I am not the original poster. This is a repost.

Originally posted by u/Trimmli 5 years ago on r/legaladvice.

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Girlfriend is pregnant. I want the baby, she wants to give up for adoption. What does the law say? [Jan 21 2017]

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5pbvb7/new_york_girlfriend_is_pregnant_i_want_the_baby/

My girlfriend is 5 months pregnant and we can't seem to be able to agree on what to do with the baby. I absolutely want this child and want to be a father however she wants to give up the child for adoption to a couple that she has found.

We talk about it all the time, and she always ends up saying "it's ultimately my decision, not yours" and I don't know to what extent that is true.

Some background: I'm 20 and have a job. She is 22 and student. We have been together for 2 years. We live in Buffalo, New York.

Is she right that it is her decision and not mine? And if not, how can I ensure that she can't give up the child for adoption behind my back?

Relevant Comments:

• Commenter: As your first step, you probably want to register with your state's putative father registry. That will help if the mother tries to keep you off the birth certificate. As the second step, you should contact a family lawyer. The mother will soon find out that giving up the baby for adoption is a lot more complicated than she naïvely thinks. So, sooner or later, lawyers will get involved. Better be prepared in advance than get surprised by it later. If she really doesn't want the baby. There is a good chance that you could get custody and she would have to pay you child support. But that's a legal problem best navigated with the help of a professional. If you can't afford a lawyer, see if there are any free clinics or try to borrow money. This is a decision that will affect the rest of your life. Don't be penny wise and pound foolish. Fight for your family! OOP: Thank you. I'll find the best family lawyer in town and call for an appointment on Monday. I was afraid that she can bypass me in this but I'll fight for my family as you say!
• I'm not a delusional person. My relationship with her will be over once the baby is born. She doesn't want this baby and if I end up with the baby, she'll be gone and I'm fine with that. I don't count on her for anything. I'll do everything I can to be a good father. My family will also help me. I don't deny that I'm a little freaked out but if I wasn't I guess you'd say I'm naive.
• I want full custody and having nothing to do with her unless she wants to, and I have no objections to her being involved if she changes her mind in the future. I don't count on it though, and I will prepare to be a single dad.
• I have a job in our family business which I'll run after my dad retires. I have a good car, I'm sure we can fit a good infant seat. I can afford daycare, good housing and other resources. I have a few months to educate myself on parenting and do the preparations. I might be 20 but I'm not stupid or lazy. This is my baby we're talking about. I'll do whatever it takes.
• She says she had her own dreams about developing her career and traveling the world and wants to be child free until her 30s. Well she's not an ex yet but from what she always says, she will be one when the baby is born. If she changes her mind, I'm willing to work things through with her if I can be convinced that she's now fully committed. I think we'll end up needing some counseling if she decides to stay with me and raise the child.

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Girlfriend is pregnant. I want the baby, she wants to give up for adoption. What does the law say? (Update) [July 30 2017]

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6qh6sq/new_york_girlfriend_is_pregnant_i_want_the_baby/

I guess it's time for me to post an update to this post. I don't have a happy update however. So much has happened.

On the advice of this sub I went to a lawyer and did all the necessary paperwork. My girlfriend changed her mind a few times between wanting to raise the baby with me and wanting adoption but in the final weeks of the pregnancy she told me that I'm not the father at all. I thought she was lying so I asked to do a test. We went and did one of the prebirth blood tests and the result was negative. She was telling the truth. I wasn't the father.

I broke up with her her then. I was so heartbroken. She had cheated on me and made me think I was going to be a father for months. I was curious about who the father was though. I asked her and she told me that it's the man who is going to adopt the child from her! Yes. This man fucked my girlfriend and now wants to adopt his own baby from my girlfriend with his wife who had no idea.

I thought his wife deserves to know so I went to their house (when he wasn't home) and told his wife everything. She had a complete breakdown in front of me. I felt sad that I caused this but I imagine it was her husband who cheated on her that really caused it. She called my now ex girlfriend to get confirmation and she told her the truth then called her husband and that was when I left.

Now the baby is born and I've heard that my ex girlfriend and the man have moved in together in an apartment and are raising the baby! I guess his wife will divorce him soon.

It will take me years to recover from this. I thank you for your advice and help. It's sad that things turned out this way and I hope this baby grows up to be a decent person despite being raised by two cheaters.

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Reminder: I am not the original poster. This is a repost.

Originally posted by u/Trimmli 5 years ago on r/legaladvice.