I am not the original poster. This is a repost.

Originally poster is u/thnxsgvnrehab. Originally posted 6 years ago on r/relationships.

During Thanksgiving I(25M) realized that 3 years ago i had sex with my GF’s married cousin (29F), Now I need to know who to talk to first.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3uw0p9/during_thanksgiving_i25m_realized_that_3_years/

I Met my GF Jessie(25F) 3 years ago while we were both in college. I had just gotten out of rehab for a very serious Cocaine addiction. She helped me stay clear of any drugs and has been the reason why i am alive to day. I truly feel that I owe her my life. This year we spent Thanksgiving at her Grandparents house along with her family. When we arrived I met some of her cousins and who one seemed familiar. This was Samantha who I thought I knew from around campus when she attended the same college as Jessie and i. She had moved out of state 5 years ago to live with her husband and was back for thanksgiving now with her 2 kids.

After the dinner, all of the younger cousins went outside to talk. It was Myself, Jessie, Sam, her husband Ricky, and 2 more of their cousins. We all started to talk about music and the theme of music festivals came up. I talked about a music festival that I have been attending for the past 6 years. Sam and Ricky also went to that festival 4 years ago and Sam went with her friends the next year. It wasn’t until they showed me pictures of when Sam went that I remembered where I knew her from.

During the year that Sam went with her friends I happened to run into her with some friends. I had shoulder length hair, was pale, and probably weighed 150lb while being 6’2. I now have short hair, tanner skin, with tattoos and with about 50lb of muscle. I am unrecognizable now. A lot of my memories from those years are pretty bad, but what I do remember is that when we met up with her group of friends we all got really friendly. it was 3 girls and 4 of us. We had rented a suite for the weekend and decided to invite the girls over. Do to a mixture of cocaine, alcohol and MDMA I can’t remember who had sex with who, but I think that I might have had sex with Sam and another one of my friends joined us, or I joined him. All I know is that myself and another guy had sex with Sam one night and my friends had sex with her the next night. The worst part is that during those days i never wore protection and I am sure that neither did my friend. I don’t know if we finished inside her or not, but the possibility exist.

Sam and her husband have been married for 5 years and have a 2YO and a new born. I am definitely going to inform Ricky about what happened, but my only concern is what will happen with Jessie. I can’t bare the possibility of losing her, she has been what has kept me sober throughout all of these years. She has been the angel on my shoulder that has kept me out of trouble. Sam still has the same tattoo on her shoulder so I am 100% sure that it was her, and on one of her pictures from the festival I am in the background with my back to the camera talking to my friends. I pretty much have no evidence to support my claims and if I confront Sam alone she will just deny it. I am sure she doesn't even recognize me.

What do I do?

Who do I talk to?

Should I even bother?

TL;DR: 3 Years ago I had an MFM? or a train? on my GF’s married cousin. She doesn’t recognize me, but I remember her.

Relevant Comments:

• I would probably feel like shit if i just stayed quiet. Wouldn't you want to know if your wife hooked up with two random guys and let them cum inside her while you thought she was out with her friends. She put her husband at risk of any STD's. Thankfully I am clean and had already finished before my friend when in, but i don't know if he was clean.
• I'm not destroying anyone else's marriage. Sam is the one that decided it was O.K. to get railed by two random guys that were intoxicated. I know for sure that myself and another guy had sex with her and that the same guy had sex with her the next day. This was all while she was married. I wasn't aware of her being married at the time.

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[UPDATE] During Thanksgiving I(25M) realized that 3 years ago i had sex with my GF’s married cousin (29F), Now I need to know who to talk to first.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4540i3/update_during_thanksgiving_i25m_realized_that_3/

All though I only got a few responses, I was surprised at the fact that 50% of the commenters said to just keep it a secret. Personally I kind of have morals so I decided that I was going to tell Jessie then Tell Rick. I had someone say that the times aligned with the chance that the oldest child could be mine since my friend and I didn’t use protection when we had sex with Sam, but genetically the baby doesn’t look like me and my friend is black.

During early December I got in contact with said friend and explained the situation. I asked him about that night, he wasn’t able to remember much, but does remember that we didn’t use a condom with Sam and that we both finished inside her. I was still thinking on how to approach Jessie about this when later that night Joe called me back telling me that he had some pictures from the festival weekend. There were 2 pics where you could see both Sam and I. One was me in the suite bathroom wiping blood from my nose and Sam was behind standing near me. The second picture was Sam sitting on the lap of the third guy she slept with on the second day. There were a few more picture of Sam and her friends.

