Part 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/qnhvhu/i_did_heroin_yesterday_i_am_not_a_drug_user_and/

I am not the original poster. This is a repost sub.

This was posted 2 years ago by u/register2014. I've added some additional posts that I found while putting this together, as well as a recent update. The update is on Part 4, as this was too big to put all in one post.

Trigger warning: drug use, more details about how drugs feel than you could shake a stick at, terminally bad decisions (quite literally)

Obviously, these being AMAs, there are a ridiculous number of comments to wade through. That said, I've done my best, and my main goal was to put any new or unique insights in and repeat the same concepts over and over again. Also in my digging I found posts that appear to be by SpontaneousH, though started by burner accounts of his originally & than answered by his SpontaneousH account. Dates are listed to paint a fuller picture of the devolution and recovery.

Editing done as needed for readability, though I left some of the writing he did during drug trips as-is.

Because of length, I have split this into several posts. If you want a TLDR, here you go:

Privileged dude who claims to have little drug experience tries heroin for "fun". Asserts he can just try it once and it's fine. Turns out, he gets hooked on H, has an impressively extensive prior drug experience including previous rehabs for pot. Spends years on a defiant downward spiral on drugs where pretty much everybody and everything is to blame except for himself. Gets sober about 5 years later doing the exact program he originally disdained (AA). Has stayed clean & sober, even through the pandemic.

Part 2

Sept 27th 2009 - 2 weeks ago I tried heroin 'once for fun' and made an AMA, I have been using since and shot up for the first time today, AMA

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9ohdc/2_weeks_ago_i_tried_heroin_once_for_fun_and_made/

Weds night update: fucking I'm still withdrawling throwing up and sweating out gallons of sweat. i really want to use and relapse right now, I know i shouldn't. these urges are so strong and overpowering. Please help me if you can before I get the chance to.

1000 comment update: Fuck my life. I wish I was trolling and this was all some elaborate lie. I was doing everything right, have been clean, and somehow a rumor got out that I've been using and my girlfriend found out and she basically broke up with me last night but is now putting that decision on hold. I have some serious unrelated business/work I need to attend to in two hours and I don't know if I'll be in any state to be able to and be ready. I can't stop crying. Fuck heroin. Fuck my life. I guess I don't need to say that since heroin pretty much fucked my life for me in under two weeks, I just want to die.

NA UPDATE Went to NA, I shared my story and it seemed to hit a lot of people, I cried, I got a lot of support and numbers and feel like I'm in a good place and truly believe I never have to use again. I will be going back.

Update #whatever: I slept for about 30 hours, sweat out my entire body and now I feel ok. I also took a shit for the first time in like a week which was pretty awesome. I can stop this on my own, I don't even think I need NA but I'm not ruling it out, I have no craving or desire to do heroin. I'm sure some of you will be quick to say I need real support and maybe you're right, but right now I think I'll be ok.

New update: i appreciate all the genuine concern and advice. I finished my stash (bad idea but too late), threw out my needles, and am too faded to respond to comments for now. When I sober up in a couple hours I'll check out some NA meetings.

EDIT: I nodded off after taking another hit at 4AM and couldn't be bothered to look at this anymore and just woke up sore with a headache. For those of you who think I'm a troll because I can do heroin and type well with good grammar, fuck off. It's not that hard if you type slowly and carefully without looking at the screen (the screen is a blur and too bright) and it's challenging but I would rather post coherently than like an idiot, I know it's hard to believe someone dumb enough to do heroin is 'intelligent' in other regards.

Comments disintegrated into mindless bandwagon accusations of being a troll, I wanted to engage in a discussion and know I need help and my mind isn't exactly right. I'll sift through the posts and respond to the genuine ones once I feel better.

For people calling fake is this enough proof for you? (contents of photo:link to an image of drug paraphernalia, including needle) Do you want to see my track marks too? They're not pretty and this is under 24 hours after first shooting up. I'm not proud of any of this and posted it here because I can't tell anyone in my life and don't want to keep it to myself. I figured doing another IAMA would give me the opportunity to talk about my issues anonymously and help realize the extent of my problem through feedback, the assholes saying this is all fake trolling can fuck themselves. People can post about being prostitutes and all sorts of things that harm a large number of other people but dismiss someone on the track to becoming an addict who needs help and just wants to talk and maybe help some other people form making the same mistakes. I appreciate the people giving legitimate advice and asking questions. I'm going to the next NA meeting I can find....

================================================================================ I know there will be a lot of people telling me 'I told you so' and urging me to seek help, and they are right. That's all good and trust me I know the danger I am in of ruining my life but let's please keep this an AMA first and foremost.

I will be checking out an NA meeting this week and I know I am on a fast track to becoming an addict and I want to stop it before it gets out of control and I'm physically addicted. No one in my life can know about this and I want to stop before it is too late

I have been using for 2-3 day periods then taking a couple days off then using again. The breaks were in part to try not to get hooked and in part because I had an unreliable dealer who charged me more than double what I should be paying. I got ripped off several times when I tried to buy off the street (my former dealer is the guy who I first bought from).

Today I met a guy through some internet channels who said he could get bundles (10 small bags of heroin) for significantly less than half the price my old dealer gave me on his 'most fair' deal. He also happened to be an IV user and had a stash of sealed needles and supplies and offered to shoot me up.

I had kind of hoped I would find someone who would and he was a pro finding my small hidden veins and injecting a bag in one shot. To quote trainspotting "Take the best orgasm you've ever had, multiply by 1000, and you're still nowhere near it."

He gave me some new needles and tourniquets and when I got home I tried to do it myself. After not hitting a vein countless times I finally got a red flag and was good to go. I have injected 5 bags since 4pm, the last one a little less than an hour ago and am tempted to do one more. AMA. Forgive me for any delays if I nod off...

