Situation: We work on the same project, have been dating for 1.5 years, live separately, but our parents have met already and there's talk of marriage.

What happened/happens: Partner has some stressor in their life, I share something about my life, they rail to me about how imperfect I am. Their anger sometimes results in them shouting at the workplace, the most recent memory being a 30-min rant to me in the work parking lot that included yelling about what kind of porn I like to watch to anyone who was around. I used to be so paralyzingly embarrassed by these things, but now it is just a fact of life that my private details will be aired out like that. I used to feel so humiliated and ashamed by the things she said, and now I realize that I have just been looking at it all as a challenge - a way to make myself better.

I finally feel well enough in my life to want to look out for myself and for my future, for my children's future. I can't raise children with someone who does things like that to me. I can't create a nurturing environment with someone who has threatened to get me kicked out of the country, or who threatens to tell my manager that I am a sexual predator, or who screams and throws clothes at me when I ask for a break. I have no idea what kind of difficulties the next few weeks hold for me, but I expect it will not be easy. My friends are a strict subset of her friends. My cousins are out of town, I live far away from my family and all I can do is be strong for myself.

I've lived by my principles: to see her through her latest exam period. I supported her the best I could and have been meditating a lot to keep my inner turmoil in check. Now that this exam is over, I finally feel free. I have no desire to hurt her or shame her or trigger her, so I just want to say that the relationship isn't working for me anymore.

I doubt this will result in any less screaming but I cannot let the situation continue any more. She often uses her community/her parents as a reason why we cannot break up. She has blamed me for moving the relationship too fast, while she also wants us to get engaged soon and doesn't want us to be old parents. I live in fear of the phone ringing. I live in fear of seeing a missed call, I live in fear of seeing her sometimes. Even her occasional jokes about what she wants make me worry.