I am not the original poster. This is a repost.

The original poster is u/Laker_girl06. Originally posted in r/weddingshaming.

Some light editing done for clarity.

Recently married. My SIL took my photographer at my reception for an hour and had him do HER ENGAGEMENT PICS!!

https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/di37hd/recently_married_my_sil_took_my_photographer_at/

So my husband and I got married in June. So very happy, beautiful wedding, and it was simple among today's standards... But was perfect for us. My husband and I saved up for over 3yrs for our wedding and reception. I had my bridesmaids come with me to choose their dresses bc i could not afford to buy them (and let's be honest... seldom does the "... and you'll be able to wear it again" apply). We paid for everything except bridesmaid dresses and groomsmen tuxedo rentals. We also asked my bridesmaids and his groomsmen to have the dresses and tuxedos as their wedding gift to us from them. We did not ask our parents to spend anything on our wedding, reception, etc. bc neither of us have come from families of means, and it meant more to us to not burden them when we were extremely happy with a simple, low cost (compared to many weddings of our generation) wedding. Even the bridesmaid dresses were $100 each, and I believe, beautiful.

I am not by nature a complainer, and I make a daily conscientious effort not to be (raised to always be grateful for the things you have and not focus on what you do not have). So while I'm new to reddit, i would like advice from you...bc I feel like asking those closer to the situation not only would put them in an uncomfortable situation, but may cause more strife.

Okay, that all being said, here is my situation/dilemma: After our wedding we had our reception... I did not realize until much later when we were to have photographs taken of the toasts, garter taken off, first dance, father and bride dance, etc. that we couldn't find the photographer we hired. Later, the photographer reappeared. My sister, (also my matron of honor) approached him and asked where he had been. He responded that that groom's sister (my now SIL) and her recent fiancé had requested him in another room of the venue. We finished our beautiful special day/ night and were sooo happy! My sister gave me a heads up about the convo between her and our photographer... but she didn't know why my husband's sister had asked him to go with her.

So after a couple of weeks we received our wedding proofs from the photographer. In the middle of the book was SEVERAL PICS of my SIL and her fiancé! So I proceeded to call our photographer and ask him about the many photos of them. He responded that my SIL and her (recently engaged) fiancé had requested he go with them to get separate pictures taken. When he suggested that he needed to stay at the reception, they lied to him and said MY HUSBAND AND I had told them it was our wish. I was sooo upset! First, we DEFINITELY did not know about this OR say it was fine with us. Secondly, it made the photographer that WE paid deposit, sitting fees, wedding ceremony, and reception for... NOT be there with us for the cake cutting, garter belt taken off by my husband, my father daughter dance, etc.

So, after contemplating and allowing time to calm down and reflect, I'M STILL REALLY UPSET. I did call my SIL. She seemed very comfortable with what she and her fiancé did. and what that was: having MY PHOTOGRAPHER take THEIR engagement pictures...at MY EXPENSE!!! And, in fact, was quite angry at ME for (at a minimum for my being upset), and for NOT BEING WILLING TO pay for their engagement pictures. I definitely do not want to start my newly married life having problems with his family. But I also know how long we worked to pay for our own special day. And to have my husband's sister take advantage, corner my photographer, and then expect that WE will pay for her engagement photos (bc I'm assuming she just wanted the proofs and to do Heaven knows what with). She thought... well you'll buy all of the proofs anyway... and said I was being selfish for being upset about her photos.

I realize this is a long post. But I'm hoping for some clarity. My family thinks it's all B.S.! His family is split, but most of his family feel like we should just "let it go". Esp for the good of everyone. Please help me out here. Am i being out of line? Should i just pay for their engagement photos and let it go?

