I AM NOT OP. This is a repost.

The original was posted on r/daddit in January 2022.

Mood spoiler: wholesome and sweet

Advice on having a difficult conversation.

My daughter is now 6yrs old. I've been in her life since before she was a year, but I am not the biological father. February 2019, the adoption was finalized. Every year, we have our Special Anniversary where we get dressed up, she gets a corsage, and we go out to a fancy restaurant and do whatever she wants for the whole day. We discussed what to do for this year and I could see she had something troubling on her mind. I'm nervous she is going to ask why we have a special anniversary. Any advice on how to address it of she asks?

A bit of information, her biological father never had any kind of relationship with her. She looks like me, acts like me, and has no memory of before the adoption.

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Relevant comment:

“Hey so lurking mom here, forgive the intrusion.

I was in a similar situation to your daughter…except it was never celebrated. My parents started dating when I was a few months old. I always knew my dad wasn’t my bio dad, but it was never talked about.

She doesn’t really understand what “biological” means at this point. What she does know is that you’re the dad she’s always ever known.

Here’s the story I would have loved- “I wasn’t around when you were born. I met you and your mom when you were X (years, months) old. I love you and your mom so much, I wanted to be a part of your family. So today we celebrate the date that you became my daughter and I became your daddy. It’s kind of like a second special birthday that just you and I get to have.”

It’s awesome that you celebrate this day…love and positivity around the adopting of a child is amazing.”

~

OOP responds:

“Thank you. I've been overthinking what to say, so this is very helpful.

We were blessed to have a great supoort group. It took 18months of court battles and when I finally went before the judge to make it official, he asked me one question "what do you call her?" I smiled and said "Nugget". He told me the sign of a loving dad is that he gives her a special name. That next Sunday, we were thrown a surprise party at church and everyone pitched in to cover the legal expenses we occurred over the last year and a half.”

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The update was posted 31 days later.

Update on telling my daughter I adopted her.

Her mother told her about it last week without consulting me. At first, I was upset but opted to just wait and see how things played out. Fast forward to yesterday. I was sitting on the couch and my daughter came up to me and asked if she could talk to me. The conversation goes as follows:

D: Daddy, mommy told me you adopted me.

Me: Yes, what did she say?

D: She said a man didn't want me and you loved me so much you adopted me.

Me: That's right, baby. I loved you from the minute I saw you and love you more every day.

D: I love you too. I'm happy God made you my daddy.

Me: Me too. Do you have any questions about anything?

D: Do we have to tell people I'm adopted?

Me: Do you want to?

D: No, you're my daddy. It can be our secret. Can we still have our special anniversary?

Me: Of course. what color corsage do you want this year?

D: Purple... now I'm sleepy.

...After she went to bed, I was bawling like a baby. So many nights thinking about having that conversation, and it couldn't have gone any better. She is an amazing, beautiful little girl, and I am beyond lucky to have her.

Thank you to everyone in this sub for all the encouraging advice regarding the prequel post to this one. You are an amazing group of dads... and lurking moms.

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I AM NOT OP. This is a repost

I needed this today. Maybe you did, too.