I wonder if I'm being cruel with NC. I left about a week ago and have been NC ever since.

It was hard. I loved her. We've built a nice little life together for nearly a half dozen years. But since we moved in together, her outbursts just got worse and worse. And more frequent.

The final straw was her blocking the door when I wanted to leave to clear my head for a few hours. She had done this once before, sitting in front of the door, sobbing hysterically, saying I can't leave until I apologize.

The first time, she was so embarrassed afterwards. It was the only time she had ever apologized for her behavior. I thought it was progress. She promised she'd never do it again.

All it took to break her promise was me saying hello to her the wrong way when I came home. Literally, that is what started it.

After she finally moved from the door, I grabbed my bug out bag and made a beeline for the back door. She was incensed. That I was still leaving. That I didn't give her a hug goodbye.

She called me as I drove away. I told her about her broken promise. Not only did she not remember giving her word, this time she defended her action. "I only blocked it for like 5 minutes."

I didn't come home for a day and a half. When I came home, it was with a moving crew. While she was at work. I left a hastily scribbled note.

I wanted it to sound more heartfelt. To tell her to get help. And find a support system. But I was terrified of her coming home unexpectedly, finding me with moving boxes in hand.

She's never been violent toward me, but I'm wholly convinced she'd have done more than just block the door.

So the note said I can't do this anymore. And I asked her to please not try to contact me.

I had nearly 150 missed calls in the first day and a half. She's driven by friends' and family's houses looking for my car.

I pity her. It's a terrible illness. And I know I broke her heart. If there were any other way to leave than that, I'd have done it. But I just didn't feel safe.

She keeps asking for closure. That she's owed it. Sometimes I think about writing her, to give her some finality. Should I?

If I screamed in someone's face and kept them in a room against their will, I'd get why they left me. No questions asked.

I don't think it's closure she wants. I think she wants another chance to try to hoover me back.

It won't work.

This past week has been one giant exhale of relief. I'm realizing how much I've curbed my natural behaviors to prevent a blowup.

What I thought was progress on her end was really just me learning and adapting to her triggers, however illogical they were.

Is it ill-advised to send a final message? One that says why I don't want this anymore? That she should move on and find a support system.

She says all she wants is a response from me. But the calls and around the clock texts/emails/IMs won't stop there, will they?