I just wasted 3 years of my life, after being married and almost murdered by ex wife’s brother—I met the worst person I’ve ever cared about. I shouldn’t have trusted her. I was already struggling. She was only a month or two out of a mental institution, that apparently an unemployed overweight loser drug dealer boyfriend that wasn’t actually her boyfriend put her in. I was her knight in shining armor. I had just gotten out of college, I had a nice sports car/convertible, a career. She worked 10 hours a week and that was it. No high school completion, in her 20s and couldn’t drive. I should have saw the flags. Dated for a few months and got an apartment with her. 2 year lease. After a year and a half of me doing literally everything through and emotional rollercoaster, her kicking roommates out for no reason. Demanding this and that. She never took me on a single date. She never took me to dinner. I always had to do it. I took her everywhere. I borrowed thousands so we could pay our deposit. My adopted mom bought us 100s of dollars worth of living items. 11 months ago, she had a workman’s comp claim that was not approved. And instead of working and helping me she went to her parents to “work on her health”. So for the last 11 months, I paid her $150 phone bill, it was only that high because she broke her contract and it went up to the “standard price” on top of me having to pay off her iPhone 14. I paid the utilities that were in our name, and the rent in our name. I bought her cat food every other week. I bought her vapes regularly, thc to calm her mind. Drive over an hour away to see her on weekends and occasionally bring her back for a week or two. Early June she begged me to move back in. We talked it out and everything was beyond perfect. Last week, Monday, she woke up as I was leaving work, about 4 o clock. Told me she was very horny and wanted me to drive to her. Unfortunately, she wanted WiFi set up at the apartment and It had come out of my account, and the electricity had just come out, I was negative almost $300 and couldn’t afford the gas to drive over an hour to her. It seemed fine. The next day, she woke up about 1 o clock earlier than usual and said she loved me. Called while at work. Everything was fine until I mentioned I hadn’t eaten in 3 days and that I was excited to have her back helping out so that I could actually look forward to being alive for once. Then she started acting very weird. Distant. Making up things like how her mom hasn’t been feeling good and has had to help her get up the stairs. Well her mom can get in her lifted truck just fine and go to work and use their stairs without her help. Also she would complain that her mom never talked to her (because her bpd is pretty bad and she has apparently been deceitful before I met her). She said that she was baby sitting “for a day or two” sometime in August so she didn’t want to look for a job incase she had to babysit. I said in most cases you tell the employer a day you can’t work before you start and they’re totally okay. As soon as I mentioned that she “had to get off the phone”. Didn’t text me at all for the rest of the day. About 8pm, I asked to call her as I was stressed out. She said she was too and was playing video games to distract her and didn’t want to call. So I told her I loved her and she just said “hope you sleep good”. Didn’t text me for 3 days. Friday night I text her I miss her and she responds “I’m set on my decision” even though there was no decision. And I asked what she was talking about. And out of nowhere she accused me of “toxic masculinity” and anger issues. I won’t say I’ve never been angry, but I am very good about dealing with it. I always leave the room, shut the door, deal with it alone for a minute or two and I’m fine. And she hasn’t responded since. I just don’t understand it. I woke up everyday at 6am and went to work til 5 or after. Took care of our animals. Paid her bills. Kept food in her stomach. Kept her cats alive. Paid for their vet visits. Paid over 1400 this year alone in her phone service, and I still have to pay $800 on the device (I’ve talked to a Verizon call person and he said there’s nothing I can do but pay it off or put the number elsewhere). I drove to the local pharmacy to pick up her meds and drove them all the way to her an hour from here. I took her to all of her appointments/medical things. I gave her everything. Modern warefare 3 came out right before she went to stay with her parents and she loved playing with me. So I bought her a ps4 and put my account on there so she could play the games I bought and use the online service. All she did was wake up when I’m almost out of work, usually between 3:30 and 4:30, and would play video games til I leave for work in the morning. Since her profile was on my ps5 after we split up I got on it and sure enough she had been playing with random dudes she met off onlyfans. Apparently they convinced her to have left me. They were like 10 years older than me. I did all of that just so she could do that, then leave me without even telling me the week she was supposed to move back in, a day after telling me she was so horny and wanted me to come to her. And now she’s making posts on her socials accusing me of having “toxic masculinity” and saying that I girls shouldn’t settle for guys who are “angry” and aren’t “good in bed”. But none of those things are true! She wanted to do content with me all the time, make naughty videos for our channel. If I wasn’t good at that why would she need to make these posts? Why would she have hundreds of videos sleeping with me and other things if I wasn’t good? I know posts are just posts, but I don’t use social media, she has like 10k followers which isn’t a lot, but it’s 10k people that get to see how I’m a bad person and no body gets to see my side. No one knows all she’s done for 11 months, is allow me to work very hard to pay her bills and take care of her—while she woke up at 4 in the afternoon and immediately starting playing games til 7am sometimes 8 am with random men. She should have been playing MY games with me…she should have been texting and calling me since the only reason she could do either of those things was because I paid so she could..and now here I am about to lose our apartment because the lease renewed because she said she was moving back in in August, lease was set to expire July 31st. She “left” me July 30th out of no where just days after it was renewed. Between my car payment , rent and insurance, my two 1300 checks are gone. All the utilities have been stacking. I had taken loans out when she lost her job just to be able to pay rent and survive. I eat once or twice a week because of her and for her. I go in debt about 1000 more a month because of her. I feel lost. I don’t know what to do. I’m literally about to lose everything. I already don’t have family. I don’t have friends. I celebrated Christmas alone before her. I haven’t had someone tell me happy birthday since I turned 21, im 26 now. I stare at a wall all day after coming home. Everything feels pointless. Like I don’t have meaning. I can’t even turn my PlayStation on without feeling shot in the back. I throw up when I eat because my stomach feels so twisted…it moments like this I wish I never survived what I did. I wish I would have been killed. It would have felt much better then all of this..