If your pwBPD is/was anything like my stbxw (upwBPD), she often blames a lot/all of her hurtful behaviours on her poor mental health. What was your limit on allowing them to do so?

I've recently been looking back and seeing how my codependancy allowed her to do and say awful, horrific things to me with little or no outward consequence. When she was in her good moods, she wouldn't apologise for what she had said or done - but she would place blame with her anxiety and depression. The line in the sand for me is when she became physically violent. She would break my stuff or at least threaten to. My laptop (broken), my hard drive (broken), my ipad (threat), phone (thrown at my face), Bluetooth speaker (thrown in the trash). She would push me around and say how easy it was because I was so weak and disgustingly skinny (anxiety based weight loss).

The second element was when her suicide threats became a trivial method of control and manipulation.

Won't answer the phone? SUICIDAL

Didn't text back right away? SUICIDAL

Won't come and do a requested task? Not actually suicidal but will say I am in order to get you round my house so I can get you to do the task anyway then when you turn up on the verge of a panic attack I'll laugh in your face and act like your'e pathetic.

It left me in a constant state of worry. I would have panic attacks regularly and break down sobbing not knowing what to do. She even told me once that she'd do it when I least expect it but she'd make sure everyone knew it was my fault. We're 4 months without a threat now but after several failed attempts on her life and daily threats, the effects are still VERY present.

Even now she is in better place and doing well with her medication - she blames all of her previous behaviour on her poor mental state at the time. The problem is I know that she was abusive and I had every right to leave yet, she can still so easily make me feel guilt when she says things like 'you left me at my very lowest' or 'when I needed my husband the most'. She questions my commitments to our vows 'in sickness and in health'. Yet how much can you attribute to sickness? What about MY health?