Originally posted by u/difficultpath on r/legaladvice

I had to use rareddit to piece this together. Started nearly 3 years ago.

My brother hacked into everything and is trying to control my life.

https://reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9bfo4r/my_brother_hacked_into_everything_and_is_trying/

I'm in my second year of undergrad at a state university in California and I'm having an issue with my brother, who in his late twenties and a computer engineer (this is relevant to my issue). As a sidenote I know very little about computers other than basic googling skills.

My brother is a very type-A person. Very perfectionist and hardworking, often to the detriment of himself and others. He is a nice and positive person and is successful in the traditional sense, but he is very controlling and has a bit of an overblown ego. I'm a much more relaxed person and the two of us share very little in the way of interests or guiding philosophies. I'm a visual arts major who likes to draw and he's the type of person who watched Fight Club and thought that Tyler Durden was onto something. We get along but have hostilities.

My brother resents the fact that I am not like him and that I don't look up to him as a role-model. He is very fond of mocking my interests/hobbies/career plans and he often talks literally about a "plan" for me in which I change my major to engineering and start taking his advice. When he brings this up now over the phone I stop talking to him for whatever amount of days/weeks until he apologizes and we do it all over again.

Two weeks ago, my brother made a joke referencing a piece of digital art I drew on my laptop. I didn't think anything of it until I realized after the call ended that I never posted that piece of art anywhere, not even onto any cloud service-- it had only been available on my physical laptop.

I was nervous and downloaded Malwarebytes but it didn't find anything. Thinking back I also recalled my brother making a joke about something I said to a friend privately on my Discord, which also was not publicly available. Checking Gmail and a few other websites I'm on that showed options I discovered someone had been logging into my accounts from an unfamiliar computer and had then been doing so for about a week.

I called my brother about this and he laughed and told me that he had remote access to my computer and that he'd be "checking" up on everything I was doing from this point on. I told him that that was ridiculous and he basically laughed and said that people today have no reasonable expectation of privacy anyway.

Without going into detail I've basically discovered that my brother literally has access to everything in my life. My bank account, school account, my art/chat accounts, all the files on my computer. He has even referenced information that leads me to think there is a very good chance of him having a camera/microphone in my room (he has been in my apartment in the last month and the only reason I think he might not is because I haven't been able to find it.)

There is nothing on my computer or Cloud files or anything I'm even remotely embarrassed about. But the idea that my brother has all my information is terrible and I want him to stop. I don't feel comfortable in my apartment or using my computer/personal accounts anymore. I'm writing this from my school's library.

Is there a way to clearly show him that this is wrong with an amount of force and guarantee my privacy in the future WITHOUT getting him in serious trouble? My brother is an idiot and I'm pissed at him for this (especially in the way where he acts like it's a joke or that he's doing it to "mentor" me, which he keeps saying, like he has called me knowing my class schedule which I never told him and reminded me to go to classes/etc) but I don't want his life should be ruined over this even if he is an asshole. He has also "joked" about dropping my classes which I got really pissed at and he assured me it was a joke but I still feel uncomfortable that he'd even hint at that.

Thanks.

Update 1 My brother hacked into everything and is trying to control my life.

https://reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9bveru/update_my_brother_hacked_into_everything_and_is/

Without going into a lot of detail, based on some of the stuff I read on here and a conversation with a friend, I realized that the way I viewed the relationship with my brother was incredibly messed up and I decided to act more seriously about this. I was thinking about how to proceed last night while cleaning, and then I actually found a camera. I know I said I thought there was one before but I don't think I really consciously did. It was in my bathroom.

I have gone to the police station and for now have an injunction against my brother. I also reported the computer hacking along with texts and a phone message he sent where he both alludes to and directly confirms it, so.

I don't know what'll happen but I feel a lot better having taken this right. I appreciate the comments people sent it helped a lot.

Thanks.

Update 2 My brother hacked into everything and is trying to control my life.

https://reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9e6in5/update_update_my_brother_hacked_into_everything/

Without exaggeration, this was probably the of the worst of my life.

After getting served the injunction/temporary restraining order thing, my brother 1. told my parents and 2. chose to immediately violate it. He left me several messages that essentially was low key threatening to ruin my life and I was scared so I reported it. He was taken to jail and to my current understanding is going to get a type of misdemeanor charge for it if he already hasn't. I don't know if he's in jail right now.

I knew my parents were going to take his side but they have effectively disowned me for this. My parents are very religious conservative catholics (i'm not religious anymore but they don't know that) and they were very upset by me reporting it. That's an understatement. I have enough scholarships where I will be able to continue paying for my living expenses/school with my part time job but they way they treated me was horrible. They're very upset because this'll probably screw up his college according to the talks we've had. They said I'm disgusting/not welcome home etc. My dad sent me a video of him and my mom burning most of the belongings i left at his house (not much important to me but still). they don't believe me about the camera and my dad said he specifically didnt care even if it was there. just screaming the entire time, i stopped answering my phone and checking my email because it terrifies me. I bought a new cheap computer because even though someone helped me wipe it clean, I'm honestly too scared of using the old one at this point.

I haven't left my room in a week. the worst of it is over i think but i feel like i felt in a pit. I can't stop crying

Update 3 My brother hacked into everything and is trying to control my life.

https://reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9ncv9e/update_update_3_my_brother_hacked_into_everything/

I'm having some new problems since my last update and I'm unsure how to handle them. i'd like to say things have been good but they haven't. I had to stop school this semester because I've become extremely depressed and couldn't handle the workload of both school/work and some personal things I'm focused on related to my sexual orientation. Planning on going back next semester. Really can't focus on anything past work and my life feels very empty rn. Need to leave the house more haha and talk to someone who isn't a customer.

My brother is still in police custody and still in the process of getting convicted, which apparently takes much longer than i'd thought. My parents and a few random people their age who I think they have recruited for this have been continually harassing me through various electronic means/random phone numbers (they do *67 or something) and spreading false rumors about me and I was too depressed to deal with it properly with another restraining order /other thing so it's just been easier to ignore.

My main problem at the moment is that I'm trying to get a new job but I can't because I need my SSN. When I broke off with my parents and this happened I had some of my important documents with me but not the ones that college students won't use on a daily basis (passport, ssn, birth certificate). I'm embarrassed but I don't have it memorized, the last time I needed it my parents sent me a picture (before all this happened) but I no longer have that in my texts.

I called my parents to send them to me and tried to make it sound like I'd call the police if they didn't and my father implied that he either burned them or would never give them to me. He didn't (visibly) burn them in the video he sent but I don't know if that was everything. I have trouble talking to him right now and I couldn't maintain it. I tried calling his parish leader who I know and he told me he'd talk to my parents about not giving me the info/harassing me but it hasn't done anything if he did surprise surprise.

The only documents I have to prove id are my permit and my school id (which is useless in this scenario). I need more documents if I want to get a new SSN card. I'm also scared of my parents having this information because I think they might try to mess with my life. I'm afraid that if I call the police my dad will just claim that he never had it and burn it/hide it forever and then I'm screwed without any way to fully prove my current identity to get new documents.

Also I want to change my name and I'd appreciate if anyone knows the best way to go about doing that or if it'd be too much of a pain right now. Not that big of a deal and honestly still lazy but would make me feel better if it's not a big thing.

Thank you very much the people here have been very helpful to me at a point in my life when I don't really have anyone to talk to or give me advice in regards to these types of legal issues.

Update 4 My brother hacked into everything and is trying to control my life.

https://reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ac4exo/3679_update_update_4_my_brother_hacked_into/

I just want to make this post because i think it's good to make a point about how the world actually works and i don't like leaving things under the false impression that everything ended up being okay.

The last five months of 2018 were the worst months of my life because of everything that happened with my brother and me being disowned by my family, my family's friends, and many other people who I thought I knew/respected.

