I am not the Original Poster. Originally posted by u/anonymousAITAH on r/AmItheAsshole.

Fact to cover spoilers: 70% of brides still choose diamonds for their wedding/engagement ring(s). The next most popular stone is sapphire, which is nearly as hard as a diamond, also making it a good stone for everyday wear.

light editing done for readability

TW: miscarriage

Mood: stressful

AITA For calling my fiancée selfish for wanting to announce her pregnancy at her cousins wedding? (31 May 2023)

Throwaway

My fiancee(29) and I(31M) just found out that we’re pregnant. My fiancée mentioned that she wanted to wait to announce it at her cousin’s wedding which will be taking place on Sunday. Her cousin and her husband has been struggling getting pregnant even with IVF or the tons of others. Recently they just got some news that their insurance has stopped funding IVF and not to mention the heartbreak of a recent miscarriage on Mothers Day. They almost understandably held off on the wedding.

So when my fiancée brought it up to me, I told her it’s not at all a good idea. This just seemed so wrong, especially it being at their wedding. I asked, if she was gonna at least ask her cousin for permission and she said, no because she wanted it to be a surprise for everyone. I told her it’s not the time nor the place for that and it would take the spotlight off the couple(in her family there hasn’t been a baby in 3 years so we’d be the first in that time).

Fiancée feels that’s the perfect time because it’s such a joy and it’s not like she can keep it away forever and their problems shouldn’t keep her from telling something so positive, so it's on them if they turn it negative. I told her that’s not the point, she knows what they’ve been through and she’s being selfish if she actually goes through with that. She cried and claimed I wasn’t being supportive and I shouldn’t be calling my pregnant fiancee selfish. She doesn’t want me to come with her to the wedding anymore either, feeling as if I would ‘kill the mood’. She hasn’t been talking to me either

Edit: So about my fiancée and her cousins relationship. My fiancée always saw competition in her cousin because her cus would be better at some things than her. (Grades, Dancing, Cosmetics, etc.) since they were kids and she hates that. Last year they had an argument about it because fiancée felt her cus bragged too much, where as my fiancée also mentioned “there was one thing her cus wasn’t good at” but never said what it was. So in shorter terms the relationship is in between good and bad, but her cus wanted to invite her to the wedding, I’m guessing to rekindle that.

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UPDATE: AITA For calling my fiancée selfish for wanting to announce her pregnancy at her cousins wedding? (24 Jun 2023)

Sorry for the long wait as I have been going through some things (me and my fiancée breaking up, work, death of my grandfather, etc)

So I didn’t expect to get a bunch of replies to my post. But a lot of them were helpful, my ex was determined to go to the wedding, despite my protests and even planned out how she was going to be refusing alcohol when offered. I did tell my ex’s parents about what she was planning on doing. I didn’t want to tell the groom or bride because I wouldn’t know how to put it in words that would make the whole situation any less awful. Ex’s parents did end up telling the bride's parents and then they told the bride.

The bride was so upset that she, unfortunately, called off the wedding. Everyone wanted her to continue it and invite my ex for a couple of plans guests thought of (ex: when my ex announced it everyone would just stay nonchalant and not give her the excited reaction she was hoping for, and the classic just don't invite her plan.

The bride was just understandably wanted to be left alone and she just texted my fiancee a very long paragraph telling her what a horrible person she was. She just decided not to do the wedding anymore, and her fiancé was very heartbroken, but all in all, they were both grateful to me. My ex instantly knew that I was ‘the cause’ of all of this and she was furious at me, even more, because I posted about it here, but also said a pretty sick thing about how she still pretty much ‘won’ anyways. I just decided to break up with her myself after that.

Some of her family members are kinda upset with me, as they believed I just caused a bunch of drama. Now I'm currently in the works of talking to an attorney as my ex told me I will not be seeing the baby after they're born. So all that on top of grief, working, breakup, being called a ‘mess starter’ by some of her family, and still feeling like shit because either way the bride and groom were heartbroken. It's just putting a bunch of anxiety and stress on me lol. Anyways here is the long-awaited update. Any questions, I’ll answer.

Edit: So they were pretty much already contemplating on canceling the wedding. Family members did stress her out over her miscarriage and canceling. Her fiance's family were excessive about she couldn't carry a baby to full term like a real woman. Not to mention her own family went around spreading her miscarriage like wildfire which is how my ex and I found out. They told it to co-workers even. It's not the first time my ex has also interrupted her cousin's big events (ex: when turning 17, my ex cake-smashed her, which wasn't fun for her cousin) their first pregnancy announcement(which was the miscarriage) was ruined because my ex blurted the news out, but her cousins told to get over that because it was a miscarriage anyways, so she's told by family members

This is what I was told when asking her fiance. So she's been at a breaking point for a while. She was considering just still continuing the wedding but wanted to be left alone. They didn't call off the wedding permanently, just until the bride has cooled herself down.

Relevant Comment:

Commenter: Is your ex okay? Did she have like a meltdown or something? This all seems so weird
OOP: No she didn’t. She is upset because I broke up with her.

Reminder: I am not the Original Poster. Originally posted by u/anonymousAITAH on r/AmItheAsshole. Flared as concluded because the wedding time was passed and OOP has broken up with his fiancee .