Part 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/qnhvhu/i_did_heroin_yesterday_i_am_not_a_drug_user_and/

Part 2:

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/qnhz8o/i_did_heroin_yesterday_i_am_not_a_drug_user_and/

I am not the original poster. This is a repost sub.

This was posted 2 years ago by u/register2014. I've added some additional posts that I found while putting this together, as well as a recent update. The update is on Part 4, as this was too big to put all in one post.

Trigger warning: drug use, more details about how drugs feel than you could shake a stick at, terminally bad decisions (quite literally)

Obviously, these being AMAs, there are a ridiculous number of comments to wade through. That said, I've done my best, and my main goal was to put any new or unique insights in and repeat the same concepts over and over again. Also in my digging I found posts that appear to be by SpontaneousH, though started by burner accounts of his originally & than answered by his SpontaneousH account. Dates are listed to paint a fuller picture of the devolution and recovery.

Editing done as needed for readability, though I left some of the writing he did during drug trips as-is.

Because of length, I have split this into several posts. If you want a TLDR, here you go:

Privileged dude who claims to have little drug experience tries heroin for "fun". Asserts he can just try it once and it's fine. Turns out, he gets hooked on H, has an impressively extensive prior drug experience including previous rehabs for pot. Spends years on a defiant downward spiral on drugs where pretty much everybody and everything is to blame except for himself. Gets sober about 5 years later doing the exact program he originally disdained (AA). Has stayed clean & sober, even through the pandemic.

Part 3

Oct 10th 2009 - I became a heroin addict in 1 month and went through the cycle from snorting, to shooting, to withdrawals, ruining relationships, and now recovery, AMA v. let's try this again.

Alright my last attempt at this got overwhelmed with downvotes and people telling me I am a lying troll attention whore and this was impossible and a made up story. Before I post proof first I would like to say I wish I was a liar and a troll considering the hell I have been through, anyone with the nerve to call me a liar or attention whore please consider that no one would want to go through this or do it for attention. I have only posted about my experiences while sober, when I was high I didn't care about reddit, just being or getting high on heroin.

Here are pics of my old gear and a few bags (since used or thrown out), some of my current healing track marks (I treat them with ointment and vitamin E oil constantly, so they are healing nicely), and my Suboxone pills. If that's not enough proof that I'm not full of shit like some people have kindly accused me of being I don't know what is and frankly don't care.

Now the reason i am posting this is because my inbox was filled with personal messages asking how I was doing and for an update, so I am posting an update. Whether or not you care or are interested I am posting this for those people.

Well today it has been a little over a month since I first tried heroin for what I thought would be a one time experiment. I was naïve then and thought I could beat it and do it once. I was very wrong and got addicted after that first time, started snorting it a lot, then 2 weeks later started injecting. Since then my life fell apart; I was IVing 8-15 bags of heroin a day, and when I was not using and trying to stop I was going through withdrawal hell and would give in to using again. My girlfriend left me just as I was getting serious about getting clean. She doesn't understand and can't as much as I try to explain it and she is still in love with me, I don't know what's going to happen with our relationship now but the secrets and drug use really messed it up.

I knew something needed to be done and I got some amazingly quick help from my psychiatrist which was encouraged by my family, and I was referred to a doctor/hospital that administered Suboxone. I got evaluated and lab work done on Thursday, had to get tested for Hepatitis and HIV on top of other stuff due to IV use. The nurse who took my blood looked at me with disgust as she jabbed a huge needle into my already track marked vein. I used to cringe and look away getting blood taken but this time I was fascinated and impressed with her accuracy. Although I was a little put off that she stuck a needle into the one inch of vein on my arm where I was shooting into and stuck it in a direct place that had already been shot into recently, I don't think they're supposed to do that and it was out of spite for me being an IV user....

I got approved the next day and got my first two small doses in the office where I was monitored for a couple hours. You have to not use opioids for a day before and be in withdrawal before taking it or else you can get seriously sick and go into sudden withdrawal.

Anyway I got a weeks prescription and went to get it filled. My insurance barely covered any of it and I had to pay $90 for 1 week worth of a starting dose. I can see why a lot of people wouldn't be able to afford it, for some people heroin is almost cheaper.

Anyway I took 8mg yesterday and was still feeling sick but a little better. I took 16mg today which is all I am allowed for now and feel shitty but not nearly as bad as if I were really in withdrawal, so it is a big help. I think in a day or so when I get the dose right I should feel fine. However today is the first time I've been able to think semi-clearly in a month. People had asked me to do another AMA a month after I used to here it is, a lot of the warnings were right, go ahead and AMA.

Editor's Note: This was written from a different account and while deleted, the wayback machine delivers yet again! SpontaneousH's answers as though he is the original poster and the writing style matches up, so I am marking this as his.

