This is a repost. I am not the original poster.

The original poster is u/3hairy5u. Originally posted on r/relationships.

Light editing done for clarity and typos

My [21F] boyfriend [22M] of 1.5 years suddenly is getting passive aggressive about my leg hair.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2r3zd0/my_21f_boyfriend_22m_of_15_years_suddenly_is/

Throw away because my BF sometimes uses reddit.

I don't shave. No armpits, no legs, no pubes. I do pluck my eyebrows. I haven't since 6th or 7th grade, and we my boyfriend and I first got together, I was very clear that I wouldn't be shaving. It just something I don't do. If I am going to a fancy event where my legs will be shown, I wear tan stockings and you can't even tell.

Anyways, he was fine with this for awhile, or at least never said anything about it. It is not like I was secretive of never shaving so it shouldn't have been a surprise. But recently, since about November, he has been making comments about it. Examples: "It doesn't take that long to shave!" and "Smooth legs are so nice." when we see a commercial for shaving products or something similar.

I kinda ignored the comments, as they weren't really directed at me, but they have been becoming more frequent and worse. He said to me something like "Your legs would be so nice if they were like that.' and I overhead a casual comment of how "hairy legs are gross" to his friends... and generally actually comparing my 'gross' legs to hairless 'nice' legs. Then, one day he came home from the grocery store with ladies shaving cream and a pack of women's razors. This was about two weeks ago. I clarified when he presented them to me that I would not be shaving. He said "They were just on sale so I bought them... just in case."

I don't care to, its itchy and time consuming and I just don't care. I am not unhygienic by any means, I shower at least ever two days and wear deodorant. I don't know why he was fine with it before and suddenly is being so weird about it. He hasn't even outright spoke to me about it and shared his concern over my hairy legs.

tl;dr Boyfriend is passive aggressive about my hairy legs. Where do I go from here?

Relevant Comments:

• The thing is, I do put a lot of effort into my appearance. I am really into makeup, clothing, nails, and hair. My makeup is usually done(nothing outrageous, just nice, natural) my nails manicured and painted, and my hair washed, blow dried, dyed regularly and styled. I workout and dress nicely unless its a lazy day. Literally all it is is my body hair. He has a beard, so he hardly has to shave, and probably takes less care of himself than I do of myself. He doesn't workout. I am feeling really weird about his passive aggressiveness. Why couldn't he just talk to me about it?
• My leg hair honestly isn't that bad even. It is lightish, and you can hardly see it on my thighs. It is weird because he hasn't complained about my pubes/armpits, which are both all natural. Just my legs.
• I did try to talk to him about it when he bought the shaving cream and razors. He just brushed it off though. It would be one thing if be outright asked me about it but he isn't even doing that.
• Honestly, if this was the beginning of a relationship it would be over. I am giving him more grace time because I really do like him and we have been dating for awhile.
• In response to repeated comments that not shaving is disgusting: Why is it disgusting? So are all men degusting because they don't shave their legs and armpits? Please evaluate why you think it is disgusting, because as far as I am concerned, it is not and I don't see a reason to shave.

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[UPDATE] My [21F] boyfriend [22M] of 1.5 years suddenly is passive-agressive about my leg hair.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2r8n1l/update_my_21f_boyfriend_22m_of_15_years_suddenly/

Hello users of r/relationships. My previous thread is locked, so let me clear up a few things before I get to the actual talk. Thank you for all the replies and advice in the last thread.

First things first, so many people made a comment about me saying I at least shower every two days. At least meaning I usually shower everyday but sometimes skip on the weekends if I am not doing anything. Yep, that is so gross guys.

Second, the last post was not about my leg shaving habits. It was aimed to solve his passive aggression and how I should speak to him about it. I am not a 'tumblr sjw' or a 'crazy cat lady' or a 'woman looking to ride the cock carousel' as many of you called me. It is rather cool that you know so much about me. I am not advocating by any means that all women should stop shaving. Do whatever the hell you want with your body hair.

Third, you telling me or anyone who chooses not to shave their legs (whether it be out of laziness or just plain old preference) it is gross and nasty and unhygienic is not suddenly going to show them the light and ultimate truth of the ways of glorious sleek legs. We know what we are doing. We know a lot of people find it 'gross', but obviously, it doesn't matter that much to us that strangers do. It is not unhygienic if you properly take care of yourself. This is a conscious choice I have made.

For the people who actually gave me advice on how to deal with is passive aggression, thank you. It gave me the confidence to ovary up and talk to him.

Anyways, to the update. I met up with my boyfriend a little earlier today to finally just outright talk about it. I told him yesterday I had something important to talk to him about. He agreed to meet up with me today.

We had some small talk in the beginning, but I launched right into the convo. I told him that I have been noticing his passive aggressiveness and 'hints' about my choice not to shave lately and how I find it very disappointing that he couldn't outright talk to me about it. He got this downtrodden look on his face and didn't reply immediately, so I continued.

I told him that I have made the choice not to shave and he knew about it since the beginning. I asked him if he wasn't okay with it from the beginning or if it something recent. He finally began talking.

He said that it just suddenly bothered him. He was apathetic towards it at the beginning. It was just hair after all.

I asked him what changed his mind, but I assured him that it is okay to have a change in preference but if he knew what happened I would like to know. I was trying to hint at maybe one of his friends saying something before I outright asked.

He said that he didn't know, but I could clearly tell he did. I asked him if he was embarrassed by it. Did one of your friends say something about it? He sheepishly replied yes. So I asked him if he wasn't attracted to me because of my leg hair or if he was still apathetic towards it sexually but embarrassed because other people were making remarks about it. He said the latter.

