I'm a FTM and I just had my first appointment at 10 weeks and we got to see our little gummy bear! He / she was wiggling side to side like a salamander and kicking and waving her / his little arms and legs like crazy, we couldn't believe it. We could even see the heartbeat flashing! He / she was 3cm long. Up until the appointment my main emotions have been nervousness about how our lives will change - and I still feel that way - but this was the first time I felt a pure surprise of joy and wonder and excitement, seeing the little one dancing. We couldn't believe it. I thought it would be a little white blob like other people's ultrasound pictures, but in real life everything is moving and it's much easier to see what's what. We were totally unprepared to see a PERSON moving around in there!

There's something amazing about seeing the little one. It's like, I was feeling like it's just me in a new state called "pregnant". But seeing the little one dancing made me realize there is a new, different, completely independent person in there that is NOT me, or even part of me. Just hanging out doing whatever he / she feels like. My husband and I were astounded, like, who are you? Where did you come from? What are you doing here? ...even though we planned this.

Maybe it's like the first time two tribes of people come across each other, they cautiously look at each other and wonder who the others are and what they're like, waiting to make the first move, not knowing what that move would be. It's a sensation of surprise or something - it's hard to put it into words. Seeing a new person for the first time and not knowing who they are. That wide-eyed feeling, except for us it was swiftly followed by delight.

That night we decided to each start writing letters to our little one, of how we're feeling, what we're doing, what we hope for her / him. I drew his or her first ever portrait in my first letter. We were talking about giving her / him the letters when he /she leaves for college, or when she / he gets married, or when we die unexpectedly, or who knows when. I don't even know him / her, and I love him / her! Sheesh, now we gotta find out the sex so I can start using the proper pronouns!

:)