BPD involves a deep self hatred, inability to accept responsibility, and extreme reactions to feelings most of us would be able to express in a healthy way. My ex told me she hated herself. She split on me the day we were supposed to finalize our move-in together. That emptiness isn’t something unconditional love can fix.

You can’t pour water into a cup with no bottom and expect it to ever fill up.

That’s the best analogy I can come up with.

My ex went from telling me that I was the best partner that she ever had, to lashing out, being abusive, and recently harassing my friends on their wedding day. They kept blocking her and she’d use other apps and numbers to keep attacking them. She spent hours being caustic and toxic towards them.

She talks shit about everyone in her life. Calling her “best friend” fat and lazy, and insulting them regularly. She talked garbage about her friend hiring movers for a move within the building and taking a week off of work for it. She would go on and on about how her friend is a trust fund kid. This is how my ex treats everyone. Every person she comes into contact with has all these negative qualities… all of them except her… when she’s not in her moments of self loathing. I then became the target of all of that externalized self-loathing once she devalued me. I should have seen it coming.

Before, she told me she never could have started her business without me (after quitting her job with zero notice on a rough day). She tricked me into building her business out for her by getting back together and then once I was done with helping her, she did the final devaluation after sneaking around finding new attention. I bought her an expensive sign for her business. I gave it to her after our second to last breakup. I designed and made business cards for her even after our final breakup. I was her biggest fan, cheerleader, and supporter. I took care of her. I loved her. It wasn’t enough to overcome her hatred for herself.

Unconditional love can’t fix this mental illness.

This illness isn’t their fault, but choosing not to get help for it is.

You can’t make someone choose to get better. They have to make that decision for themselves; and those that are so entrenched in their delusions that they blame everyone else for their distorted feelings, will probably never get help.