I'm on my way to get the rest of my stuff from her house. I'm mostly moved out, but there is some attic and basement stuff to get. I'm incredibly nervous that she will have neglected to clean up evidence of her dating. Evidence of her dating keeps popping up. It's painful, but I guess it is what it is.

I had a dream last night that she initiated sex with a woman in front of me and would not stop when I asked her to. Her impulsivity always scared me. She had a tendency to forget about me when getting swept up in others' energy. We tried swinging and I had to pull the plug because of that. It felt like she was so eager to be with someone else, even tho she insisted I was the only person she was interested in sexually; that she was doing it all for me. I hadn't felt possessive of any partner in yeeeears until her. I loved her with everything I had, but I never trusted her. I'm glad it's over, but goddammit do I miss her and our chemistry.

I guess I'm hoping some of y'all will comment or reach out. It's going to be a hard day and I'm doing it alone. I hate the way they leave us--longing and anxious. Requesting support.

***UPDATE: After having a good, generous dialog going regarding what I'd be taking and leaving, in which I mostly expressed wanting her to keep the stuff in question, she flipped out on me. The offense, I told her I was going to steal a roll of toilet paper. She said, "now I'm left with nothing but debt and one less roll of toilet paper"

She broke up with me. She kicked me out. The debt she's referring to are for credit cards she took out and spent against that I never once saw or held. Some was on bills for us--I was in school, which she urged me to do (I never asked; she convinced me to go back, said she'd support me). I worked part time, went to school full time, and raised two kids part time.

She told me I take advantage of her and that I didn't know how selfish I am. I have not laid into her once because I know all this acting out is because she's in pain and I love her and feel for her. I've been so generous and forgiving. For what? She still sees me as the villain.

I'm so exhausted y'all.