Warning: I just need to vent, I know “it’ll work out” etc. I just need to get a lot of shit off my chest.

In just a few short days, it’s the 3 yr anniversary of my late husband passing away suddenly at 27. This time of year it always shitty, understandably...being pregnant with my first has added a whole new level of emotions on top of the usual sadness and confusion.

Let’s add more: Gestational diabetes, my cardiologist reminding me “after birth you need to lose a considerable amount of weight by the way”. Can I have the baby first? I’m still down 8lbs btw from pre pregnancy weight.

The worst of all: our lease is up in July. Our landlord has decided to sell the property, so while he’s not rushing us out, we want/need to be in a place by mid June, ideally. Our current place works for now but it needs a lot of fixing, I get why he’s selling it.

We found the perfect property to rent last weekend. We were the first to apply, it was the perfect area, good price, we worked with a broker who happened to be a military veteran, as are the homeowners. We submitted a letter with our application and we felt we had good chances. This was Friday.

Yesterday, when I already felt like shit, I get a text “they didn’t approve you, can we apply to the other two rentals we looked at?”

The other two were more expensive and just not good places for many reasons.

I’ve been crying on and off for the last 24 hours. Made the mistake of talking to my Mom while upset and she of course said everything I didn’t want to hear or need to hear at that moment. “you’ll have to compromise, just keep looking, why can’t you stay where you are now?” Etc.

I should be happy and not stressed right now. I feel shitty.

TL; DR- lease is up in July, landlord selling our current home, found somewhere perfect, didn’t get approved, sick of being pregnant, can’t fucking find a place to live.