I want to preface this post by saying that I have been in 3 types of therapy for the past 6 months post leaving. My ptsd symptoms have subsiding yet my depression and lack of drive have been full throttle the passed week or so. The loneliness has set in.

I've been spending more time with my dog than anything. I've started working out again. I can't seem to get my mind out of the crazy loop. I see that most people have gotten better in time. I've been leaning on others a lot more than I've ever been comfortable doing but I still feel sick. I still feel like a dark cloud around others and I know my energy is draining to others as it's draining to me. Life has been hard and I've been fighting a panic attack for 3 hours now and I haven't had one in 15 years. Idk what I'm supposed to do when my mind won't allow me to relax. It's absolutely tiring. I hope you others are having an easier time with this.

I've been posting and commenting a lot here. Just when I thought I was in the clear to leave this group I've been hit harder than months prior. I just don't know anymore. I have an interview with vocational rehab services this week to help pay for college and I don't even know if my head will allow me to focus in school. I feel like I'm going to ruin this opportunity for myself. Hell maybe this trauma was the catalyst to jumpstart BPD within myself.