I am not the original poster. This is a respost subreddit.

The original poster is u/bloodmoonshine. Originally posted 3 years ago in r/relationships.

For some earlier context, this post is relevant and mentioned in the first post.

I (32F) don’t know how to handle Thanksgiving with my late husband’s family now that I’m dating (30M).

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9x3n6l/i_32f_dont_know_how_to_handle_thanksgiving_with/

Hi. I’ve (32F) posted here before about how my husband (33M) passed away and I was starting to date again. I got a lot of good advice so I’m hoping you guys can help me out one more time.

After months of dating around, I met Alan (30M) at the end of the summer. He is smart, funny, adorable, and accepts all of my baggage. He is extremely accepting of my memories of my late husband and has made no demands of me; I still have pictures up and tell stories from time to time. Alan isn’t bothered and supports me unconditionally.

Well, since it’s been a few months he’s met my mom and she invited him to Thanksgiving. (She adores him, for the record.) I was excited because he’ll get to meet the rest of my family and his family lives out of state so he’s used to spending the holiday by himself because of work.

I’m still very close with my late husband’s family, especially his mom. She and I regularly meet up for lunch. His family is aware of the relationship with Alan and supportive, but understandably sad. This hasn’t been an issue until today, when my MIL invited me to the family Thanksgiving.

Last year, my husband and I didn’t attend their dinner because he was feeling sick. I still feel bad about that.

Well, if I was alone it would be no problem. I’d stop by my mom’s, then make an appearance at my MIL’s. Except now Alan will be with me.

Both my mom and my MIL live in the suburbs of the city where I live, so it’s a 40 minute drive there (sometimes longer in traffic). It would be silly to drive Alan all the way home and then drive all the way back and all the way home again, all on Thanksgiving. Taking Alan into my MIL’s is out of the question, in my opinion. Leaving him in the car seems cruel, especially because I know she wants me to visit, not just pop in and out. And to be honest, I don’t want to drive separately because it’s a waste of money and selfishly I’m looking forward to the drive to my mom’s with Alan.

So what do I do here? It’s been hard enough breaking the news to my late husband’s family about having a boyfriend, and Alan has been so understanding about everything I don’t want to abuse that patience or prioritize my MIL over him. But they’re still my family.

See my problem?

TL;DR

My husband passed away a year ago. I have a new boyfriend who is attending Thanksgiving at my mom’s. My MIL wants me to visit her Thanksgiving dinner, but my boyfriend will be with me and it’s too far of a drive to take him home and go back. What do I do?

Relevant Comment:

• When someone gently asks how OOP was ready to start dating so quickly: Probably because I’m the type of person who really doesn’t like being alone. I entered the dating game hoping to just have a distraction and get myself out of the house, because months of isolated depression were truly getting to me. Also we didn’t have children together, which probably makes the process a little easier, but I have always wanted a family and at my age I worry about waiting too long to start one. If that makes sense.

UPDATE I (32F) don’t know how to handle Thanksgiving with my late husband’s family now that I’m dating (30M).

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/a0g3v4/update_i_32f_dont_know_how_to_handle_thanksgiving/

I got some really good advice about how to handle the first Thanksgiving after my husband passed, since I wanted to see his family as well as spend the day with my boyfriend Alan.

So I knew how much it would mean to my late husband’s family for me to at least stop by their dinner, but I also didn’t want my boyfriend to feel awkward or pushed aside. I’m happy to say he was an absolute gem and dinner at my mom’s was great. We played some games and ate a lot, then Alan drove me to my late husband’s family’s dinner and dropped me off.

I said hello to everyone and had a small plate (so much food!) then left after about an hour. My MIL was so happy to see me, and even though it was hard — she pulled me aside and cried a bit — I’m glad I went.

While I visited, Alan drove around a local park and played Pokémon Go, haha. So he was happy when he came back to get me and he had hatched a few eggs in the meantime. The next day we got our Christmas tree.

Communication with all parties wins again! Not a super exciting update but I’m glad I was able to make everyone happy and still have a good holiday myself. I know Christmas is going to be very hard but with the lovely, supportive people I’m lucky enough to know, I’ll be okay.

Thanks again for your advice, all you kind folks!

TL;DR Attended both Thanksgivings, boyfriend played Pokémon while I visited late husband’s family and everyone was happy so I was happy.

Relevant Comment:

• I’m definitely going to stay in their lives. They’ve made it very clear I’ll always be a part of the family and I want it to stay that way while still living whatever life I can without my husband. It’s not a fun position to be in but if I can bring them any happiness after losing their son so young, I will gladly oblige.

I am not the original poster. This is a respost subreddit.

The original poster is u/bloodmoonshine. Originally posted 3 years ago in r/relationships.