Hi Bumpers. I am 18 weeks exactly today. This will be my first baby. I'll try not to ramble, but I'm so stressed over this.

Some background info: The day after I found out I was pregnant, I had an interview for a government job. I'm waiting on approval for my secret clearance, but after a meeting today with someone from Homeland Security I was told the position is mine if my clearance goes through, and I should know that within two weeks! I am currently employed and I fully expect to leave that job for this new one. My husband is also employed through the DoD.

I should be thrilled about this great new opportunity, but I'm not. The fact is I do not know if I want to keep working after LO is born. Assuming I am offered the position with a start by the end of February, I could expect to only work 3-4 months tops before going on maternity leave, and I will feel terrible leaving after working there for such a short time. Applying for the government job took a lot of paperwork, time, and contacting people I haven't seen or spoken to in 7 years. All this time and effort spent by other people to get me such a good job and I'll be throwing it away. I worry that people will think I am ungrateful for the opportunity given to me or that I'm lazy. The money is good, and would definitely help. We can get by just on husband's salary; it will be tight, of course, but doable.

I'm not comfortable with the idea of putting an infant in daycare, and we have no family or friends in the area that we could have help us out.

The government position does have an evening shift, but my husband often works irregular/late hours (not his fault, he frequently gets last-minute deadline work dumped on him) and daycare won't work with that.

I wish I knew what the right answer is. While I do not look down on women who can work full-time and have a family, I fear I can't do that, like it would make me a bad mother to "abandon" my child. On the other hand, I am afraid I'll regret bypassing this opportunity for a very long time and I don't want it to turn into resentment.

I know right now my main concern should be my health and LO's health, and unnecessary stress is the last thing I need, but I just can't get this predicament off my mind. Anyone have any advice/kind words to put me at ease?

TL;DR: Give up great job or stay at home with new baby?