I apologize for the novel in advance.

Recently my ex who is the person with bpd left me. Our relationship had its ups and downs and neither of us were perfect by any means.

They themselves are part of the poly lifestyle and had recently taken a new partner at the tail end of last year of which there was immediate problems and screaming matches between them. This new partner also had immense issue with me so all of this started bleeding into our relationship.

Eventually they spoke to their therapist about it all and even told me that their therapist is happy to know that they have someone in their life as a pillar of support. Less than a week later we broke up because their new relationship feels more natural and that they aren’t use to the security I give them.

We made a promise to not just disappear from each other’s lives and went about a month talking on and off until a week ago where they ended up removing me on everything which upset me greatly. So I made the poor choice of going to confront them that night about it and their new partner answered the door and basically tore me down with all my problems and insecurities of which they had no business knowing. My ex and I never spoke that night and I just walked away. I noticed that they hadn’t removed me on discord and reached out to them saying how I’m done chasing after them and I’m just so hurt and disappointed knowing it was never a safe space between us when sharing personal things.

A few days they got back to me apologizing about sharing all that stuff, they felt incredibly shitty and guilty and immature for doing so. They said they know apologizing will never fix it and they never wanted to give me more trauma. We talked a bit and decided to go full no contact, we agreed to leave our discord, exchanged emails and mail addresses to reach out to each other in a few months time. They told me that my presence just has too much influence on their mental and emotional state and that’s just how their brain works. They also explained that their new partner has forbidden them to be in contact with me and didn’t want them apologizing to me and that this is something they hope to remedy down the road as they know it’s not healthy being controlled but is trying to respect this persons feelings. That they were again in the middle of a screaming match and that’s why I was removed from everything without notice because it was one of the issues at hand. They also explained they feel like they’re having issues again with making this person their FP.

Thoughts, insight, suggestions are welcome and greatly appreciated. If any more detail is needed then please feel free to ask questions and I’ll do my best to answer them in the comments.