I've just had a whole host of thoughts, but here was the stem of the whole set of thoughts.

I've had a ballbusting fetish as long as I can remember, just that I've never been hit in the balls before, so don't know if I'd enjoy it IRL or not.

The main reason (aside from money) that I wouldn't want to see a domme, from what I've read/seen, is that I don't want some type of roleplay, nor do I want her to necessarily be 'above' me. What I'm looking for is someone to almost have a consultation, of like, starting with light taps and if I like it, going a little harder at a time. But in a way that's more dignified, not some kind of 'sissy training'.

No matter what, I'd be nervous as fuck, and someone being dominant would make things only worse, at least until I'm comfortable with it. And while a romantic partner would be able to fill this role (at least somewhat), I'm single, and there are things that I'm looking for in a partner that are more important to me than this fetish that are such a niche, narrowing my options a ton even before thinking about sexual/kink compatibility.

I was watching a video on Jubilee about a dominatrix (she even mentioned ballbusting), and she seemed great! Professional, discussing needs/wants beforehand, etc.

Basically looking for someone who knows what's safe and would be able to help me feel comfortable experimenting with this fetish (or just feeling more comfortable thinking about anything erotic; I get so uncomfortable and shy about it, even if it's like a conversation with friends).

I'd obviously pay her for her time, even if it wasn't a 'normal' session, but is this a kind of thing that exists? Am I even sounding coherent and making sense to anyone?