Relevant Comments:

• There was no comedown or withdrawal from the first use. A few days later I called the guy again to get a few more bags. I got royally ripped off but I did them and enjoyed it. I still thought I could do it recreationally and not get hooked. Before you are addicted the drug still alters your mind and thinking and becomes like another voice in your head justifying your use. A few days later I bought a bundle (10) off him. then I met a junkie who said he could get me some real deals - $70 bundles of some great stuff. When I met up with him he asked how I did it, I said I snorted and I asked if he IVed, he said he did and offered to shoot me up, and that's how that started. He was part of a needle exchange program so he was able to supply me with new sealed needles in addition to good deals on heroin. i last bought a brick (50 bags) from him, then he owed me a few was going to give them to me yesterday and I told him to keep them and i was done and that was that.
• I'm taking a break from my regular responsibilities for a month or more to try something new and different while I stay clean. I just don't have many ideas right now, I need a break from my old routine and to find something that will be exciting so I don't get bored with life and will hopefully lead to a more fulfilling path.
• meth is one thing I never tried. As I explained before, my original story was mostly true with some details altered to protect my identity, like my previous drug experience which I have listed elsewhere that is not so innocent and on the contrary rather comprehensive, although at the time i tried it I hadn't done anything other than drink alcohol for 6-7 months. Meth is the one thing I never tried and was curious about but I am glad I have it off my record. Watching the movie Spun and then getting addicted to the show Breaking Bad just got me more interested in meth. Now that I have been an IV drug user I'm more thankful I haven't touched meth and hopefully won't ever. I tried IV coke during all of this which was pretty crazy, and from what I've heard about Meth it is not something to mess with an even crazier.
• I was buying bags of some great shit that gets rates 8.0-8.5 in quality by people with a lot more experience than me. If you read bluelight there is a thread with heroin brands/stamps and ratings. No bullshit here. I was shooting 10-15 bags of high quality shit a day. Why does that not make sense? Tolerance builds quick, ex-junkies OD if they start up because they have zero tolerance, I have a lot more than any ex junkie.

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Sun, Feb 7th, 2010 Update on a Previous Post

I just logged back into this account and I can't believe that was four months ago, it seems like years. I am very lucky to have a supporting family but it definitely strained all my relationships and threw my life way off course. I was using and fully addicted for about a month when I went on suboxone and got cleaned up. That went well for 2-3months and then I started fucking around with my suboxone dosage and trying to get my tolerance low so I could get high from it (2mg or less per day down for 16-24). I was IVing my suboxone daily, discovered the needle exchanges and got pretty obsessed with the act of IV use in itself, and after being on low doses of IV suboxone looking for a high and tasting it again it was bound to happen.

I relapsed and had an odd 6-8 weeks of switching back and forth between heroin and buprenorphine, often very rapidly doing tiny gradual doses of suboxone every ten minutes hours after a several day dope binge. That avoided the precipitated withdrawals associated with going on bupe too soon after using opiates and I found a way to do it without being in withdrawal at all. I went for a week or so sober maybe during that period. It was usually 3-4 days of heroin, hydromorphone, and or fentanyl IV then 3-4 days of getting back on Suboxone and feeling depressed and shitty with minor withdrawal symptoms (just sweats, depression, and loss of energy) then starting the process all over again.

It was too easy to cheat because I could use all the opiates I wanted then get right back on suboxone without experiencing any major discomfort. Last week I stopped and got back on a high bupe dosage of 24mg a day. I'm pretty confident I'm done with dope, I'm lucky I didn't fuck myself over completely with that relapse and I needed to stop before I really did some serious damage to my life.

I'm lucky I only lost cash, some trust, and time. I don't want to think about how much i spent, but too much- maybe a couple grand, I just know it could have been much worse. I'm lucky to be alive. I was IVing a lot of fentanyl and that shit is playing with fire. I would extract 5mg from a patch and prep a measured solution that I could IV. I got up to IVing 1000 mcg (1 mg) at a time up to 15mg in a several hour period sometimes combined with a bundle or two of high quality diacetylmorphine hcl on some occasions and people have ODed and died from much less.

I would do it alone and I would have a shot of Narcan ready to inject into my thigh if I felt I was on the verge of ODing which luckily never happened (I also had powdered suboxone and tablets at easy access to also stop a potential OD, buprenorphine is a good thing for people to keep around who don't have naloxone, it works and will throw someone out of an OD and into precipitated WD pretty quick).You're definitely right that suboxone works when you take it and I learned the hard way why they prescribe overly high doses, it is definitely for my own good to take more than I need and not get cravings or even be able to get high for several days if I was determined to. So onto this next chapter with my life and dealing with addiction. I hope I will never touch any opiate or opioid again other than buprenorphine for maintenance.

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Oct 25th 2010 - IAmA patient in a psychiatric hospital. I was also technically dead last week, AMA.

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/dw6u0/iama_patient_in_a_psychiatric_hospital_i_was_also/

I am in one of the nation's finest hospitals and get internet access in 30 minute intervals before having to restart my browsing session which is kind of annoying, along with the pesky web filter (I will be very grateful if anyone can help me get around it, all proxies I have tried are blocked).If you are reading this and know me you probably already know who I am, AMA.