I explained that I was not only disappointed in the he handled it, his extreme passive aggression, but that his opinion of me could be so easily swayed after a year of a solid relationship. He still was pretty quite.

I said I wanted to think over our conversation and I wanted him to think over it too, and that we could talk at a later date because he was still not being fully open with me. I told him that since this is one of our first big conflicts in our relationship, we have to feel through it together and be open with each other. He agreed with me. I asked if he wanted to talk now or later, and he said later. I got up and left.

I don't know how I feel about this conversation. I hope after a day of thinking it over we can come to an agreement together.

Edit: I love it when people don't read the text and just comment on how gross it is to have hairy legs and tell me it isn't a big deal. No, shaving isn't but passive aggression and communication is. Seriously. This isn't a shaving problem, it is a communication problem.

Edit 2: Gold?! Why thank you! This was just supposed to be an alt account, but maybe I will use it. Thanks to whoever gave it to me.

tl;dr : I talked to my boyfriend about his passive aggression. We both agreed we need to feel through this conflict together.

Relevant Comments:

• As I have said multiple times, if he wanted me to shave, he should've asked me like an adult. Not call my legs gross and compare me to other women. This isn't an issue about my legs, it is an issue about communication.
• I am willing to compromise if he can clearly articulate and commincate with me. As I said in my post, I am seeking a compromise. I feel like noone is truly reading what I said and just commenting.

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[UPDATE 2 (final update)] My [21F] boyfriend [22M] is suddenly passive agressive about my leg hair.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2yz9un/update_2_my_21f_boyfriend_22m_is_suddenly_passive/

TLDR of first posts: BF was passive aggressive about my leg hair. I tried to talk to him and he didn't really respond but admitted that his friends influenced his liking of my legs and body hair.

Hello Reddit! Since my first post and update post, my boyfriend and I have broke up. He was unable to communicate, and I realized I have been viewing this with rose-tinted glasses as he was my first serious and long term boyfriend (First long term BF was in HS and it wasn't very serious. This was my first 'real life' boyfriend.)

Even leaving out the leg hair thing, upon reflection, I realized he always has been more passive aggressive than open. He always compared to me other women, women that I am not. I am 6' tall, and he would make subtle remarks whenever I wore heels that he wished I was shorter, shorter like that girl over there, or wishing I didn't wear heals. He never outright asked me not to in a polite manner, mind you. More comments were made about my appearance in a similar way, but not super frequently. He also always got uncomfortable around my overt sense of humor (I find gross things funny. Farting, pooping, burping, the works. I do know there is a time and a place though. I wouldn't be having a trumpet solo in a public place or whatever. My friends also have this sense of humor and he always got rather quiet and distant around them) He also compared himself to everyone too, putting himself down and basically begging me to bring him up. I did so. And I didn't even realize it. It's funny how something as silly as my want to not shave made me realize that we weren't as well matched.

Anyways, for about a week after our convo, I urged him to talk to me more. He really didn't. So I sat him down a week later and basically said "What's your problem?" but nicer. I wanted to make it work even after my realization. I did love him. He didn't really speak his mind for a bit, but once be did, he said he was embarrassed by me and wished I was more feminine and shit like "those other girls." (for clarification, I mean the 'perfect' girls he always talked about. Not girls who chose to shave or be more feminine or whatever. Follow your dreams ladies.) Of course, he mentioned his friends mocking me. I knew that this wasn't going to work after that, sadly.

The next day, I went to Lush and Sephora, bought myself a crap tone f bath products, and, you guessed it, shaving products. I went home and shaved. It was a unique experience to say, my legs were nice and silky. I decided I at least needed to try and see if it was worth it. I haven't shaved since then, but I am glad I gave it an opportunity.

It honestly was a pretty neutral break up. No hard feelings really. I was upset for a few days (Hence my fancy makeup and bath works shopping spree) but we have seen each other around and said hello. I really hope he finds new friends though, I now realize they are the douchebags that a lot of people don't wanna hang around with. The annoying college guys, the shallow ones. A persons friends reflect themselves as the saying goes. Oh well, I still wish him the best and I can honestly say I am glad we are over.

Once again, thanks for the advice, the support, and whatever, even if it was just calling me nasty or whatever for not shaving.

TL;DR: Rose tinted glasses were flung off. Broke up with him after realizing that we weren't as compatible as I thought. Randomly decided to shave my legs. They are almost back to their full glory though now.

Relevant Comments:

• I don't want this post to be construed as I want everyone not to shave, I just want everyone to do what they want (with limits of course. Killing and hurting others ain't good, friends.) I think change is good, but not change that is unnecessary to build me up as a good, better person. Not Shaving my legs is not a detriment to my character.
• In response to this comment: He did communicate with you. He asked you to shave and be feminine. You don't want to. OOP: He didn't ask though. He said, in the final conversation, that I was embarrassing and didn't like how I was for things I cant change (height, personality) but never asked me to reform. He just said that and didn't ask. It wasn't worth it to me. I already am pretty feminine (minus my shaving habits) so I cant magically become shorter and cuter and less independent in personality.
• In response to this comment: I'm a bit confused. Did you shave your legs before or after you guys broke up? OOP: Haha the day after we broke up. I decided "Why the hell not? I haven't in forever." And also, since I haven't in awhile, I couldn't really remember how it felt to be shaved. It was also just a nice treat yo self day. Painted my nails, used fancy lotion, took a glorious bath. Well, now I have for sure decided that not shaving is cool with me for now. I am open to it though! Especially with my LUSH shaving cream sitting in not use in my bathroom...