I just got done talking to a FP and there’s a eerie calmness. When I have my bpd episodes I can’t calm myself down no matter what I do. My problem is I always feel left out that no one cares and they don’t want to hang out with me. He always makes me feel this and I have spoken to him about it numerous times and nothing has changed. So this last time I deleted him off my friends list and got rid of Snapchat. I confessed that I did this and asked if I can readd him because I think I’m ok with seeing his name on my list again. He told me he has to think about it. Usually I would be having a panic attack but I’m not. I’m ok with the fact that I may never add him back. I feel like I’m finally alone and im alright with that.

Edit: What was supposed to be calmness and finding peace turn into me trying to explain. We’re three paragraphs in and I’m just done. I am ok with no one talking to me. But he has to keep bringing up points. I put him on read. 🤦‍♀️. My head is not even going to let this go.