Someone in this group said this once and it’s brutally true. I can go to work, help pay bills, be a yes man to all her demands and she will still find ways to blame all her misery on you.

The weirdest thing is and I hate it is sometimes she treats me better when I’m not working or I put my foot down and tell her I’m leaving if she continues talking to me like this. She knows she can usually go out and run all her errands which I dont mind because peace, but always have me at home to fight off her fear of abandonment.

I’ve always had living situation issues since graduating high school after my child support ending. I lost everything so I became vulnerable. I was in my drinking stage on my last legs staying on my buddies couch and needed something new to avoid homelessness again.

This girl came into my life I saw red flags like her showing up to the parties with alcohol specifically for me and acting like we were already a thing….it was a bit weird but I felt oddly comfortable with her because similar trauma and she started taking care of me.

Bought me food. Cooked amazing meals. Bought me all sorts of nice clothes so she could dress me like a Ken doll. Got us passports and left the country. Things were spicy. I took all this because I was vulnerable.

we’ve now been together for 5 years. This month actually marked 5 years. I know I’m stupid for staying but sometimes you’re so used to it it’s all you know and you just bite the bullet dealing with the abuse once all the other shit wears off.

I care about her and love her yet I’m not in love with her anymore. I just can’t believe I’m gonna have to start over again. That it’s all a sham. Last time I managed to leave she hooked me in with pictures of her with a pressed Xanax on her tongue. She’s not even a druggie. Just manipulation with her suicidal ideation. I fell for it but not next time.

I know I sound crazy writing this but you guys understand right? Haven’t you gone through it or currently going through it? How did you get out? How was your experience? Similar to yours? Any key resemblance?

I need to get some money get my duffle bag and find a friend or someone it’s just that I’ve lost so much face in this relationship by not reaching out to anyone because BPD isolate you and I dealt with whatever crap just to not be homeless.

I don’t want her to kill herself yet I don’t want to light myself on fire to keep her warm. Anymore. She can go ahead and find another. She’s an incredible hard worker. Never calls out. Funny. Great sex. Rent is cheap. We have pets. We had vacations.

We had fun. We still go out to eat and vibe sometimes but she’s also a bully who deflects and doesn’t do any wrong. She’s rude and cocky. Immature. Jealous.

Annoying. It sucks that you literally exist to do things for them. If you’re in the same room which you are constantly you’re doing little things for her or being called names.

Obviously you guys are gonna think I’m crazy for staying but life is expensive. I’m 26 and have been used to it for years. Starting over is a headache enough to think about let alone do at this very moment broke with no car currently.

I’ll weigh out my options and eventually leave. Block all numbers affiliated. I also don’t use social media. Just gotta weigh out my options. Thanks for reading my rant. Just tired. She cooked an amazing meal today and just left to drink with her friends. I hope she cheats on me. Happy Thanksgiving.