I thout back to the idea of almost everything I was invited to I did not spend almost anytime with my friend and how I was almost always with the kids . She said it's part of parenting but I relized I was trying to pay her to be my Freind . I relized if she only wants to hang out around the kids .. but then when around the kids is constantly bussy .. she doesn't wanna hang out . But I don't wanna change more then 15 for fear she will say she can't pay it and find another babysitter. I don't want a stranger babysitting the kids or there aunt who will bring her 2 kids over and basicly force them non stop to take care of her kids . Tho I cant lie it's clicking in my head that I am almost 22 and the only person who likes me is my boyfriend. I have made 3 friends in the last few years ... All 3 the minit I stoped helping non stop with the kids (this includes on many many occasions watching them for 45 minutes well they did Stuf like phone calls bathroom anything like that ) .I also have Ben cooking w lot . I always saw it as I love helping freinds and people I care about ... But it's not . It was nay way of hopeing if I was useful enough and nice enough she would wanna stay as my friend. But she hasn't invited me to anything with out the kids and I always pay my way for it (and almost always end up keeping a eye on the kids 90% or the time and only truely spending time when we step off to smoke ) .she said she was quieting smoking to save money . I can't cuz I smoke for medical. But I relized if she didn't smoke we won't ever talk about anything but the kids .. that's not Freindship. For now I am very happy to stay in the kids life's . They are truely wonderful (even when they are being mean) kids . I don't want a stranger to watch them or someone who will yell easily or spank them . (Thier anut dose both ) .I try to respect how others wish to watch thier children but have made it very clear I won't ever spank a child (and have yet to ) .the kids are about to go through a lot tbh . I don't want another huge change of a new babysitter.