I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Ok_Arm_3826. They posted in r/AITAH

Thank you to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the rec! I also changed the names from the ones OOP used for clarity. (They were originally Jay and Kay and I found myself getting confused)

Mood Spoiler: messy

Original Post: April 15, 2024

My older sister: Kay (f32)

My younger sister: Jess (f28)

My younger sister’s fiancé: Matt(m32)

Kay and Matt met at work about 2,5-3 years ago. He was hired in as a consultant at her company on a few months assignment. They became close but nothing happened because they probably didn’t think it was professional. I think both (or I know that my sister at least) was hoping that it would develop to something more when his assignment was completed. Kay is a very shy and private person but even with that she couldn’t stop talking about Matt to Jess and me. When she turned 30, we encouraged her to invite him too with the rest of her close friends from work. She was very hesitant and panicked at first but then she thought yeah why not, his assignment was almost done anyway.

Matt and Jess met at that party. Six months later Jess told us that she and Matt are a couple. This devastated Kay and I knew that even if she held herself together and pretended to be happy for them. I almost made her confess her heartbreak to me because I couldn’t just let her hurt alone without any support. Kay said That after her birthday Matt changed towards her and was even a bit angry. Then when he left he stopped talking to her all together. Kay said that she probably misinterpreted his interest in her. I know that she is still heartbroken about it. Matt was assigned with her company some more times again and it was awkward at first but eventually they were friends again. Now he is a part of the family. Kay never showed that she’s hurt.

Now I found out that Jess told Matt that Kay had a bf at that birthday party. Matt is very handsome and lovely and Jess basically wanted him. Matt was shocked at first because he was hoping for something more but he probably just thought that he too misinterpreted my Kay’s interest in him. He is very shy too. After the party he probably decided to cut his losses and not pursue Kay. Jess however kept contacting him. Asking him out. Be supportive. First he refused but then they started dating. How do I know all that? Jess’s roommate spilled the beans to me thinking I knew everything (I am closer to Jess than Kay). Matt has now proposed to Jess.

I feel sick because I want to tell Matt what happened so he makes an informed decision. Marriage is not a game. At the same time, he and Jess seem to be perfect for each other and the love is genuine. Maybe he was interested in Kay yes, but obviously it wasn’t that deep? Also Kay? I want to tell her but she seems okay with the relationship too. She made it clear that Matt and Jess obviously meant to be or it wouldn’t have happened. But I want to tell.

Would I be the AH if I told everyone what happened?

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: Wow - sister is ... something. She certainly didn't consider anyone else when she made her decisions back then. I would probably say something so he can make an informed decision, but be prepared for the backlash.

OOP: The thing is, Jess and Matt are great together. He and kay are so much alike, yes . Both shy and introverted and very calm. But Jess is a social butterfly and he has even said that she has taken him out of his shell. So I don’t know.

My only thought is, I would have wanted to know. But if I tell, I am ready for the backlash

Commenter: Jess is an AH and I would want to know too, but don’t you think this should be Kay’s choice since it’s about her and Jess? You choosing to do this without consulting Kay, or at the very least confronting Jess and having HER tell him, would make you TA. Sure, you think he should know - letting Jess tell him gives them the best chance of working through it.

OOP: I thought about that actually but still Kay and Matt are two separate issues. Even if Kay forgives Jess (almost sure she would), Matt still needs to decide his life for himself. Not Jess nor Kay

On if OOP is doing this so Kay and Matt get together?

"There’s 0 chance that Matt and Kay would be together and that is not the point either. I want my big sister’s heart to heal and Matt to make an informed decision"

"I meant now after this. There’s 0 chance that Matt and Kay end up together. Before the birthday? Definitely. I think they were crazy about each other"

More info on what Matt was told:

She knows that Kay is hurting and she never said why. I don’t know either how she explained it once he probably realized that Kay didn’t have a bf.

What else has Jess done to Kay/what else has she stolen?

A bf when we were younger. Jess was 15 at the time so obviously the blame lied with the guy who was 20. It was grooming and nobody put the blame on Jess but yeah she got together with Kay’s first bf.

Is Jess the golden child?

Not at all our parents love us all equally and if anything Kay is the first born and probably mom’s favorite. I don’t know why Jess did this. She’s always been a bit obsessed with Kay

How do you think Matt will react?

They love each other very well so maybe it would just be a test of their love. If it doesn’t survive then I will know for sure that I did the right thing anyway because he has the right to make informed decisions

You're just trying to cause drama and actively harm them:

If the feelings are concrete then nothing I will have to say would matter so what are you worried about?

Let Jess know first so she can tell them:

I can try but she would probably refuse or twist the truth

What good would this do anyway?

what to you mean why? I already answered. I WOULD WANT TO KNOW HOW THE MARRIAGE I AM HEADED TOWARDS HAS STARTED

It seriously never came up that Kay had a crush on Matt?

No it has never come up. Besides me and Jess and probably some very close friends, nobody knows what’s in Kay’s heart and we only know because we know her well and we can tell and not because she tells us. After Matt disappeared from her life she made sure never to talk about him again. When he came back as Jess's bf she just acted happy for them.

I don’t think they were talking about being together either but they both just hoped something would happen. I think when Matt “found out” that Kay had a bf, he probably thought that he imagined things that weren’t there about her being interested. Same for Kay, she probably thought that she imagined him liking her and was mistaken.

Jess is very protective of Matt too, she had very hard time accepting him working with Kay again and she tried everything to make him find new jobs. Now I know why, we all just thought she wanted him to advance in his career because she is very ambitious. But he always said he loved his job. Then when it was a fact that he and Kay were friends again, she made sure that she’s always close by.

Kay is very private and professional. I doubt she discusses her dating life with Matt even if they’re close at work

There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but comments were pretty heavily mixed. Top ones seemed to be NTA.

Update Post: April 20, 2024

So yesterday I did it. I know many here advised me to keep out of it but I chose to go with my guts. Honestly I have been very angry with Jess and basically I thought it was time that she learned the consequences of her actions. If her and Matt’s relationship is strong and real then nothing would come between them. If it isn’t, then I did the right thing. Most importantly I did right by Kay.

I used the opportunity that I introduced my gf to my family yesterday. Mom teased Kay about being “the only one left”. I asked loudly I can’t believe that it had been 4 years since Kay had a bf. Since her ex went home and pandemic hit so he couldn’t fly back so he announced his engagement to another woman on fb and that’s how Kay knew it was over between them. Jess was very nervous and wanted to change the subject but Matt was shocked over how someone would do this to their gf. I don’t think he really did the math at first and he didn’t react. I was annoyed tbh.

So I insisted, “Yeah when she introduced you at her 30th party I really thought she had a crush on you because she never shut up about you but a few months later you and Jess got together”. I said that it was confusing and surely not only for me but the rest of the family but then again Jess has done this before and stole Kay’s first bf. This was followed by the loudest silence. I knew I went too far this time but I couldn’t control my anger towards Jess and I wasn’t going to sit there and hope Matt would connect the dots himself.

Everyone was very silent and Jess was looking daggers at me. Matt didn’t say anything and Kay was angry too and said that it was long time ago. Matt and Jess left shortly afterwards and Kay asked me why I would embarrass her. I told her that Jess had lied to Matt about her having a bf at her birthday party two years ago and that’s why Matt ghosted her because he thought she (Kay) was playing him. Kay was shocked so she didn’t know as I expected. Mom was shocked too.

This morning Kay called. She wanted to know more. She told me that she was very heartbroken for the longest time and confused to why Matt ghosted her but now she knows at least even though she had hoped that he liked her a bit more to talk to her before ghosting her. I said that I believe she deserved better than him and she laughed and agreed. Now I know that I have made the right decision at least by my sister which is the most important thing to me right now.

Haven’t heard from Matt or Jess so I don’t know if they’ll stay together or not. All I know was that they were supposed to be on a weekend mini trip to see a venue on the coast and this trip was canceled because Jess usually shares on her stories and they haven’t left town this weekend. I feel saddened of course but not sure if I feel guilty. Maybe it will hit me later. I don’t know.

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: Matt's not the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to relationships. You had to bust out the crayons to get your point across. Now he has to take some time to process what happened. Then he probably has to take time to consider how else she has manipulated him. All while she is probably trying to manipulate the situation. It used to be easy for her but maybe the blinders are off now. All best done before marriage.

OOP: I don’t think he thought about it or even remembered that Kay was supposed to have had a bf when he met Jess. He seems smart otherwise

Commenter: If you're going to blow up the situation, you shouldn't have beaten around the bush. "Jess lied to you about Kay having a boyfriend because she had the hots for you, but knew you and Kay had the hots for each other."

OOP: He probably knows now anyway without me confessing that I knew the truth

OOP (different comment): He probably figured it out by now. Honestly, after my talk to Kay, I think I accomplished my goal. It was to let Kay know and understand that she is not less than

Commenter: I think you did the right thing. I'm so glad you have Kay's back, and I hope Kay has yours as well! Wishing you both the best going forward.

OOP: Yeah she has my back since she promised not to reveal that I did all those on purpose. So long it is just an innocent comment

Mini Update in Comments: April 24, 2024 (4 days later)

Yes. Matt broke up with Jess and Jess is angry with me but she just thinks that it was an innocent comment.

Matt however wrote Kay a text explaining everything so now everyone knows “that way” (Kay and mom knew already but they acted like they only heard it from Matt)

Still Jess is angry with me and has unfollowed me everywhere saying I ruined her happiness. I texted her that if her relationship was real, it would have survived an innocent comment like the one I made.

Kay called me and she said that Matt has apologized and explained everything to her. She has “forgiven” him although she said there was nothing to forgive really since she truly believes that things weren’t meant to be. They are staying friends however and they are very close friends. Jess called Kay a bitch and blocked her everywhere and wrote a nasty comment about her on INSTAGRAM that she was a man stealer then unfollowed her.

My mom is very distraught now but I think she will survive. I will survive too and I still have no feelings of guilt about what I did. I am starting to think that I really did do the right thing and I am proud of myself for it. As Kay said , things that are meant to be happens.

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7.

Editor's Note July 2024: OOP has deleted their account, ergo I'm changing this post to inconclusive.