I was an asshole.

I won’t pretend that every rejection I ever got was my fault; some of them were just plain mean. Like when I admitted to a somewhat long-term girl that I liked being a switch—and she left.

But fuck was I an asshole at times. I didn’t realize it until this last time. Happened about a week ago now—a real sweet girl pointed out that she could tell I wasn’t a native-speaker. And for some reason I was so defensive about that. I made a whole stink about it. I guess I thought I was defending my one strength or something. And it wasn’t until she told me off far sweeter than I deserved that I realized what an ass I had been. And like… for what? Fucking nothing!

I realized then how ugly all this ghosting stuff had made me. Not that it wasn’t deserved on occasion, I’m sure. But I was just so insecure. Like, I read back some shit I wrote and I reek of it. And sure, I haven’t dealt with this much rejection since school lol But that’s my problem to deal with. And I just regret I made it someone else’s problem!

I didn’t know how much I needed to step back from it all. But I’ll learn from this, I will.

If anyone I’ve RP’d with ever reads this, I’m sorry if I behaved like an ass.