I made it! Usually, when I do challenges I end up washing out halfway through, but this time I made it all the way through the entire 20 Day Takeover. I'm very proud of myself that I actually finished something, but considering the changes I've noticed I'm not 100 percent convinced that it's a good thing this time.

Things felt manageable until we hit the Mental Makeover set of the Takeover. I had been fighting the urge to wear my uniform out of the house. I had a big project at work that I needed to focus on. But it went off without a hitch last week. The following Monday, as I was getting dressed, I found myself reaching for my necklace. Normally I'd tell myself no and continue on… but I just put on. And it felt right. Frighteningly so. I haven’t been able to bring myself to take it off (except for the day it was 90o out. Both of us were like EVERYTHING needs to be off my body and I need a shower NOW! Then as soon as I got out of the shower I put it right back on. It’s weird, everytime I touch it or even think about it, I get a little jolt of arousal. But if I’m touching it and thinking about taking it off, it feels like this pit opens up in my stomach.

I haven’t had a full on, blackout Bambi takeover, but she’s made herself known in little ways. I wore a When The Sun Shines Through It dress to work. I also didn’t wear panties under it. I don’t get my nails done. I get pedicures, but manicures are out because I’m so hard on my nails that I chip the next day with regular polish. The only thing that lasts is if I get acrylic tips, but they fucked up my nails so bad, no thank you. I tried gel nails when they first were a thing but that chipped the next day too AND cost twice as much as a regular manicure so fuck that. Except right before I started the Takeover, one of my partners treated me to a spa package that included a gel manicure. Of course I had to get one, and I picked a nice red. But then it got chipped. So of course I needed a fresh manicure, this time a purple base you could barely see under the mountain of sparkly glitter. I’m not going to lie, I got lost watching the light sparkle off them more than a few times. But THEN last week, I just HAD to go get a fresh manicure as soon as I got off work. I was leaning towards a nice black with red glitter, then I saw a pink glitter and something in my head said “I WANT THAT ONE!!!” so now I have pink nails. And I’ve gotten so many compliments on them that Bambi is a little smug.

I find myself listening to Fuckpuppet Oblivion and files that encourage amnesia after listening to files. I made a few playlists to encourage a Bambi Emergence and reinforce the uniform lock. I’m flirting with tists and messaging with randos in the hopes of getting used like a slut. And I had a hell of a time writing this up because I had so many more typos than normal. (I also had a hard time copying this over from the Google Doc I wrote this up because I couldn't remember that I need to hit ctrl c after ctrl a. It probably doesn't help I'm listening to Umm... on a loop while I do this).

I'd say something cute about sending help, but I get the feeling it’s too late for that.