I am not the original poster. This is a repost.

The original poster is u/throwagoawayalready. This was originally posted on r/relationships.

A colleague (30ish M) that I (28F) dislike keeps trying to force an uncomfortable conversation with me. How do I navigate this?

https://www.reveddit.com/v/relationships/comments/7wewwb/a_colleague_30ish_m_that_i_28f_dislike_keeps/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=relationships&utm_content=t3_7zom8g

I met this guy we’ll call “Justin” about a year ago. We run in the same arts scene, and he was friends with my SO so I was friendly with him at first. After getting to know him a bit better, I started picking up on a ton of red flags that I really try to avoid in friendships and men in general. He’s superficially charming, but he’s got a fragile ego, and short temper. He’s pushy, confrontational, and misogynistic. On top of that, he’s sincerely not very good at what we do, and he doesn’t take constructive criticism well. He’s burned some bridges, and several people have spoken to him about his lack of professionalism. I hope I’m not coming across as really bitchy here, but I’ve dealt with a ton of people like him in my career, and I’m out of patience.

I was able to maintain a friendly relationship with him for a while, but he has slowly pushed me into the “this guy makes my skin crawl” territory. The first time I ran into him at a show without my SO he said “where’s so-and-so? I guess this means I can hit on you now!” I brushed it off as a bad joke at the time, but seriously he’s a grown-ass man who should know better than that at this point. There’s a lot of grey area in my industry, but it’s still my job and there’s so many layers of disrespect there.

Another time at a party I was catching up with an old friend of mine from out of town in the hallway, away from the action, where we very obviously wanted privacy. “Justin” waltzes over and cuts me off to say “I just have to interrupt, because your friend here is so beautiful.” Again, I chalked it up to bad game, but this time I said something about it. I tried to have a sincere conversation with him about how his actions make me and other women feel, and he got extremely defensive. He said he can’t help but hit on pretty girls all the time, because he’s “just a caveman” and that’s how he’s wired. There was no getting through to him.

I don’t want to write a novel here, but I’ve been trying to keep my distance from him for a while. I’ll say a polite hello when we run into each other, but I don’t engage him in conversation. I really don’t see a reason I should have to interact with him beyond that, but now it seems my coldness is pissing him off. For the past two weeks or so, he keeps trying to “have a chat” with me, but the way he’s going about it makes me uncomfortable. First, he cornered me at a show and tried to invite himself over to my apartment. He said “you’re free in the afternoons, right? I can just swing by.” Most recently, he chased me out of a show shouting my name and calling me rude. He frightens me, and the thought of having to say that to his face frightens me even more. Should I try sending him a message? What can I say that won’t just make things worse?

TL;DR: a colleague I dislike and feel unsafe around isn’t taking the hint that I want space. How do I enforce my boundaries?

[Update] A colleague (30ish M) that I (28F) dislike keeps trying to force an uncomfortable conversation with me. How do I navigate this?

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/7zom8g/update_a_colleague_30ish_m_that_i_28f_dislike/

link to original

I wanted to post a quick update because a lot of people here seemed as annoyed with this caveman as I am.

I got a ton of great advice (thank-you!), and I started practicing what I would say to his face the next time I ran into him. I also considered alerting the management at the club he chased me out of, but I didn’t have to do that. Apparently he brought it to the club himself and tried to rat me out for my “rudeness,” but it totally backfired.

One of the managers approached me a few days ago and said “Justin” told her about what happened. My stomach sank at first because I thought she was going to encourage me to talk to him, but she said just the opposite. Without even hearing my side she told him that I don’t have to talk to him if I don’t want to. She also said she won’t be booking us on the same shows anymore, and that the staff knows not to allow him into the building on nights I’m performing. She said she wants me to feel safe at the club, and she’s got my back. What a win for sisterhood!

After that, he tried reaching out to my SO who also shut him down and told him to leave us alone. I don’t know if he’s let it go at this point, but I’ve been making notes about everything like some people wisely suggested, and I’m feeling validated and supported.

TL;DR: creep tried to rat me out for being rude, and it blew up in his face.