The better I’m doing work wise or the more I give money wise the worse I’m treated. Every conversation is an argument or competition. Has never once said “I’m sorry” friends or family enable her behavior towards me and always agree with her narrative. Truly because they never will go against her and end up on her bad list.

Always using sentences or phrases like “you’re bad” constant black and white thinking. Projection. Over lapping insults with narcissistic behavior.

4 years living together now with my GF. When we’ve had break up scares I hear her on the phone talking to loved ones saying “I’ve wasted 4 years with him”

When I end up on the “bad” end of splitting and a break up scare happens I was always terrible. The worst. A waste of time. The insults she says to me in front of others. The talking down. The controlling behavior. Having to do everything together.

If shit completely hits the fan and the relationship is on thin ice the good times never existed to her. I did something bad in her mind therefore I was always bad. The victim card she plays at the end of it.

Suicidal threats via OD once I broke up with her for 3 days. The messaging of people I was talking to when we broke up. The threats. The smear campaign. No one having my back. People accepting her behavior because I do. I’m a spine less push over. No voice. Always wrong. Not good enough for her entitled grandiose standards. She’s everyone’s savior in her mind and feels disrespected.

She’s a bully. Plain and simple. No civil conversations if I don’t like her verbal abuse. I deserve it. I’m terrible all around.

My whole immediate family/extended is on the cluster B spectrum. Drug abuse. Prisons. Anti social behavior. Super social/Talkative yet always talking bad abut each other behind backs. Manipulation. Gaslighting. All Ego. Superficial charm and complete disregard of others feelings while lying my loved ones specialized in. This shit hurt me so much growing up. Nothing authentic.

My mother was molested as a child and she’s very emotionally immature and always lying. She didn’t raise me growing up or teach me anything despite living in the same house. I catered to her unstable moods and emotions. Always there for her comfort. I felt bad. Similar to how things are with my significant other currently.

My mom was always the victim in life’s game despite engaging in criminal activity and drugs. Everyone else did her wrong. She’s extremely charming and pretty yet empty cold and a liar under it all.

As cliche as it sounds I ended up with a Significant other just like her. It hurts. I’m tired. Self esteem if it ever existed through my own actions with no ones help is depleted.

I gave this girl everything. She isolated me from everyone I ever knew. I was homeless with no family so I moved in. Gave her everything. She’s empty. She’s so beautiful charming funny hard working and took care of me that first 8 months together.

She’s tough. Her mother always catered to her younger brother and she ended up having to raise both her mother and brother in a messed up role reversal of finances because her mother turned to drugs. I thought because of this I will cut her some slack in her bad behavior I don’t like.

Wrong move. People have it bad but she chooses to hurt people emotionally. Esp those close to her. Which is me. Her favorite person. Her fear of abandonment when I tried to leave one day looked like a sad child going through a traumatic event from her up bringing. Either that or chaos to make sure I don’t leave.

The love of my life at one point before it all turned sour. We clicked. She was pushy yet it was comfortable. I was vulnerable. She took me on vacation bought me things cleaned me up and we were in love. It was perfect. I worked 60 hours a week. Paid bills. Got my license. Saved up 8k and bought us a car. Yet she was always the bread winner or the one giving the most financially in her mind. She’s #1 always.

I wanted to marry her. She seemed to care about me. We left the country together and I kissed her in the pool over night on our first love bombing stage of honeymoon phase. Beautiful island of Barbados together. Laughing. Great food. Conversation was all there.

She had a look in her eye like I was so perfect to her. It felt great. She was amazing. It was romantic. Sex was great. Relaxing was comforting. Talking for hours. I thought it was a little weird we had to do everything together but why not. We were in love I guess? I think? I thought.

Since then it’s been a battle. I don’t have many options living wise. I’m hanging in there. I’ll always love her because of her tough up bringing and good times at one point. I love her family and the young kids in it. We do everything for them. Considering the ones who raised her are all sociopathic fuck ups or drug addicts.

My GF had it rough growing up. Yet she didn’t do drugs like the rest of her “caretakers” she seemed strong to me. Child like innocence at times. funny funny girl all around. This turned into trauma bonding and toxicity over time.

She grew up with no dad so I feel as if I have to play that role at times if that makes sense. Meanwhile she took care of me like the mother I always needed. It’s so strange after learning about BPD/Narcissism and cluster B personalities. Her family Tree had abuse running down it similar to mine. It only makes sense why we clicked so well. I’m such a sucker.

The good times which there was plenty of at one point do not even exist to her anymore. I gravitate towards cluster b personalities. It’s what I grew up around. The insecure and self absorbed. Running on ego and controlling others. Lack of empathy. Whole nine. I have criminals in my family as well.

Absolute mess. Only love Ive known or ever must correlate with hate and abuse. I’ve seen my GF Disassociate where her eyes looked like she had no clue who she really was.

She’s talked about suicide openly before. If I ever leave I just hope she doesn’t fuckin kill herself. She’s not afraid of it. Shit sucks because I’m not in love with the girl anymore but I’ll always care about her. I don’t hold grudges I want her to be free of the cycle of generational abuse that plagued her up bringing as well as her caretakers.

I want her to get a grip on her self and find healing. I don’t want to go to war with her when things break off. We had good times and a good run while it lasted. The envy and spite or hatred she would feel for me I already know would over power any chance of her maybe for once thinking she should get help.

Try to Heal herself. It’s my fault though so why would she? BPD or anything cluster B involving generational trauma abuse or drug addiction is sad man. I feel for her but she needs to want to help her self. It’s not always everyone else’s fault on why you’re emotionally unstable or miserable inside/empty.

That’s the easy route to take though. Her looking on the inside would break her fragile ego or unstable sense of self and open the flood gates of repressed trauma. You have to start somewhere though or she will only continue to hurt others and herself. I feel for her even though she’s a jerk. I just really hope she doesn’t harm herself.

It was to good to be true. Shit sucks. Thanks for reading.