This is not just a repost, but a transcription of a repost of a series of posts that no longer exist and were written by a redditor that is banned ^{(though it looks like he's stopped by to say 'hi' and hopefully will stay unbanned and stick around}).

The original posts are all imaged based, so I've transcribed the posts so as to not deal with uploading photos (yes, my laziness is such that typing things out is easier than figuring out how to get photos uploaded in order).

This was originally written by u/omegaweapon (aka Abs) on r/ChoosingBeggars. It (and other stories) are now available on the OOP's website: https://www.taint.net.au. He retells some of his stories on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCF0-fkWZUuRJS-ZNg_UpaUA

Two Weeks: Part 1

Bobby: Hi there, I was wondering what the turnaround time for a custom desk is. I need the height to be 700mm. Width enough to fit triple 24" monitors side by side. I'd like a keyboard sized area at the front slanted forward for ease of typing/gaming.

Abs: Hiya, I have a template for that exact design. Around 2 weeks before we can start it currently.

Bobby: Oh, can you do it sooner by any chance? I was referred by Mark the Great Man.

Abs: I'm sorry, 2 weeks from now is the best I can do at the moment. We're quite busy as Mark the Great Man stopped importing and rely on us now.

Bobby: Thank you. I'll inform Mark the Great Man that you weren't helpful at all and they'll pull the contract. How long now?

Abs: Still 2 weeks

Bobby: I will seriously notify Mark and I will advise him to not use you anymore if you can't do better than 2 weeks.

Abs: .....dos weeks.

Bobby: I'm not joking

Bobby: ??

Abs: Hold a second, I'm on the phone with Mark.

Bobby: You are not

Abs: He said 2 weeks

Abs: ??

Abs: He's calling you now

Abs: Hello?

Bobby: I can't believe you actually snitched to him. You don't even know my name?

Abs: I sad "some dude with (your number) is saying he wants to discuss pulling our mutually beneficial contract with Mark. Would you like to chat with him?"

Abs: Ok, look, I'll do you a favour since you're so nice

Bobby: So how long already?

Abs: I just re-checked my schedule

Bobby: And???

Bobby: Well????

Abs: Hang on just crunching some numbers

Bobby: If you say 2 weeks, I swear

Bobby: ????

Abs: I better not say anything then, I wouldn't want you to swear

Bobby: Just say it?? What the hell is wrong with you?

Bobby: Oh my god!!! How long does it take?

Bobby: Never mind..screw you

Abs: 3 weeks

Bobby: Fuck you

Two Weeks: Part Two

Section A: A Conversation with Mark the Great Man

Mark: Mate, I tried calling you. Preet is a little pissed and wants to know why you were being rude. I explained it was the other way around and it was his son making stupid demands. Can you forward me the chat log? I'm with him now.

Abs: Done and done. Make sure he reads the lot. He'll see I was polite but a little smart assey for obvious reasons.

Mark: Look, he apologizes for his kids behaviour. He has a party coming up next Friday. Can you sort him out as a favour?

Abs: Mark I'm sorry mate but I've got jobs on which have deadlines. The materials won't even arrive in time. Even if they did I really don't wanna work back to back 24 hour days.

Mark: Noted mate, I wouldn't either.

Section B: Back to Bobby

Bobby: Hi, I'm sorry about yesterday. I really need this, can you accommodate me please?

Abs: I'm sorry champ, I really can't. I've got jobs in progress by people who's money I have. I promised them a finish date and I can't dog them. 2 weeks to start then a day or 2 to build. Then there's shipping to Melbourne 2-3 days right there.

Bobby: Come on man please! My birthday is next Friday!

Abs: Dude. I don't have the parts. Even if I built it this weekend it won't get to you in time. Enough man.

Bobby: I don't want to play this card. Mark is the GM but I'm sure you know who my father is now?

Abs: Yes, Mark is indeed the Great Man. I can't imagine how hard it would've been growing up not knowing who your father is. I don't know who he is either.

Bobby: Get rekt!! I know who my father is!!! I'm asking asking if you know since he asked you to do a favour for him??? Mark asked you too!

Abs: Jesus Christ kid what are you 7?

Abs: Get rekt? Yesterday you told me to fuck off. You haven't unfucked off yet. Get rekt is the best you can do?

Bobby: Sorry sorry. Please I'm 19. I really need it please. ok? <thumbs up emoji> My dad gives you work you'll get much more!

Abs: Oh no kiddo. You didn't just go there. I give YOUR dad work. Take that thumb and stick it somewhere holy. We're done.

Bobby: No no no no no! I didn't meant it that way sir!!!

Bobby: Sir!!! sorry! look I'm sorry!

Abs: Really?

Bobby: Yes!!

Abs: Truly forever and ever?

Bobby: Yes! yes! I'm totally sorry!

Bobby: Ok????

Abs: ok

Bobby: So you'll do it?????

Bobby: sir?

Abs: yes, yes I will

Bobby: by next Friday?

Abs: this ones for u/Mennarch

Bobby: what?

Abs: sorry wrong message. Hey you know that shooter game that's popular with the kids?

Bobby: PUBG?

Bobby: PUBG??

Abs: No, no, no, the one with the stupid dances.

Bobby: Fortnite!

Abs: There ya go

Bobby: I don't get it!

Abs: <thumbs up emoji>

Bobby: Are you saying 2 weeks???

Abs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9v-33jcEDk4

Bobby: I'm not a fat lady! what is that? 2 weeks? fuck you!! fuck your stupid shit. I'll just go to Officeworks. shithead

Abs: I'm showing this to your dad and the Great Man Mark.

Fin

​

Previously Posted Abs Story:

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/qdjfq8/amber_the_10_chick/