I am not the original poster. This is a repost.

The original poster is u/thanksgivingmess. Originally posted on r/relationships.

Me [32F] with my husband [33M]. We can't come to an agreement for Thanksgiving dinner.

https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/7bq8on/me_32f_with_my_husband_33m_we_cant_come_to_an/

Sorry if this is a little bit of a mess, I'm kind of in a hurry and trying to get my thoughts out as they come. Throwaway just in case.

In the ten years my husband and I have been married, and the two before that where we were dating, every single Thanksgiving has been spent with my family. Most of them (the ones I care about seeing) all live in the same town or very near whereas his only remaining family include Uncle R and Aunt S, who live about 250 miles away in another state.

It's the time of year where my average sized family is beginning to formulate Thanksgiving plans. My mom has almost always hosted but for the past six or seven years we either do it together or I host it myself. I enjoy cooking, I'm good at, and I'm willing. Up until this year it has always gone without saying that Thanksgiving will be spent at my mom's house with the two of us cooking. Well, on Sunday husband got a message on Facebook from Aunt S. She and Uncle R want to try their hand at hosting this year and hope he can come.

I don't mean to sound evil, but my heart sank as soon as he told me. I knew it was gonna cause problems. And I wasted no time letting him know I did not want to attend. There are a lot of reasons playing into this and I told him all of them. For one, I've met these people all of three times. They still love Husband to death and practically raised him themselves so he adores them but we don't have that relationship because they never visit. For two, I have NEVER spent a Thanksgiving without my family. The prospect of a holiday in another state with someone else's family, without my sister and mother, makes me want to cry. For three, I'm not big into traveling for the holiday. Think of all the Thanksgiving travelling horror stories. Do we really want to spend Wednesday driving 250 miles with two kids? I sure don't. Four...uhm, I want to cook. Five, husband is a first responder and worked last Thanksgiving and the Christmas before that so holidays where he's not scheduled to work are especially precious. Six, I mentioned this in passing to my mom and she is pissed. Husband is already on her shit list and now she's not speaking to him for even considering this. :/

Well, none of these reasons are good enough for him. He threw in my face how he's spent the last twelve Thanksgivings with my family but I can't give him one. He's kind of right, I guess, but screw that. Not sorry. By the time we were together he had been living independently from them for four years so he's used to spending the holidays without them. I, on the other hand, am not. I immediately asked if my sister and her kids at the very least could come but it doesn't work either way. Aunt S says the house might be too small for that many people (if it goes the way she wants it'll be our family of four, Aunt S, Uncle R, their son, his wife, and their baby. What's 3 more? But okay) and my sister doesn't want to take the kids out of state because of her ex husband. He still awkwardly attends our dinners for the kids but apparently couldn't travel to Indiana. Okay.

We've hit a standstill after three days of arguing. Nothing he says is getting through to me and nothing I say is getting through to him. He says we ARE going to their dinner and I say we are NOT. I'm not sure how to get him to see my side any clearer and agree. Although we have until the 29th to decide but I'd rather not let this fester until then. How can I get him to be more reasonable?

TL;DR: My husband's nearly estranged aunt and uncle randomly want to host Thanksgiving this year. I have never had a holiday away from MY family whereas husband has. We would have to drive 250 miles to get to his aunt and uncle's when all my family live nearby. I want to cook and I want to spend it with my family, not his aunt and uncle who have put in minimal effort to keep in touch with him and chose to move out of state. We have been arguing over this for three days and just cannot come to an agreement. I need help getting him to see my side.

Relevant Comments:

• So, pretty much everybody thinks that OOP is a giant asshole, just to get that out into the open.
• When someone suggests after 10 years, she can spend the holiday with his family OR they could each go to their separate families: No no, I'm not content with either of those. I'm literally gonna be pissed if I have to go to another state to eat dinner with people I don't know or care to see while my sister is back home without me. And like I said, holidays with my husband are especially precious so spending them separate sounds horrible. And like something a divorced couple would do. Edit: also, I don't think my kids would like spending the holidays separate too much
• as he still adores them the fact remains that they don't make efforts to keep in touch other than those handful of measly phone calls and Facebook 'love' reactions. I don't see that relationship as a reason to forfeit Thanksgiving with the other five people in my life other than my husband.
• I bet if I cave and am forced to endure the Aunt S and Uncle R Indiana Thanksgiving from hell, it won't end there. We're gonna be getting invites for Christmas and Easter and this and that and I ain't having that either.

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UPDATE Me[32F] with my husband[33M]. We can't come to an agreement on Thanksgiving.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/7ct04r/update_me32f_with_my_husband33m_we_cant_come_to/

Well...we did! I'm super happy about how this has turned out and despite some of the things said last time, a lot of you helped me.

None of us are going to IN and they aren't coming here. It's shaking things up too much and I don't want this to become a "thing" if we go to one. I stand by my argument that my family is more important; if the Aunt and Uncle were equally important to him then they would never have spent this long apart in the first place. My family's traditions aren't going to be disrupted for them and I'll get Thanksgiving with my sister and mom AND husband...whew. Crisis averted.

I could tell Aunt S was disappointed but she and husband talked and they're gonna drive here after the holidays for a visit. (They've said before that the reason they didn't come to us is that the drive is overwhelming...interesting...)

But anyway, I just wanted to share the news. The five day silent treatment and arguing is over lol. Thanks for the help, everyone.

TLDR: Thanksgiving will go as planned, the aunt and uncle are going to visit after the holidays.