DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRAPhoneSecret in r/relationship_advice

I went looking for some old DMs relating to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 post here and found this that I'd half written months ago. Two of the posts and most of the comments have been deleted since but it's possible to piece together a compelling tale.

trigger warnings: emotional neglect, emotional abuse, threatening behaviour

mood spoilers: frustrating as OOP never admits or even seems to realise he’s in the wrong

Girlfriend has a secret conversation every morning and it’s making me crazy - Sunday 7th February 2021

My girlfriend (26f) and I (32m) have been dating for a few months. My work switched to full home working recently so I started staying over more and things have been great - apart from one issue. When I used to stay over and get up early for work my gf would stay in bed until after I left. As soon as I started working from here she became an instant early riser, always getting up maybe twenty minutes before me. When she asked me about it she says she just likes “a quiet coffee” in the mornings. I got up early a couple of times, made fresh coffee and handed her a cup so we could enjoy it together but wherever I sit, she would go and sit elsewhere. This has been really getting to me so I pressed the point and said it would be nice to sit together in the mornings. It didn’t go great and when I tried to sit with her the next day (I am seeing red even as I type this) she went in her office and locked the door behind her. She did this several days in a row last week and when I try to bring it up she says she doesn’t want to talk about it. Yesterday was my day off so I stayed in bed, waited till she got up for her ‘quiet coffee’ and I crept up to the office and as I suspected, she’s talking to someone. She was speaking very softly so I couldn’t make it out but it sounded like an intimate conversation. I’ve barely spoken to her since and don’t know what to say - how do you address this when she refuses to even speak about it? What is she getting from another relationship when I am with her 24/7 the last two weeks? I do have a small camera I could put in her office, I know it’s wrong but this is driving me crazy and if I need to confront her it will be easier with all the evidence.

Tldr girlfriend gets up every morning for a secret conversation, won’t discuss it with me, and it’s driving me crazy

OOP gets a few replies telling him to hide the camera. These posts are later heavily downvoted but at the time the post gets little attention. Then two days later:

AITA for wanting to know who my girlfriend was speaking to every morning? - Tuesday 9th February 2021

I noticed recently that my girlfriend was avoiding me in the mornings, only for a short period of time but every single day and insisting she just wants a quiet coffee on her own. I happened to hear her talking to someone during one of these morning sessions and obviously wanted to know who she’s talking to every single morning. Today when she got up and went to make coffee I took her mug and wouldn’t let her have it, I was only joking at first but it turned worse with her saying “Just give me my mug!” and I lost my temper and said “Just tell me who you’re fucking cheating on me with!”

This is where I think I’m the asshole maybe because it was some thing she’s been doing every day since her dad died almost a year ago, she talks to him every morning while she drinks her coffee. Just chats about her day or whatever. Obviously I backed off right away and sat down i told her it’s fine and she should keep doing it, I want her to and I just needed to know. I just thought she was talking to some other guy. She shook her head and said it was just a silly thing and she couldn’t keep doing it now she had to talk about it. I don’t know why me knowing what she’s doing makes a difference and would have avoided this whole thing. She seemed sad but she was smiling so I went in the bedroom but just a minute later I heard her crying really, really hard. I went back and she was saying he’s gone now, he’s really gone so I said are you talking about your dad and she just got up and ran out the door. She has not answered my texts and then about an hour ago her brother came to the door and called me a fucking asshole and worse, I honestly thought he was going to hit me. He took some of her stuff and said she won’t be home tonight. I never meant to upset her and it is not unreasonable to want to know who your partner is talking to every morning, I am sorry she got upset but am I really in the wrong here?

Post was removed before the verdict was rendered but votes were heavily YTA (of course). A week passes.

Going to be homeless because my girlfriend won’t talk to me - Monday 15th February 2021

My girlfriend and me had an argument last week over coffee of all things, it got out of hand and she went to stay somewhere else to cool off. Now she is only speaking to me through her brother who hates me anyway so I don’t have any chance to set things right. He is saying I need to move out in three days so she can come home but I have nowhere to go and can’t get a place of my own so fast. I know if I could talk to her we could get past this but everything is going through him and I am sure he is twisting her words and mine to keep us apart. She has blocked me on everything and her phone is here so I can’t call or text her. What can I do to get past her brother who is trying to keep us apart? I need to set things straight or I’m going to be homeless.

edit: she has taken some leave from her job but her work phone and laptop are here so I could possibly use her job to convince her to speak with me.

