My husband and I have been a couple for 3 years, married 2 years. I’m [38M] he’s [29M]. Our relationship started when he was still in the closet and married to a woman. The relationship started off like fireworks. He found the strength to come out, which was no easy feat. He grew up in a deeply religious anti-gay environment and definitely suffered trauma both because of being gay and in general. He also works in a church environment, but one that is very affirming of LGBT. Things started to become tumultuous at times in the second year of our relationship. One night during a rage, he smashed 3 large windows in our house. He stayed away for a few days and ended up attempting suicide. He said it was because he didn’t think I could accept him back and that our family would be better off. He now has a therapist abs psychiatrist who seem to have been helpful but interestingly never assigned him a diagnosis. Since the suicide attempt, he still has occasionally become enraged and violent, but its very intermittent and I’ve been hopeful that therapy, etc. would help us get through the bad times. An overarching theme is he goes through phases of either feeling emotionally neglected or smothered. He’s confessed during the lows that he’s looked for an apartment, but the last time he mentioned it was about a year ago. One day about 2 months ago, he admitted to me that he’d actually found a place and was going to leave. That was a Wednesday and he was planning to move out on Friday. I was devastated and we ended up planning to work through things. He also admitted to a one time infidelity, which was traumatic for me but i compartmentalized it because I wanted to save our marriage. A week later he exploded in a rage and attacked me. I called a family member who came and removed him from the situation. We spent a week apart during which I processed things and decided our relationship was still worth saving but with certain conditions. One was that there be no more violence and two that he ask for a diagnosis so we could tackle the situation head on. I have to confess that during that week I had sex with someone during a particular vulnerable moment. He moved back in and we had a normal seemingly happy week and he was going to spend the weekend with his daughter. At the end of the weekend I realized that he has moved most of his clothes out again. We had a fight over FaceTime, partly to do with the fact that I felt like he was being secretive again. A family member told me had signed a lease a couple days later. That was a month ago and we have only communicated through family members since then. I’ve been through periods of mourning and pragmatism since then. I had started to accept that our marriage was over and was processing the hurt that he could abandon me after a traumatic month of back and forth. I’m taking things a day at a time. A couple days ago a family member told me he was crying and upset because he felt like I didn’t care about our marriage. I had accepted that he has probably discarded me but it was heartbreaking to know he was struggling too. I reached out to him and he was so cruel. He just kept saying he was the happiest he’s ever been. He told me he’s been on several dates and had more connection with some of them than he ever had with me. He also started to tell me about his sexual escapades since he left. While he was on the phone I heard him getting buzzed in to a building. I didn’t think anything of it but he made a point to say “Sorry you had to hear that. I didn’t mean for you to hear that.” The whole conversation was overall re-traumatizing because I thought maybe after a month of no contact, the haze would have cleared and we could consider maybe dating other people or taking 6 months to determine if our marriage could be salvaged. I wanted to talk about DBT and how it could maybe help him find some stability and peace but there was never a moment that he wasn’t blaming me or just saying that our marriage was a horrible mistake. I offered that we could postpone our divorce so he could stay on my insurance for a while for his the treatment he is receiving but he said he felt being legally bound to me was a cloud over his head. I’ve finally accepted that there is no way to save our marriage but I am still devastated by his lack of empathy. I know this is a long post but just needed to share.