My son was born in February of 2017 at 25w6d 10 days after my water broke after what had been a relatively normal pregnancy. He spent 69 days in the NICU and is now a happy, healthy toddler who is caught up in every aspect except for speech. I have a daughter who was 12 at the time and had to spend about a month at a friend's house while we managed me in the hospital then going back and forth 2 times a day to check in. It was very hard but we made it work.

We knew we wanted to have more kids and were told by a few OBGYNs that it was safe to do so. My cervix was on the short side (~2.7) as a result of a cone biopsy but they had never made a ruling as to why my water broke, and told me that it was specific to the pregnancy not specific to me.

We conceived pretty easily in May. at 8 weeks I went to the ER with bleeding thinking it was all over. Luckily it was a subchorionic hemorrhage that resolved itself. Except for ridiculous nausea I had no other issues. I've been on progestrone shots since 16 weeks and had a cerclage placed at 18 weeks.

I've been pretty anxious my entire pregnancy, but since I hit 19ish weeks it has been through.the.roof. I am CONSTANTLY playing out in my head what to do if my water broke. what would it mean. what were the chances. I know a lot more about prematurity, viability, and things of that nature than I did two years ago. I know what would happen if I were to give birth now.

I'm sure anxiety is normal. this is through the roof though. I am drafting emails to my boss in my head telling him I had to leave early. I'm going through what I would do with my toddler at any given scenario should my water break. When I'm more than 30 minutes from home I wonder what I would do should I start bleeding. It's constant, and it's so so intrusive and upsetting.

I've tried doing affirmations, meditations, etc. I know I need to focus on the here and now, and my kids, and my job, and myself. That stress can only make it worse and not better. but I.just.can.not.stop. I'm constantly, constantly on edge. counting the days until viability, the days until my water broke last time, etc etc. any help/advice/commiseration would be appreciated =\