This post is quickly linked back to the previous two, and OOP tries to defend himself in the comments.

On his living and working arrangements:

No the house belongs to her although I have a key and do live here full time

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I don’t drive and don’t have much money right now. Also I need internet access for my job and I have been using a laptop that isn’t mine. I need to talk to her or I’m finished, I know we can sort this out buther brother is deliberately preventing it

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I haven’t got anywhere else to go, I am not using homeless lightly. I have not been contributing so far as I am trying to deal with the lease on my old place but I was planning to very shortly. My girlfriend owns the house outright so I wasn’t shorting her by not contributing to rent or anything.

On his old apartment:

We have been together a few months, I have been living here a few weeks due to a problem with the lease at my old place. One of the problems her brother has with me is because his friend’s dad owns my old building so it’s obviously nothing to do with me and his sister, he’s just being a dick. I don’t have a lot of stuff, probably a suitcase of clothes and a few other items. I’ve not been able to collect my stuff from my old apartment. My big problem is having no access to a computer as I can’t do my job without that and I have been using a laptop here. I only have about $400 right now and another $70 in cash.

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I had a dispute with the landlord and he won’t let me collect my belongings.

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You would get on well with him as you are both so determined to take the worst possible view on everything

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Are you just making up your own story here? I fell out with the landlord so I moved out, a totally normal thing to do. This is completely unrelated and I have given her brother no reason to have a problem with me, ever.

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I broke the lease on my apartment so I can’t go back there. It is very hard to get anywhere here without a reference and I doubt I have enough for a deposit. Most of my money is tied up in various deals right now and I would take a big loss if I tried to pull it back.

On using her work phone/laptop to force her to talk to him:

They are in her office. Her personal phone is in there too although I think she has her tablet. I told her brother to take her phone and he said no, she’d get it when she’s home.

Edit: what he actually said was to fuck off and stay out of his fucking way. I have no idea why I am trying to hide the kind of person he actually is. He has no reason to act this way towards me.

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Just tell her they need to speak with her or something. I was genuinely looking for advice and hoping someone would suggest something. I’m not a bad guy.

On his current predicament and problems with her brother:

Her brother has threatened to literally drag me out if I am not gone by Wednesday

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I am pretty sure if I leave I will not be able to get back in. I walked to the store yesterday on my way back I saw her brother drive past so I cut across to get back before him but I know someone on the street is telling him when I leave. He did not stop just drove past, he saw me in the window and didn’t stop.

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The problem is once I am out I would find it very hard to prove I live there so if he does physically get me out he could tell the cops I’m just some crazy guy and the neighbours would stick up for him. It would not surprise me if he has agreed this with the neighbour already and that’s who’s told him when I went out.

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I am genuinely looking for advice on how to get round her shithead brother and make her listen to me. This is not a big argument and we can settle it easily I just need to talk to her! What am I meant to do just go oh fuck her brother says it over I’ll just pack my shit and go live in a park?

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You don’t know anything about this and you’d buy him a drink for bullying some me into being homeless, I think that says a lot about you. It was just a stupid thing, my girlfriend is upset about some other stuff and she is mixing it all up into this one thing. If she just cooled off and let me talk to her we could get over this in five minutes but he’s spent three days whispering poison into her eears.

My absolute favourite comment, the plaintive "how is this advice" is beautiful

Her brother is bullying though? Standing between two adults using his physical size to stop them from talking to each other. He is the one that has used abuseive language, he is the one that has threatened violence, he is the one who is threatening to make someone homeless. If I posted this from the other side “I am a landlord and I am using my brother to make someone homeless in three days and refusing to let them speak ” you guys would be all over it. How is this advice

And then finally, OOP cannot help but return to one of the original replies about planting a camera saying he wished he’d just done that instead.

Just FYI if I had followed your advice this would have been settled quickly and quietly with no harm done. I listened to people saying shit like use your words and now I wish I’d just listened to you.

Marked INCONCLUSIVE as OOP never posted again so either the brother dragged him out or he left of his own accord, but it looks like he didn't take the laptop with him.

Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS.