I am not OP! Original post from r/tifu by user u/hug-a-cat

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moving down the spoiler

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just incase you guys can still see the spoiler, here's some more spaces.

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Mood Spoiler: >!People being rude to someone and making assumptions based on how they dress!<

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TIFU by dressing casually for work - posted December 9, 2022Original Post

I work with marginalized people with complex needs, and my specific role relates to having lived experience of homelessness, addiction and complex trauma. There are a lot of different elements to it that I won't get into because they aren't relevant, but I do some work at a service for rough sleepers which is where I was today.

Most of my colleagues dress very casually for work. I try quite hard to be presentable because I guess I'm a bit worried about being judged for my background (even though that's literally why they employed me). It's also my first time in this type of job. However, right now in England it is Fucking Freezing and I had to layer up which meant I wasn't looking very officey. I was still clean and I don't think I was that scruffy or anything, my clothes were just a bit mismatched and too big for me.

At the place I was working, there's a drop-in area for the clients and an office area which is staff only. I mainly chill in the client area since they're the people I'm there to work with and only really go in the office area when I need to talk to a colleague or need a computer or something. This week a member of staff I hadn't met before had come back from maternity leave and was in the office.

I went to the office to introduce myself. I opened the door and popped my head round and without even looking up she just went "NO". I was like, ooook and backed away. I figured she was on a sensitive phonecall or something, still rude but y'know. (Slight side note - her tone of voice really vividly reminded me of how people sometimes talked to me when I was homeless - I remember once trying to get a woman's attention as she was walking past and she was just like "NO 🙄" and kept walking because I guess she thought I was begging? I was actually trying to tell her that her dress was tucked into her tights).

Anyway I just got on with things for a bit until I actually had to go into the office. I started walking in and she jumped out of her chair and was like "NO! YOU. CAN. NOT. COME. IN. HERE" and literally started shoo-ing me out the door with her hands. I kinda just allowed myself to be shoo-ed (which probably speaks volumes about my self esteem), but the service manager who I know pretty well had arrived in the meantime and was also in the office - she was like "wtf, why are you shoo-ing R, he works here!"

At this point the rude colleague obviously backs down but explains that because of my presentation and manner (her words), she assumed I was a client. (I was like, oh ok so you're cool with shoo-ing clients then, fantastic... why do you work here again?) She apologized (barely), I said ok and told the service manager I was going to finish up my paperwork from home.

Went home and had a little cry, since apparently the only thing separating R the professional and R the homeless junkie is a poorly fitting hoodie and a dorky hat. Not a good day for my self-esteem. Now I've dealt with the self-pity aspect and I'm mainly just pissed that that's how she thinks she should treat clients. The service manager has emailed me about making a complaint which tbh I probably will even though its the last thing I want to deal with.

Tl, Dr - I went to work in casual clothes and a colleague apparently mistook me for a victorian street urchin and tried to dramatically shoo me out the door. My self esteem and confidence in my job took a sizeable knock..

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TIFU by dressing casual to work (UPDATE) - posted January 11, 2023Update Post

My original post was here. I got a message asking if there are any updates - there actually are and it's positive overall so I figured I'd make a quick post.

So the basic jist of my original post is that I work with marginalised people including people dealing with street homelessness, I'm the "lived experience" guy so I feel a bit separate from a lot of my colleagues. During a cold snap, I had to wear a lot of layers to work and looked scruffier than usual. When I tried to come into the staff office, a colleague I hadn't worked with before mistook me for a client and dramatically shoo-ed me out the door. Which obviously felt Great. The service manager saw this happen and asked if I wanted to make a complaint.

What ended up happening... I did go ahead with the complaint - mainly because the way she acted when she thought I was a client made me concerned about how she treats actual clients. It was taken seriously and formally investigated. The process wasn't as stressful as I thought it would be, I feel like it was handled pretty well.

I feel like people kept getting stuck on the "me being mistaken for a client" part and not the "this lady thinks its fine to shoo clients" part. Like they were asking if an apology or a "mediation meeting" would help, I was honest and said an apology wouldn't mean a huge amount to me one way or another, I'm mostly just worried about her attitudes in general and as long as that's been looked into then I'm happy.

There was some discussion and some ideas suggested. I'd say the main outcome is that the service is going to be funding training for all staff on "unconscious bias". It's mandatory which I think is a good thing tbh - a lot of training is voluntary and generally speaking the people who choose to attend training on unconscious bias aren't the ones who most urgently need it. I also think it's the sort of thing that could be useful for absolutely anyone and I'm definitely including myself in that.

I have very little direct contact with the lady who shoo-ed me and as far as I can tell she's avoiding me which I have no problem with. Hopefully she finds the training useful?? Part of me is hoping we'll be booked on to the same session because I think the sheer level of awkwardness could be pretty interesting.

That's about it for an update. I'm currently half-dead from flu so my brain is working on v limited capacity, apologies if any of this doesn't make sense! And thanks for the supportive replies to my first post, it wasn't a very nice situation so it meant a lot to me!

Tl, Dr: a colleague mistook me for a client and shoo-ed me out of the office like a stray dog, my employers have taken it seriously and are providing training for the whole service.

Marking Concluded since the situation seems to be resolved. Reminder! I am NOT OOP!