Originally by u/thisgirlisonawire.

Some really great advice from the OP's dad at the end.

original post: https://reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4z9cgn/i_26f_opened_my_husbands_32m_snapchat_and_it_was/?ref=search_posts

I [26f] opened my husband's [32m] snapchat and it was a very explicit picture and caption from a girl. He's sitting not 20 feet from me & I don't know how to handle this.

Well, title kind of says it all. Throwaway because my husband is active on Reddit. He's probably on it now.

Here goes: I've been with my husband for 5 years, married for 1.5. I've never once doubted his fidelity. He's great. Super smart, funny, handsome, and, I thought, loyal. He's never given me reason to doubt him or be suspicious.

I thought it was kind of odd when he downloaded snapchat; he's not big on social media. I have one, but I'm not very active. We rarely snap each other. He said his friends were really active and he liked it better than Facebook, so. As I said, I've never had any reason not to trust him. So I thought nothing of it.

This morning, my husband was in the shower and left his phone on my nightstand. I was half-asleep when his phone started chirping and woke me up. We both have the same phone and ringtone for text messages. Not knowing that he had put his phone on my nightstand for whatever reason, I thought it was my phone in my half-asleep state. Despite his black phone case (mine is green), I didn't even notice and I looked at who had texted. It said "Mom". Okay, my mom texted me, I can ignore that until I'm actually awake. But under that was a Snapchat notification. A snap from someone named "Roxy". I was like who the f is Roxy and why is she snap chatting me? I opened it and bam- it's a picture of a pussy. And not the meowing kind with four legs and a tail. The caption said "I want your tongue inside me again".

Now. I immediately thought it was a mistake. But I was alert now after being awoken by a vulva. I pretty quickly realized that this was my husband's phone. I felt like I was going to crap the bed and started to sweat. I looked at his contacts on snapchat and she has a yellow heart next to her name. I looked up wtf that means and it means they are "best friends". WTF.

I feel like I'm going to be sick. I didn't do any other snooping because honestly, I know what I'll find. I just don't understand how he could do this. We're happy. I thought we were happy. We have sex at least four times a week.

Here's the real kicker, Reddit. I'm almost 12 weeks pregnant with our first child.

He's sitting in the recliner about 20 feet from me and I just can't find the words to confront him. How do I say what I need to say?? There is no way I am somehow overreacting or misreading this situation, is there? I'm heartbroken and don't know what to do.

tl;dr Accidentally opened my husband's snapchat only to be greeted with a snap of some girl's vagina. I'm nearly 12 weeks pregnant and just can't wrap my head around this. Don't know how to handle this or confront him.

Update: First and foremost, thank you all for your love and support. I feel it from here. Honestly, thank you- it's amazing to me that strangers care so much about my baby & me. Love back to all of you. So, husband knows something is up. I don't know if he saw that I opened a snapchat from Roxy and is afraid of what I saw and afraid to bring it up or if he's clueless and can just tell I'm upset about something. He's been asking me if I'm okay or if something is wrong about every hour. I told him my sister was having a hard time today (ironically, she just broke up with her boyfriend. Why? He cheated.) and I was going to go over to her place for dinner (I live in pacific time zone) and to spend the night with her. I'm here now. My sister is 20 and a whiz at the social media thing. She "stalked" his Facebook to see if this Roxy person popped up anywhere. She looked through his friend's friends. Bingo, we found her. Well, at least pretty sure. I didn't see her face in the snapchat. The screen was too full of her crotch. She's Facebook friends with my husband's good friend. She is listed as a receptionist at my husband's friend's law firm. My husband works a couple blocks from the law firm and he stops by often to grab lunch with his friend. That would explain how they met. Still formulating a plan on confrontation, trying to get as much information as possible first. My sister wants to burn his life to the ground, and honestly I do too, but I'm going to address this in the most adult way possible so that I can walk away from him with my head held high and be a deserving role model to my baby girl (not sure it's a girl, just a feeling). Good news? My uncle is a lawyer. Most of what he deals with are divorces. I've already contacted him and asked if we could discuss some potential legal issues (didn't specify what yet, feels like something I should do in person during our meeting). I told him it was urgent; we are meeting tomorrow morning. I will try to update as much as I can and from the bottom of my heart, thank you all again, Internet strangers!

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UPDATE: I [26f] opened my husband's [32m] snapchat and it was a very explicit picture and caption from a girl. He's sitting not 20 feet from me & I don't know how to handle this.

Link to original post: https://m.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4z9cgn/i_26f_opened_my_husbands_32m_snapchat_and_it_was/?ref=search_posts

Again, I am overwhelmed by the support and love I've received from everyone. It feels great to be comforted and cheered on by you all. Thank you so much.

So, husband cheated. He has been since "maybe two weeks before last Christmas", according to him.

I was very calm when confronting him and took the advice many of you gave me by telling him that he needs to explain to me who Roxy is and why she is his "best friend" on Snapchat. His face gave him away immediately but he still tried to lie to me at first.

He said that she works with his friend and they met when his friend invited her out to lunch with the two of them. At first, he claimed he only met her about two months ago. He said that they're "best friends" because he doesn't receive many snapchats from others and she is extremely active on the app. He said she just sends randoms and is really into fitness, so she sends a lot of "inspirational" snaps on being healthy and living a better life. He said that every once in a while, he'll send her something back, like a picture of a cheeseburger or something just to tease her about her level of health-consciousness.

First, I asked why he didn't just tell me about her. He said he didn't even think about it because she's just an acquaintance, not even a friend. Then I asked if he'd ever received anything even remotely inappropriate from her.

He answered with, "Not on purpose". I'm assuming he went with that because he knew I opened that snapchat and he probably knew it was a bad one.

I asked what "Not on purpose" means. He got very defensive. Started raising his voice and saying he doesn't need to explain what that means, that sometimes people accidentally send the wrong snapchats to the wrong people. Then he had the nerve to say something along the lines of, "I feel like I'm on trial here. People warned me that you'd get crazy when you're pregnant but I never thought it'd be this bad."

Now. As some of you mentioned in my last post, it seems amazing that I'm able to keep such a level-head. That is because I was raised by a mother who always told me that you never accomplish anything with anger. That you can be emotional, passionate, upset, etc. without ever raising your voice. Messages received quietly and concisely are just as loud and clear as messages received through yelling and screaming. That is how I have lived my life for 26 years, with the exception of just a few blow ups (I am human).

This moment was an exception. I didn't exactly yell and scream, but I became furious. For him to try to blame this on me being pregnant? How unoriginal and offensive. Long story short, he said he'd never seen me this crazy and I told him that I'd never seen a picture of another girl's pussy on my husband's snapchat before. He came back with that I shouldn't have looked at his snapchat. I came back with that it was an accident but even if it hadn't been, there shouldn't be any reason he's receiving snapchats like that for me to see- accidentally or not- in the first place. I told him that I may be pregnant but I'm also an intelligent person and I am his wife, so I knew he was lying and I deserved to know the truth. I asked if I could see his text messages to see if he's been texting Roxy. He said sure. No messages. Then I asked to see his Facebook messages. He looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He told me no. I asked why.

He finally broke and started to cry. Told me he couldn't let me see the messages because they would hurt me. Because they were inappropriate.

Then it all came out. They screwed in the backseat of her car the first night they met.

This is already long so I'll spare you all the details. But it's been an ongoing affair for months. No, they did not always use protection. Although I was recently screened for STIs, I'll be getting checked again in light of this information.

My uncle already assured me that if he was unfaithful, we would cream him in court. Really the only thing I'm willing to fight him tooth & nail for is our home; I put a lot of effort and money into making this home my dream space. I won't be seeking spousal support but I will seek child support.

I'm obviously heartbroken and told him to go stay in a hotel or with Roxy for all I cared (I confronted him last night). My mom & sister stayed with me last night and let me sob all over them for hours. Right now I'm sort of numb but I'm also thinking very clearly. I know what my next 10 moves are and I feel supported and secure in my decision to leave him and keep my baby.

A few things I just wanted to clarify: My husband is not a lawyer; his good friend is. There was some concern for my success in court if my husband is a lawyer. His friend is in environmental law so, while I'm sure he can provide some advice, he will not be my husband's divorce lawyer.

There were suggestions of me terminating my pregnancy. I fully support the right to choose and I would probably terminate the pregnancy if I was in a different financial position and lacked a support system. However, I work as a marketing manager for a large company. Not only does this allow me the privilege of working from home about 50% of the time, but it also grants me financial independence. I do not rely on my husband for money and I really never have. He works in tech so, while he makes a good salary, I will have no need for spousal support. I have a phenomenal support system; this baby will be loved so dearly by so many. Yes, I will have to deal with my husband for the rest of my life if I have this child and it will make future relationships for me more difficult, but it is worth it. I've wanted this baby since day one and I am her mother, which means that I am strong enough to raise her alone because I have to be strong enough.

Here's to hoping for a speedy divorce. I'm ready to be done with this marriage. Which is crazy because just a few days ago I thought my life was as close to perfect as you could get.

tl;dr Husband admitted to an affair. I will be proceeding with a divorce and will keep our baby. I'm numb but calm and feeling good about my decisions and how I handled the situation. I know there is a long road ahead of me and this will all probably really hit me soon. When it does, I'll mourn and grieve the end of what I had thought was a happy union. Right now I'm in self-preservation mode and much more focused on how to come out of this in the best position possible. Thank you so much for all the advice and support, Reddit!

Edit: Formatting

UPDATE: I know it has been only a short time since I posted this update but I need to tell you all how amazing all of you are. Wow, this much support is just... wow. I wish I could reply to all of your comments and messages but because of the volume, I'm just going to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and every one of you who read my posts, who commented, thought of me, wished my baby & me the best, messaged me, and anything else. I am currently at my parent's condo, sitting outside at their pool, sunbathing my little baby bump and reading each and every one of your amazing and empowering comments. I just want you all to have that image; that you have made me happy and content in a time when I am short on both. This is proof that love does exist, even if it doesn't within my, now over, relationship. And that is a powerful thing.

Love to you all.

Me again: I was going to post more details on what happened during the confrontation with my husband, etc., but then I decided against it. I should keep some details private; it's likely my husband has seen this post.

I will leave you with this:

My dad and I were up late talking last night and, as usual, he had the perfect thing to say to me. He told me that weak people are afraid of strong people. He told me to keep on terrifying the weak ones. That way, the only people who won't fear you are the bravest, strongest of people and those are the people who are worthy of you.

Then he said my husband is a spineless turd who couldn't kick it with the strongest woman in the world.

Just thought I'd leave you with that and encourage everyone to "be terrifying" by being strong and not standing for nonsense.

This is the last I will post on the matter. I have a lot ahead of me with everything and will probably go quiet on Reddit for a while. Time to get ready for court and to "be terrifying". :)

Thank you, thank you, thank you again. Love to all of you and best wishes.

Love,

-T