TL;DR: In case anyone needs to hear it again: It isn’t about your efforts, it’s about their sickness.

I know you tried hard, I tried the hardest to make our life work. Harder than I’ve ever tried at anything. It hurts, I know it does. 10 months after moving out, nearly 7 years with her, 3 months NC and I’m still hurting so bad.

I count the moments I’m not ruminating about what she put me through. Today, I was playing fetch with the dog and realized I hadn’t thought about my trauma in almost 10 minutes.

I lost everything to that woman. One of my dogs, my home, my money, my will to live. But 10min of not thinking about it was a victory. Count your victories, however small. It takes INCREDIBLE Patience, courage and empathy to live the lives we’ve lived. It’s takes awesome perseverance to finally leave that sick perversion of love, to do what is both the hardest thing we’ve ever done as well as the best thing we’ve ever done.

Final discard was the kindest thing my pwBPD has ever done for me. Because my predecessor, my friend, died before he could escape. That’s not hyperbole, that’s not me being figurative.

He OD’d at her feet, pleading with her not to leave him, that he would be “A better man” despite the fact he’d been with her SEVEN YEARS. He was barely 21. Only someone truly great, with the patience of a saint could have put up with what what my pwBPD must’ve been like from 14-20. And I say this as someone with literal scars from 6 1/2 years of it. I will tell his story on this sub until I die.

I’ve been on a proverbial ledge myself for the last year. My successor has no idea. She’s already cheated on him, bad mouthed him to me, her ex, and just moved him in less than 9 months after I left.

He’s not as “obsessed with” her as I was. What she really meant is he isn’t as trauma bonded. He doesn’t see her as his best friend, his closest confidant and his greatest enemy. Yet.

I wish I could warn him. He sounded like a good guy. But he is not my problem, and thank good gods above, neither is she.

Stay up, family. We can make it through this.