Hi there,

Just like it says on the tin, I'm hoping to meet a smart and snarky submissive woman who is looking for a boner donor. Essentially, if you enjoy sexual intercourse with straight Black men, consider such intercourse with me.

Why choose me aside from being a Phallus-American?

1. I am married and vetted; someone chose this dick for all eternity. But, if you act now, you get the rest of me for a limited time.

2. I am witty and snarky as fuck. I have always been too smart for my own good. Ask me about the Roman empire and learn all about that rascal Publius Clodius Pulcher. Nunc est bibendum y'all.

3. I have had a vasectomy, so if you cannot use hormonal birth control, I am a pretty safely solid ride if your favored method fails.

I don't have high expectations here. I am otherwise a regular professional with a professional job. No one would ever clock me as kinky. I work out but also enjoy pizza if you catch my drift. My marriage is open, and I have no children. I am mostly looking for a subby friends with benefits, and a strong emphasis on friendship. Really. Making friends is hard. But perhaps we will get along better if you associate me with physical pleasure, terrible puns, and sporadic classical references.

My dominant side has been described as creatively sadistic. Less pain infliction and more release denial. That said, even when my dick loses its novelty, hopefully our inside jokes never will!

I lack the spoons for:

• people who know someone that will be incredibly angry if you talk to me - like your significant other.

• people who use tobacco or substances other than Mary-Jane/the occasional cocktail.

• people dealing with very recent grief - like a breakup, divorce, or death of a loved one.

• people who are more than 30 minutes outside the beltway.

• people who are looking for a penpal.

Come say hi. Being funny is highly encouraged. If our textual banter is on point for a week or so, let us meet for a beverage. Happy to exchange pictures or do a virtual vibe check beforehand.

We all risk rejection/in the hope of connection. If you've got potential/Get your name in contention/today.