As per the usual, I am not the original poster.

Posted in r/relationships 7 years ago by u/shockedfiancee.

I [29F] just found out that my fiance [30M] has been selling my panties behind my back

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2pelyg/i_29f_just_found_out_that_my_fiance_30m_has_been/

We have been engaged for 4 months and dating for 2 years. We decided to move in together about 3 months ago and everything has been going wonderfully. Throughout the last 3 months I have noticed my underwear going missing every now and then. I thought nothing of it because I probably have 50 pairs and I usually keep a pair or two in different bags/purses in case of monthly accidents. So sometimes I will be looking for that red lace thong, but can't find it so I just assume it is in a purse/bag. Or so that was my reasoning.

This morning I was looking for the matching panties to a bra I was wearing. I looked all over and could not find them. I asked my fiance to check the dryer in case they were in there. He chuckled and said he had sold them. I assumed he was kidding and laughed and asked him to look for me. He then goes "babe, I am serious." I could not believe what I was hearing. I was beyond upset and hurt. I pressed him for details and he said he has been selling my worn panties to random people from CL!! I packed a bag and went to my sister's house for the night. I feel sick to my stomach about this. We aren't even broke or strapped for cash. His reasoning was that he wanted to make extra money to get me a nice wedding band.

I need advice about what I should do. I am at a loss right now.

TL;DR: Fiance admitted he has been selling my panties behind my back.

Relevant Comments:

• The weird thing is that there have never been any red flags before. This just came up out of the blue. I am really tempted to cancel the wedding.
• He did apologize, but it was more of a "I am sorry, now here is my excuse for why I did it." Truthfully, I did not want to listen to him any more and immediately left.
• What bothers me is that he probably would not have admitted it if I had not pressed on. Usually I don't bother asking him if he has seen my underwear cause I figure he won't know.
• Now I am worried he might have posted pictures with the panties. Other Redditers have a point - most guys won't buy used panties from a guy. I have sent him several R rated pics throughout our relationship and now I fear he may have posted these too.

[UPDATE]-I [29F] just found out that my fiance [30M] has been selling my panties behind my back

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2pj5vf/updatei_29f_just_found_out_that_my_fiance_30m_has/

Original post

First and foremost, thanks to everyone's thoughtful advice and feedback. I went back to my place (with my sister) while he was at work. I packed up the majority of my things and brought them back to my sister's place. Once he got off work, I phoned him (I felt that this was the easiest method of communication) and told him to tell me exactly what he had done. Here are the main key points:

• He has been selling my used panties for the last 3 months.
• In addition to this, he has also posted semi-nude/sexually suggestive pictures of myself that I had sent him. He had sold the underwear that I had on in the pictures. He said he only posted the pictures to the buyers to "prove" to them that it really was worn by me.
• He said he told the buyers that I was 100% consenting (he pretended to be me in the emails) and when he met up in person to sell them, he would tell the men that I was too afraid of coming on my own, and that I asked him to go deliver them.
• He has sold about 20 pairs of underwear. I have a LOT of underwear, and I frequently purchase new pairs. This is why I didn't really notice such a huge amount going missing. Especially since I usually keep a few pairs in gym bags etc.
• He admitted to have made $900 through this. He said he sells them for about $40 pair/give or take.
• He initially told me he wanted a bit of extra cash in order to customize my wedding band. When I pressed him on, he admitted he got a bit of a "thrill" by selling my panties and knowing other men found me sexually attractive/got aroused by my underwear.
• He apologized profusely and tried to compare it to selling my used designer shoes or purse. I completely disagree with this, because there is a sexual motivation for these men buying them. I feel sexually exploited and taken advantage of.
• I have decided to break off the engagement and I am done with this relationship. This entire incident took me by surprise and I never suspected he would do something like this.
• I will hopefully break the news to my family this weekend (with the support of my sister). He is still trying to convince me to go to couples therapy with him and wants to salvage our relationship. But I am honestly done with him at this point.

TL;DR: Confronted ex-fiance about him selling my underwear. He admitted to much more.

EDIT: So the topic of the money has come up. He did not offer to pay me back and some users are suggesting I demand the money, while others say it's a bad move to take it. Thoughts??

More relevant comments:

• My sister went ahead and reported his email address. She found the ad (I felt too sick to look at it) but she verified that there were a few pictures posted and it was written by "me" (ie. him pretending to be me). The ad also suggested sexual things like "I get so horny when I think of all the guys who will be jerking off into my panties."
• I will definitely document everything. I also think I will seek some type of legal advice. I fear that if I out the reason for breaking off the engagement, he might retaliate by distributing my pictures.