I love my gf of two years with all of my heart, and over those two years she’s worked really hard to overcome the problems that BPD causes. Yet even with all of this change she still often can fall victim. When ever she feels bad she trys to paint me as a bad guy who does nothing but make her feel bad. And when I try to call her out it just ends up in an argument where she doubles down and I have to defend myself and usually apologize for somthing we discussed weeks before hand or a simple accident or thing that’s just happens to set them off. When this happens they do whatever it takes to win this argument they’ve created, and when they arent winning because I’m not arguing back and just having to have a conversation, so she says things she knows will hurt me. I almost always call her out and she’ll double down for a bit before apologizing non stop and crying. They always say they don’t mean it and it’s just how they feel in the moment but I don’t know. Apart of me feels like they just say that to cover their back, because knowing them, they say thing on purpose to make others hurt with them, and they have said multiple times before they know what they say isn’t true and they only say it to hurt my or on one occasion to purposely cause me to have a panic attack. I know they truly do feel bad about it after, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that, intentionally or not, they gaslight and manipulate me, and try to turn me into a bad guy for almost nothing. And it takes so much work to get them to apologize and get out of that state where they are trying to beat me in the argument and get them to see my feelings. But by that point, I’ve had to bury my feelings so much and focus on them that I feel to numb to truly care. And I know they love me and don’t want to hurt me when they aren’t feeling that way, but the fact of the matter is that what they do still hurts me and it never really seems that it fully clicks to them how much damage her actions cause me, even though she knows it makes me feel bad and she feels guilty for it. Anyway, if you read this all thanks so much. I don’t know what to do and I just needed to get this off my chest. I don’t want to break up with her and believe that she’ll get better and someday, hopefully soon, that behavior will stop. But on the other hand I can’t stop thinking that all she’s doing is manipulating. I just feel so lost.