Edit: I can't believe it has been over a year since I discovered heroin and did the AMAs on here after first trying it and several months later. Time flies when you're an addict.

Relevant Comments:

• I am kind of indifferent about being here. After what happened I understand why they put me here. It's kind of relaxing although I find the treatment (other than the giving me a break part) slow and unhelpful. This hospital and unit is like a mini resort- I have my own room and bathroom that is like a nice dorm room with TV plus we can order massages, etc.
• I overdosed on a combination of (mostly) fentanyl, plus I had a lot of diphenhydramine, pregabalin, temezepam, and maybe some lingering oxymorphone in my system. I stopped breathing with several fentanyl patches in my mouth (they were previously used and I thought they had much less left in them) partially blocking my airway and would have been dead dead if I was found 10 minutes later according to EMS. It took multiple shots of Narcan to revive me.
• I was supposed to go to Florida today but now I'm stuck here in limbo for who knows how long. They made me go through 4 days of hellish withdrawals before I had enough buperenorphine in my system to help. Suboxone is powerful stuff and I had no idea how much tollerance I had built up from fentanyl use in the weeks prior until the WDs hit even WITH a decent suboxone dose.
• I still don't know how I'm ever going to live an opiate free life. The most I have gone without opiates since getting hooked was 3-4 months. Ditching all drugs is an even harder thought and I have only had 2-3 months of real sober time since discovering substances 5 years ago. It always creeps back on me.
• 5 months ago I swore I would never touch a drug or alcohol again and it just made relapse worse and made me feel like complete shit after it happened. It's better to be realistic. I know I will have struggles down the road, the best I can do is minimize them and make it safer and less frequent/shorter duration.
• I guess my biggest regret is all the financial and emotional stress I've put on my family with my use (outpatient rehabs that worked for a few months and many lost semesters at an expensive Ivy League school). Actually my biggest regret might be going there in the first place since that's where it all started and three years later I changed majors making most of my credits worthless, but I did learn a lot of other things about myself and had some meaningful romantic relationships because of it.
• I have many hobbies and my school is begging me to come back claiming I'm one of the most talented students they have ever seen (design). Not to come off sounding arrogant, that's just what they told me.
• Architecture which does encompass graphic design as well. Bronze and steel working (sculpture), electronics building/modding, and downhill ski racing to name a few.
• I want to tell my OD story on [bluelight.ru]in the hopes that it saves some people's lives seeing as it is home to the most intelligent and well informed addicts in the world and anyone can get a little too cocky and not wake up. It wouldn't be the first or the 50th on there and every reminder helps considering I was a prominent figure.

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Oct 27th 2010 - IAmA heroin/opioid/multi-substance addict w/ bi-polar disorder headed to rehab tomorrow because I didn't listen to reddit. I ODed one week ago and am in a psych hospital, AMA

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/dx7fa/iama_heroinopioidmultisubstance_addict_w_bipolar/

New AMA. Tomorrow I leave this psychiatric unit to go to a substance abuse unit for a couple weeks before heading to a long term residential rehab program. I was technically dead from a fentanyl overdose last week and was revived with multiple shots of Narcan- if I was found ten minutes later I would have been dead for good according to EMS. Reddit warned me I would become an addict when I did an AMA a little over a year ago after first trying heroin- needless to say I didn't listen and am paying the consequences. Whether or not it would have made a difference is questionable considering my personality (a staggering number of bi-polar people become addicts). This is my third extremely close encounter with death from drugs in the last year- I have done more than you probably know exist. This is my third chance at life and I don't know if I will get any more, AMA.

EDIT: I get transferred to the rehab unit in like an hour which is open door and has a lot of freedom and is even nicer than this unit, yay!

Relevant Comments:

• The problem with that power coming from within is I'm too intelligent for my own good (multiple doctors have told me this, I'm not trying to sound arrogant- I just had this conversation 45min ago) and I will be fine for a couple months then slowly my mind will rationalize going against what I should be doing. I also get easily frustrated with doctors and therapists who don't know near as much about drugs and pharmacology as I do and when I hear them say something false or have to look up something I mention it's very hard for me to take them seriously and respect them even though they may have something valuable to offer.
• I think it says something that the two times I ODed were when I was forced to stay at home and was pulled out of my individual living situation which they were supporting. I was INJECTING fentanyl when I was living alone and never had any problems but ODed twice from buccal fentanyl in the span of less than a week under their supervision.
• I was much more careful and safer IVing when I had the privacy to take my time and spread out my gear but when I had to constantly look over my shoulder and feared them ever finding a trace of IV use I took shortcuts and ODed from what most people would misconceive as safer ROAs. If I relapse it will be IV only, no fucking around with this oral shit that runs the risk of continuing to feed you drugs even if you nod off.
• AA is very different from an inpatient rehab and an atheist-agnostic AA is kind of an oxymoron. I mean you have to change or ignore half the steps... Just saying.

Part 4: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/qnia95/i_did_heroin_yesterday_i_am_not_a_drug_user_and/