This is a repost. I am not the original poster.

The original poster is u/throwaway_exissues. Originally posted on r/relationships

My [29M] former FWB [25F] claims to be pregnant. Feel sick, don't know what to believe.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/70q1an/my_29m_former_fwb_25f_claims_to_be_pregnant_feel/

So, a long story ahead.

I met a girl 2 years ago while in Spain. I'm British, she's Russian. We started hooking up, it seemed like something short term, since we were both in Spain for just a few weeks.

Anyway, we ended up both living in Spain, albeit in different cities. We met up from time to time (maybe a few times a year over the last two years). On one occasion a year or so ago she told me that she loved me, then when I didn't reciprocate she acted like she hadn't really meant it. Perhaps it was selfish of me to continue seeing her casually after that, but I did on a few more occasions. There were a fee more signs that she had stronger feelings for me that I did for her, but she always subsequently acted like she was OK with our 'situation'.

Anyway, we last saw each other in mid-June. At the time she told me she was passing through with friends, though she's subsequently told me that was a lie and she came to my city just to see me.

I've since relocated to the UK, her to Russia.

We've communicated a little in this time, including 'getting busy' over Skype on a handful of occasions.

Earlier this week, she text me that she had something important to tell me and needed to talk. We had a video-call where she told me she'd been pregnant, but had an abortion. I felt a bit empty, but my gut instinct was that it was the right decision. I told her I needed some time to process it.

The next day, we spoke again, this time she was very judgmental about me being OK with the abortion - 'I can't believe you would agree with me killing our child', 'I feel so horrible about it' etc. I politely, but firmly, stated that I continued to feel she had made the right decision and left it there.

Finally, tonight she tells me that she didn't have any abortion and that she's 3-months pregnant with my child. Telling me about a non-existent abortion was like a test to see how I'd react. I've spoken to her enough about doctors and scans to believe that this time she is telling the truth, although of course I'll want some kind of confirmation that it's real and is mine (she says she's sure about that part).

I don't really know what to do now. My dad was never there for me (despite living only a few miles away) and I know I could never do that to my child under any circumstances. But beyond that - how do I get to know a child that lives in another country, how do I change my life to step up and be the person I need to be? I care for the girl, but I can't say that I love her. The thought of moving to Russia (I've never even visited) seems overwhelming, and my instinct is that I can't imagine doing it. But is not considering it a terrible thing? I feel like I don't know anything. Please send some advice.

tl;dr: Former FWB who lives in a different country says she's pregnant and keeping the kid. Don't know what to do. Advice please.

Relevant Comments:

• It's interesting seeing the common threads in the replies - you're right, the manipulation was unacceptable. I'll be sure to save our chat logs, thanks for the tip.
• Waiting until she gives birth to get a paternity test sounds like a horrible 5 months ahead for me, not knowing. I'm trying to look at pre-natal testing, but it's not so straightforward (options with risks, options that aren't necessarily 100 accurate).
• I think what's clouding my judgement is my experience with my own father and never wanting to do the wrong thing. Ultimately, I chose to have sex with her (we did use a condom, but I know that's no guarantee) and this situation is the consequence of that decision.

​

UPDATE: My [29M] former FWB [25F] claims to be pregnant. Feel sick, don't know what to believe.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9ti2nf/update_my_29m_former_fwb_25f_claims_to_be/

My original post was just over a year ago, and it's finally time for an update.

Original tl;dr: Former FWB who lives in a different country says she's pregnant and keeping the kid. Don't know what to do. Advice please.

At the time, lots of you saw many red flags that I didn't and you were pretty sure she wasn't actually pregnant. You were right, she wasn't! After telling her I'd only continue talking to her when there was a paternity test, she initially agreed. She then made up more stories about hospital visits, problems with the pregnancy and got angry that I wasn't being supportive. I held my ground and told her I wouldn't communicate further until the paternity test was done.

About a week later, she finally admitted it - it had all been a lie to get my attention. I sent her a message asking her to get help and never contact me again. Blocked her everywhere.

That was over a year ago, and I've had occasional messages (from other numbers) since then, either asking for forgiveness or getting angry with me for not offering forgiveness. I generally ignored them, though she did get in my head once by sending a message that she was so worried she'd damaged me and I replied telling her that I'd moved on and forgave her.

About 2 months ago, she text saying she was visiting the city I live in and wanted to meet up for a chat. I ignored it and blocked the number. Didn't think much of it.

Then, 1 month ago, while I was on holiday, the receptionist at my work sent me a text. Someone had enrolled in a course in the where I teach who was asking about me. 27-year-old Russian. Holy shit, it was her! I had to tell my manager the story and she agreed to me taking some extra holiday and working remotely to avoid any unpleasant situation.

I received a few texts from her, telling me she had enrolled in that school by coincidence (no chance) and finally one to 'congratulate me on avoiding my idea of hell'. Her course finished last week and I found out from some social media stalking that she's now in another city. I think (hope!) that's the end of the story.

Thanks for the help reddit.

tl;dr My ex wasn't pregnant. One year later she travelled to my city and enrolled in a course to try to see me. I managed to avoid her and it seems like it's finally over.

Relevant Comments:

• I actually did contact the police, but what had happened wasn't sufficient, especially as a lot of it hadn't happened in this country. I'll contact them again if anything else happens, but I'm fairly sure that's the end.
• I haven't responded to any texts for some time, I'm blocking new numbers and archiving the messages. I know about her visa situation, she is limited in how long she can stay here to 6 months, although of course she could apply for another. I'm hoping the fact that she came all this way without seeing me and that I clearly don't want to see her will be the final nail, but we'll see. As I said in another reply, I've already involved the police, although they weren't particularly helpful
• Don't want to defend myself, as I know my behaviour fell short. However, I absolutely did communicate that I didn't want any more from her than casual sex. She then told me that was what she wanted too. In truth, I knew that wasn't true but chose to continue seeing her anyway, which was poor judgement for sure.