stuff but it's nice to have got something out of this ordeal at least.

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And a final update, posted on their profile:

A Final Update to deleting my "friend's" wedding photos

This is my third and final post on the matter, I wanted to make a final update to my post you can find here. According to AITA rules, I am not allowed to post another update, so I've instead put it on my profile.

A common sentiment in the previous thread was I was a doormat, and I know that. But if I can justify it just one time: this was never about the money or the people or anything. I'm experienced with photography but only really in one subject area (pet portraits), and I would gladly jump at any opportunity to practice and gain more experience and exposure in other areas of photography. It's extremely validating going from volunteer work to paid work, even if the pay is a small pittance to what it should be. Even if they offered me nothing, I would have gladly accepted the opportunity just so I can practice more and try new things, plus it was under the assumption they didn't care they were perfect photos.

I got the bride to correct the record on Facebook that there was a disagreement between her husband and I. I don't know if anyone has connected the dots yet to an article or articles they might have read, but a lot of people were upset and actually taking my side for once. The bride said we all worked it out (which sorta happened) and will have some photos to post soon.

For my update, I bailed on the shoot. It was meant to be later in November so they could have snowy photos but a few nights ago they asked if I could do it the day before yesterday. I wasn't doing anything so I agreed. I picked out a location I thought was nice, as there's lots of wineries and vineyards in our area, plus it was relatively close to me.

I meet them there and they're both prettied up and ready to go. We congregate around my car while I'm unloading my lights and gear bag and I talk about how the shoot is going to go. I laid out the specific shots I was going to take, then where the lights would be, their poses, etc. I asked the husband if he could help me carry sandbags and he declined, saying my job is photographer, not him.

Something in me snapped and I just started loading my stuff up again and got into my car despite their protests. I remarked that when they both get married a second time, don't contact me to shoot it. Rolled my windows up, locked my doors, and off I went. The first thing I did when I got home was block everyone. This relationship was already threadbare but this just cemeted them as awful people I'd do best to not associate with.

All told my investment in this shoot was maybe 30min making a game plan on what shots and what to bring, and a 5min drive each way; that is if you don't count my previous day wasted. At the very least I find solace I wasted their time and money (on makeup, etc), if even a little. As well, I'm learning I'm really not cut out for this stuff: I need more experience, in particular dealing with clients, before I take on this kind of work because I'm quickly learning I am hating this aspect of it.

As an aside, I don't like many of the people (here on Reddit, either publicly or through DMs; as well, some Youtubers who have "covered" my post) who try to gatekeep photography. It makes me very sad to read things like I'm not a "real photographer". While it's true I'm not super experienced, these kind of comments really dig deep when I'm doing my best and trying to learn more about photography. I've been using a DSLR for about ten years, photographing pets and some small events along the way; nothing as "prestigious" as shooting weddings, sure, but just because someone doesn't shoot photos professionally doesn't mean they're default a bad photographer.

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That seems to conclude it. Remember, I am NOT OOP, that would be u/Icy-Reserve6995/ which, as stated above, is a throwaway account.