I got everything I had and called Jessie over the next day. I set her down and told her everything as best as I could remember. She was devastated when i showed her the pictures. She was angry at me, but decided that she just needed some time to think. I gave her some time and explained to her that I wanted to be as honest as possible with her. I told her that I am forever thankful for her help during my rehab and recovery. That I wanted to tell her about this because I see a future with her and I could not hide something like this from her. I couldn’t risk it coming out in the open later when we are more committed. I informed her that I was planning on telling Rick and she was adamant about keeping that a secret. I asked her that if she was in his shoes how would she feel. She agreed, but said to give her some space to think.

We didn’t talk much for a week and on Christmas we met up with her family. Sam and Rick attended Christmas with Rick’s family so they could not attend. Sam and Rick came back for new years and that is when I decided to confront them. Jessie and I had a long talk about how I would do this. She wanted to do it anonymously, but I told her that it wouldn’t work. I told her that I would invite Rick to a bar on Sunday to watch some football. That Sunday Rick and I went to the bar and I waited until the end of the game to talk about it. I asked him if we could go to my apartment to talk about something serious. He had a weird look on his face, but agreed.

When we arrived at my place I told him about my past. I then told him everything about the encounter I had with Sam. I showed him the pictures and gave him all of the information I had. Rick’s face went pale when I told him that both my friend and I finished inside her. I could see his hands shaking. He asked how many other people did she sleep with and I told him that as far as I knew there were only myself and the other 2. I asked him if she was on birth control at the time, because if not that there might be a possibility that she might have gotten pregnant that week. He couldn’t remember if she was at the time, but a few weeks later she was pregnant. That is when he said he had enough and just got up and left. 5 minutes later he texted me asking for the pictures. I sent them to him and told him that out of respect I had to tell him and that he needed to know about the health risk that Sam had put him in.

Sam and the kids were staying at Jessie’s apartment. Jessie told me that when Rick arrived he just told Sam to pack their things and that they were leaving. Sam didn’t want to leave and asked why he was angry, but Rick just said that they would talk when they got home. Sam was not having any of it and demanded to know why. They began to argue and Jessie took the kids into her bedroom. A couple minutes later Sam and Rick came in to Jessie’s bedroom for the kids and they told her that they were leaving. Sam was crying and Rick was very upset, Jessie asked what was happening. Rick told Sam to put their stuff in the car while he explained. Rick went over the whole situation and Jessie corroborated the story I had told her.

A few days later Rick called me to talk about everything. He had been in a rut and moved into an apartment while he set up an appointment with a lawyer. After getting home from the trip Rick grilled into Sam about everything that happened. She started to confess, but only little by little. She had apparently had another affair a year ago while on a trip with some friends. Rick had sent for a paternity test for his oldest kid, but after a few days he sent another for his youngest. A week ago he posted on facebook that he and Sam were getting a divorce and that he is not the father of the youngest kid. Jessie’s grandma really dislikes me now for ruining Sam’s marriage since she is old school catholic and doesn’t believe in divorce.

Jessie and I have been working on ourselves and have been going to couples counseling to deal with this. It has been a bit rough over the past two months, but I feel good about my actions and I hope Jessie can understand.

TD;DR: I told Jessie about the situation, then told Rick. Rick confronted Sam and Slowly let the truth out. Rick got a paternity test for his kids and the oldest is his, but the youngest isn't. They are getting a divorce

Relevant Comments:

• From a commenter: I think if I were in the same situation as Jessie, I too would get irrationally angry and sad. Mainly because the sexual past of my SO intertwined with my family and that's just something you don't expect to deal with. Maybe also because of the pictures, when you see pictures of it it just becomes so vivid. While I don't think it's right to get angry at the SO for that, I would still be pretty emotional about it. OOP: This is pretty much it. She later apologized for getting angry. It was just a shock to her and she knew what was going to happen when i told rick.
• Comment deleted, but I am guessing someone asked why Rick would post his business on Facebook: He was getting a bit of shit from some friends when he left Sam and the kids to stay at is own place. It was more to like clear up the air

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I am not the original poster. This is a repost.

Originally poster is u/thnxsgvnrehab. Originally posted 6 years ago on r/relationships.