Relevant Comments:

• Responders are split between making the SIL pay for the photos she wants and refusing to allow her to pay for/see the photos at all because they think SIL getting what she wants will set a bad precedent.
• I'm also upset about the amount of time and opportunities that were missed at our reception. I realize others may have captured them on their cell phones, but I'm a little embarrassed to ask if our guests have them. And admittedly upset that I hired this photographer to capture those moments... and she took those photo moments away... for her own selfish reasons. Is that awful?
• I am asking guests for any photos. I really would be heartbroken if there isn't any captured. Moments that can never be replaced.
  
• My SIL is very outspoken, while her fiance is very quiet and reserved. I just think she says what's what, and he does exactly what she says/ wants. She can be intimidating, esp since I am not one to speak without a filter. She has a very loud, cackling laugh, and she'll put anyone on blast in front of a room full of people. My husband once asked her if she got her tact out of a cracker Jack box, and she ran out of the room crying.
• She's always trying to get what she wants from people. I don't know how to explain it, but she has a way of always getting what she wants. And leaves you feeling dirty after she gets what she wants from you. Like you just got mugged or something. Does that make sense?

• My husband and I are going out to dinner with her Saturday night! I thought doing this in a public setting will help minimize that wrath that is about to come lol. I hope I'm still upright and breathing next week so I can give everyone an update!!

  UPDATE on SIL stealing our photographer during our reception to take her engagement pictures

https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/duyzq7/update_on_sil_stealing_our_photographer_during/

I am sorry! I have been trying to post, but I must make it too long bc it disappears.

So a couple of weeks ago my husband and I met with my SIL and her fiance for dinner. I wanted to meet in a public place to try and minimize the level of what may take place. The evening started out tense, but civil.

Eventually, I brought up the photos. She rolled her eyes and said, "You're not bringing that up again are you?" I told her i was. I began trying to explain how much what she did hurt me. And how hurt and sad I was that we missed having photographs taken off special, important moments and memories because of her actions. She scoffed at what I was saying and said, "Omg, get over it" Then my husband stood up and (angrily) said to her, "I am so sick and tired of you being such a Bitch!! to everyone! And as soon as anyone calls you out on your shit, you turn it around and make like YOU'RE the victim! It's sad that you can be so nasty"

He told me, "Come on let's go". I said I'd be right there (hoping I could salvage a little of this). She turned to me and yelled, "Are you satisfied? Look at what you've done. I hope you're happy! You're going to regret this!" I wanted to say something back, but I knew (from the lump in my throat) that if I stayed one second longer I would start crying (yes I'm a crier). I left as quickly as I could.

My husband had paid (for our meal) already. I cried all of the way home. We didn't talk about it, and haven't talked about it since. He did, however, get a check in the mail from her (I think it cleared?). With the holidays coming up, I'm at level 100 with anxiety. My husband doesn't want to go to his family's Thanksgiving, but I'm trying to change his mind. Because although she's not speaking to us, I don't want to miss our Thanksgiving with his family, or to make this whole thing bigger than it already is.

Relevant Comments:

• When asked if she was able to get any photos of the missed moments: YES! I forgot to include that in my update! I have received pictures from my family and friends.
• When getting advice that she should follow her husband's lead and not go to Thanksgiving with his family if he doesn't want to: Thank you! I'm just worried that if we don't go then she'll spin it in her favor (even more). I will talk to him further though. I just hate that this has happened. And that, although he doesnt talk about it, that he's hurting too.
• When asked if they let SIL have any proofs: We allowed her to pay for 2 proofs. We talked to the photographer and told him we weren't paying for any more of the pictures he took of them and to delete them. He argued a little, but ultimately agreed. I truly hope this does not happen to you. Please look at my original post where there's great advice! Especially about making sure it's discussed and in your contract with the photographer that they're not to take other photos at your wedding or reception without your verbal permission. Good luck!
• So are they going to Thanksgiving with his family?: We have decided that we will not be going to his family's Thanksgiving. We've been married 6 mos, and it's been stressful with this situation with his sister. Putting stressful holidays on top of that would be too much. Better to err on the side of caution :)