I'm wondering if anyone else's pwbpd is similar. While not officially diagnosed, I'm pretty convinced he has BPD. He has all the symptoms, except for the devaluation/splitting, or possibly maybe it's just more subtle in his case. He has a history of serious repeated childhood traumas, emotional instability, and many of the toxic behaviors I've seen here. The thing is, I haven't really noticed the huge love/hate shift towards me.

It seems all the hatred and negativity is just directed back towards himself. He is extremely self loathing. In bad spells he's said things like, "I wish I could hate you". But never saying he actually does hate me. Or he says things like, "I don't blame you" for various scenarios, limes if I'm trying to apologize for something. Once he yelled at me saying not to call him a liar after I told him he needs to be honest with himself, which triggered a bad PTSD flashback. After the episode he was apologetic and said being called a liar was a major trigger for him.

More often I have to walk on eggshells to prevent triggering flashbacks or extremely negative personal thoughts. He has an unrealistically high view of me, and uses me as an emotional anchor. I'm constantly worried I'll inadvertently say or do something that he'll take the wrong way.