I’m a man struggling to cope with a to-be abortion.

me and my partner have been speaking of having a baby for 2 month and when we started trying we got pregnant very quickly, within days, she is about 9 weeks now.

At first we were super excited and spoke and dreamt of what we wanted and how we wanted to raise our children and live a life, we are from different countries so we were planning logistics and just talking about all good exciting things. she would wake up and say ‘i saw her in my dream!’.

a couple weeks ago the pregnancy began to hit her very hard and she is suffering and quite low, i feel helpless but trying my best to do everything i can to accommodate the mood swings and every need i am able.

as time passed she has become seemingly less excited and more panicked, worried and stressed, now she is speaking of abortion. i understand her autonomy is everything and it is her body and her choice.

but truth be told, i am quite upset and struggling with the thought of not getting to love and raise this child the way we dreamed together. i feel i’ve seen it in my dreams too, we spoke of names and wondered what they would look like.

i have an abortion in my past and it is difficult and i’m unsure if i regret it or not because i still think a lot of ‘what if’. i am very paternal and also have anxiety about my own fertility for no reason other than anxiety.

i guess i became attached quickly because i really thought she was too, we were excited, we dreamt together, and now i’m struggling to come to terms with the fact the things we saw and dreamt of will never come true. i will never hear that laugh or those footsteps, never see get to hold them or their mothers resemblance, it’s just a bit sad.

i love her very much and i already love that baby, it’s hard and i know there’s nothing i can do, i just, don’t know what to do with my thoughts and emotions now.

thank you