Relevant Comments:

• I'm not addicted by any real standards yet so I can't tell you, it's all mental at this point.
• I did smoke crack though, I didn't do it again and didn't really like it.
• I have been doing heroin for two weeks, the first thread was kind of fun, now I'm ashamed which is why I haven't told anyone and scared now which is why I made this thread. I made a rule that I would never IV a drug and I broke it yesterday/today, and that scares me.
• In this economy I'm not dropping 30k on some fancy rehab program that might not work and when I'm not a real addict yet.
• This isn't denial, but I'm not at junkie status yet, I will stop and do another IAMA in a few weeks talking about how I quit the habit and have been clean. {emphasis mine}
• I felt the withdrawal a little bit this morning and did a bag to get back to normal and barely felt high. I am a little high right now after finishing the last two bags and I think some clonazapam I have will help ease any withdrawal I have later.
• I'll consider this my lowest point and everything will be uphill moving forward!
• I have problems with pot. In my original post I lied a bit and underplayed my drug experience. I was a huge pot addict and had major problems with it, it was much worse than where I'm at with heroin now in terms of how much it fucked up my life, and I relapsed 3 times and wasted over $15000 in a couple years back when I was a teen. I've been to drug therapy before for pot, I don't fuck with the stuff now but was able to stop at will and haven't touched it in over three years. I was a grower and the whole deal. Pot and me do not mix, I went to expensive therapy and it was a waste of money, I didn't need it. {emphasis mine}
• I passed up and woke up and feel like shit now, I'm going to go to a night meeting, I feel like I have the flu and cant stop shaking unless I'm under three blankets and the warmth of my laptop in this 80 degree room....
• I am aware relapsing is not hard, but for a clean cut professional looking white guy finding heroin isn't easy. I kept my dealers numbers just so I know what they are and can ignore them if/when they call. It's been 38 hours since my last use, I'm over the physical withdrawal and have no craving to use again right now which is a good sign.
• It's been over two days and I have no urge to use yet my life seems to keep getting worse and falling apart, I won't kill myself because I know how it would affect my loved ones, but I'm pretty low and I don't know what I can possibly do to get better.
• About his girlfriend: She is making me feel really guilty about the whole thing and says she lost a lot of trust. I am really in a bad spot here, I know I screwed up, I never wanted to drag her down too and I apologized and explained this all. She still makes me feel guilty when I feel like she should be fully ready t offer support. I'm waiting for her to call back, you make a good point, if she is going to keep holding this against me instead of offering full love and support then you might be right and I will have to think about this relationship differently, and I have been thinking and want to see how it turns out....I don't think she will leave me, but if she does over this then she's not the type of person I fell in love with and I might be better off moving on.
• Oct 10th (2 weeks after his post): just started on Suboxone treatment. Today is my second day with it and I finally feel normal again. I will make another AMA shortly. Thanks for the concern.

​

Oct 10th 2009 - I tried heroin a month ago, made an AMA, got addicted & started injecting, & just started Suboxone treatment, AMA https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9ssqc/i_tried_heroin_a_month_ago_made_an_ama_got/

Relevant Comments:

• Commenter: I highly doubt that you've become addicted to heroin after only a month. OP: Well you're very wrong and ignorant. It only took a few days.
• Commenter: Do you now understand why people told you not to fuck with heroin? OP: Oh yeah, but it was too late after I already did it once
• Look, it wasn't addiction the first few times, I know that and never said it was. But once you experience a feeling so good your mind will convince you it's ok to do it a few more times, then it turns into addiction from repeated use. The drug affects your brain and how you think before you get addicted.
• I went through it all so fast I managed to skip the rock bottom stealing car stereos part and doing a lot more harm to everyone around me. I did some harm, but it could have been much worse and now that I'm here I know I can't go back to using.
• I know many people personally who Suboxone saved their lives. I won't let some people's negative experiences scare me away from a great treatment option. There are many success stories with it, I was much worse off on Heroin. In the short time I used if I wasn't injecting at minimum 3 bags 3 times a day I was going through hell or looking for ways to get more. I'm going to be cautious with the dose and time I'm on it. Options for getting off Heroin aren't great, quit yourself, go through hell and probably relapse, get on methadone which is worse than Suboxone in terms of trading drugs and have to go to a sketchy clinic, or Suboxone.
• The girlfriend thing is complicated and I might get into it later.... What have I learned? Heroin is a hell of a drug and physical addiction sucks.
• More about the girlfriend situation: I said some nasty things when she left and it's long distance so that is going to be difficult and I'm working on it.
• The actual truth about the girlfriend situation: We are broken up but started talking again yesterday. It's complicated.
• I feel relieved right now that I am not using heroin and constantly finding ways to buy it and hiding my use from everyone in my life and can just live now.
• I've done plenty of harder drugs with no problems before, including strong opiates, so I didn't think heroin would be much different than oxymorphone.... Cocaine was never a problem as much as I did it. Maybe I just got lucky when I did oxymorphone since I didn't have access to it again, who knows?
• https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9ssqc/i_tried_heroin_a_month_ago_made_an_ama_got/c0e9prh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3 Editor's Note: This exchange between a person with addicted siblings and OOP is interesting but lengthy and (believe it not) I am trying to not make this any longer than needed to cover all points.
• One week of addiction is more experience than anyone can gain from a lifetime of being around addicts and experiencing everything second hand through them. I knew plenty of junkies before I ever used, knew people who died, and never understand why they did it and what it was like until I became an addict.

Part 3: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/qni563/i_did_heroin_yesterday_i_am_not_a_drug_user_and/