I [30, M] dated someone with BPD for nearly 2 years. Sex was easy, and it often followed a 3 or 4 hour screaming and crying session as reconciliation. My body was just looking for any relief at that point after gorging myself from the shitty parts of the human emotional buffet. I cannot recall a single instance where my erection didn't work or I came too soon.

Fast forward to healthy, human relationship where I am treated like a human being. I can't stop getting stressed out about sex. I am incredibly worried about disappointing my new partner sexually...which naturally leads to erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, you name it. I hate that I don't understand my body any more. I hate that I am just in pain and get nervous about something that should just be natural and fun and EASY. It's like I'm so used to the 3-4 hour screaming and crying sessions, my body is confused. Where is the drama? Where is the torture? This can't be sex, not without the intense emotions (almost all negative) that come first.

Exhausting. I feel like so much less of a man. I feel like a little mouse of a man, like I was hollowed out by my ex - everything that I was just put under a lens and burned until she felt 'safe' around me. Then the chiding that I wasn't enough of a man. I definitely don't feel like a man right now. My current gf would be so much better off with someone else. I should just go see a sex worker every month or so and not torture any other well-meaning woman who wants to have a relationship with me. It's just a dick move. Are all of these things even caused by my ex or was I always like this, nervous, tense about sex? Do I have some deeper issues of self-esteem and loyalty and feeling 'trapped' that are only coming to light now and were buried by the avalanche of other issues in the previous relationship?