I ended up getting my documents back without too much trouble but after that everything has been a loss. My brother was not really punished in any substantive way. My parents have endeavored to protect him and he basically got something on the level of probation no jail time. He was fired but has been hired again with a much better job with a small private company because (I'm told) of a connection with a colleague. He (or my parents but I think him for various reasons) had various people call me up from unlisted numbers with vaguely threatening messages calling me a whore or just breathing on the phone until I had to get a new number. Rumors have been spread about me to the point where I don't feel comfortable even talking to nice people I knew because I'm afraid they'll judge me based off things they've seen that aren't true. I still am not going to be able to go back to college this semester because of personal and financial reasons and I basically have lost all my friends due to either personal insecurity, severe depression, or the rumors. I don't leave my house outside of work and I'm not taking care of myself in the way I should. Very grossly thin and pale (working on getting better though) and i've been having very terrible dreams about going to hell and burning alive forever which are driving me crazy. I'm not going to do anything dramatic but mentally I'm not where I need to be.

I'm not trying to make this a pity party, and I acknowledge that I'm a big part of the reason this happened (in the sense that I'm not handling it in the most productive way), and I'm not asking for help (I have a shitty job that allows me to stay alive fine, just having trouble getting to school, which I think I'll be able to start again this summer) but I want to emphasize how fucked up the whole system is. This is the second time in my life I've been put in this position and my first time as an adult and someone trying to report it and either way I have been screwed, lied to, and watched the person who ruined my life get away and live happier ever after.

Nobody cares about people who get violated and I understand why they don't come out and report. It's all rigged.

My brother, his girlfriend and my parents are almost two week long Hawaiian cruise right now smiling and laughing and i'm in my apartment still unable to sleep right because of all this. Happy new year enjoy your cruise hahaha what a cool picture of water slide XD!

Again, thanks to this community at the least. It was a big help in the early stages when I needed to get my thoughts together, and I really appreciated it. I hope everyone who was cool about it gets the type of life they deserve. Really thank you.

Update 5 My brother hacked into everything and is trying to control my life

https://reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/bqmdiv/update_update_5_my_brother_hacked_into_everything/

I moved to another state now. For the purposes of the final update it doesn't matter.

Things have settled for me as of four weeks ago and I remembered a lot of people sending me messages and PMs so I thought I would give a final update.

Life isn't good in the sense that everything is perfect, i 100% absolutely DO NOT believe in "karma" or that good things happen to people who do good and versa with evil people but things ended up working that way in this scenario after all the shit.

Long story short is three months ago my brother was diagnosed with a terminal illness and he died about two months later this april. We don't have a family history with this and i found out about it more than a month after his diagnosis. Did not see him after his death and whatever campaign he had to bug me with his buddies just stopped all of a sudden when he found out about it, so I guess he lost interest once he found out he didn't have much time. i don't know many details because i'm not involved and I obviously didn't try to be but he's dead.

I'm glad. Felt bad about it for a day or two and then just thought, no, really done with it. the universe threw me one fucking freebie and i'm going to appreciate it. I honestly feel freer and happy and I hope he died in as much pain as could be expected.

My life is 'good' right now. The past nine months have been some of the worst times of my life but things have settled into almost niceness. Uni is postponed at the moment and maybe forever but i've found a good job i like in a much cheaper state that i like more and don't have to work at a lot. i have plenty of free time now and i'm having fun with it instead of sitting in misery. Started drawing again and reading incredibly depressing online superhero novels. Also pushing myself to make new friends and going to look into therapy soon, feeling alive again. Taking care of my health again and am not undereating anymore.

Parents have reached out twice and i ignored them. Planning to do again and forever. I hope they rot and i don't feel bad about it anymore, sick of feeling guilty, sick of feeling sick. They're the fucked up people, not me. All i want to do now is hear about whenever they go and join my brother.

I don't want to say 'my brother suddenly got cancer and died and that fixed everything and i'm happy now' because that isn't true but he died and i'm glad about it and yes it did make me feel happy and i'm finding it much easier to be happy now. i wish i could say I didn't need luck to fix my problems but whatever.

Thanks for everyone who sent me messages and offered me types of help even if i didn't take it. I had four onetime conversations with four people and that meant a lot to me.

Hope only nice things happen to you guys. Thanks again.