I am a 45-year-old man who is safe, sane, responsible, well-educated, and stable. I have traveled the world (and have the pictures to show it), stay current, and can uphold my end of a conversation (and not just about sex and kink). I also know my way around a kitchen and enjoy good food and good wine. And I am in a perfectly normal, perfectly respectable, and perfectly vanilla relationship.

That is my dilemma, because I am also naturally drawn to the D/s dynamic. I don't intend to change my situation or yours, but perhaps you're in a complementary circumstance? Trying to hold it together and yet obsessed by this deeper and more primal urge? Can we find a safe space to satisfy each other?

For me, this is mainly about control and submission. I am not naturally a sadist and don't derive much enjoyment from senseless pain or degradation. What thrills me is the idea of a woman submitting to my control and surrendering to me the responsibility for her pleasure and mine. I love the idea of being with an accomplished, capable woman and, at the same time, being able to look through that to see a body that I desperately want to possess. And then to take her and have her and enjoy her in a way that is not bound by conventional notions of affection or tenderness, but by something more primal and instinctive and raw. It is not about being violent or abusive, but just about indulging a very basic drive.

Fundamentally, it isn't about forcing a woman to do something against her will, it is about creating the right conditions so that she feels permitted -- perhaps "compelled" -- to do the "shameful" things that she has secretly wanted to do all along! And, truth be told, the great secret is that submissive women have all the real power. They only give it up when they feel comfortable. I won't make you miscapitalize pronouns, and I won't make you call me "Master." The dynamic I'm looking for isn't based on that. I don't believe submission means a woman is weak or foolish or silly. It takes actual courage to place yourself under another's control, and so I am looking for a woman who can be powerful and confident in her submission. That should not be a contradiction.

I am 6'2", 180 lbs., reasonably fit. I have dark hair and eyes. I'm professional and clean-cut. I have experience both in affairs and in D/s relationships. I am not coming to this naively. I am looking for someone in a similar situation. Prefer someone who is articulate and accomplished, who is height-weight proportionate, and who knows how to play it safe and keep her cool.

But most importantly, I am looking for someone who is similarly intrigued and looking for safe place to experiment and test her limits. I can picture you there, sprawled across the bed, naked, vulnerable, and open to me. I see your lipstick is smudged, your mascara is running down your cheek, your hair is delightfully disordered . . . and I think you're so pretty . . .