Sorry, this is long...

I’m married to my favorite person and I love him more than anything. We’ve been together for roughly 6 years. He truly is an amazing person and he treats me so well. My family loves him and we’re best friends.

Until recently, I was very happy. We have some differences in sex drive which do bother me but I work through it because I care for him and sex isn’t everything. I know couples go through honeymoon phases and love changes as we grow.

Recently, without really expecting it, I started receiving attention from someone at work that my younger self would be jealous of (meaning I never in a million years would think this person would be attracted to me or like me in any way). I found that I had feelings for him after talking with him and getting to know him through our normal work interactions. After realizing this, I pulled away and we’ve kept it strictly platonic (it was platonic before but no flirting now).

I feel awful and I know it’s wrong and please know that I’ve done my best to control myself and the choices I make. I’ve done this before in the past and I’ve tried my best to grow and be a better person, push past things and stop destroying my life.

But it really makes me wonder...if I could’ve fallen for someone so easily, after swearing I loved my husband more than anything, am I really happy? Or is this the BPD messing with me and making me want to fall back on old patterns?

I’m really struggling right now. I’m torn between my head and my heart and I can’t tell who I’m supposed to trust.